[FIC] Carry Your Shame 24/25
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Summary: Kurt’s spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He’s never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley’s Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can’t fix—like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//(Blaine interlude)//Part 4//Part 5//Part 6//Part 7//Part 8//Part 9//(Blaine Interlude 2)//Chapter 10//Chapter 11//Part 12//Part 13//(Blaine Interlude 3)//Part 14//Part 15//Part 16//Part 17//(Blaine Interlude 4)//Part 18//Part 19//Part 20//Part 21//(Blaine Interlude 5)//Part 22//Part 23
*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”
Sunday afternoon, Kurt sat in his room carefully typing an email on his laptop while Puck and Lauren read over his shoulder. He had called them over after lunch to help him work on his plan to get Blaine’s story out to the media and they’d both agreed to come over without hesitation. After some discussion on the best course of action, they’d decided that an email would be more effective than trying to make hundreds of phone calls. With Lauren’s ability to do almost anything with a computer, she could pretty much guarantee that their messages were read by the right people.
The plan was simple. Tell Blaine’s story and attach swimming videos to show how incredibly talented he was, screenshots from various message boards slamming Blaine and demanding he stay off the swim team, and finally the police report to prove that this was a serious issue and Blaine was the victim.
“You should talk about his swimming accomplishments before everything else,” Lauren said. “You need to give these people a reason to care about some small town nobody.”
“The fact that a boy was gay bashed won’t make them care?” Kurt responded, offended. Unfortunately he knew that she was right, so he went ahead and started editing what he’d already written.
“How can we be sure that they’ll even read these emails? This isn’t going to work,” Puck said as he read over Kurt’s shoulder.
“That’s what I’m here for, dumb ass,” Lauren said, smacking Puck’s arm. “I swear, it’s a good thing you’re pretty because you’re one of the slowest people I’ve ever conversed with.”
“I love it when you talk like that,” Puck said, looking her up and down, causing Kurt to make gagging sounds in the background.
“Can you two seriously not do that in my bedroom?” he said, shaking in disgust.
“I don’t think you’re in any position to talk since your sexual rendezvous can be viewed on any cellphone with internet access,” Lauren said with a chuckle. “Now move so I can hack into NBC’s email account.”
“Are you sure we won’t get in trouble for this?” Kurt asked skeptically.
“I’m a professional,” Lauren said with a huff of annoyance. “Besides, you’re the one that said you wanted to find a way to make sure Blaine’s story got heard. Isn’t that why you invited me over? If I can make it look like the email was sent from somebody in the business, it’ll get read.”
“You’re so hot when you do this,” Puck said.
“You two disgust me,” Kurt groaned. He moved to sit on his bed to give Lauren space to work, so he wouldn’t have to overhear whatever gross things Puck was whispering into her ear.
“Now give me the list of all the people you want to send the email to and order me two pizzas, this might take awhile,” she said.
Kurt grabbed his notebook with all the contact information he could hunt down from all the local news outlets in the area as well as some national ones on the off chance Lauren actually could manage to make sure their email got read and somebody took notice.
“There are over twenty sources on this list,” she huffed. “You’re going to have to hunt down out of season Starburst Candy Canes for this one.”
“You manage to get this done for my boy Blaine and I’ll buy you whatever candy you want for the next month,” Puck said.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, babe” she teased.
Barely an hour and three pizzas (two just for Lauren) later, she was done and the emails had been sent, each from prominent producers in the business. Kurt didn’t ask how she’d managed that. He was positive that he didn’t want to know her secrets. Now all they had to do was wait and hope that somebody out there cared enough about the injustice that had happened to run Blaine’s story.
Later on that night after Puck and Lauren had left to do God knows what, Kurt stood in the kitchen, trying to teach his dad how to make his mother’s old cake batter cookie recipe. They’d started these cooking lessons last year as a way to try and bond over something they could both agree on — food. Ever since Kurt had transferred to Dalton, they’d been too busy to keep up the lessons, but his dad had insisted — with everything that had happened- they start up again. Kurt thought it was his dad’s way of keeping tabs on him without seeming too overbearing and nosey, but he found he didn’t mind because he really did enjoy spending time bonding with his dad.
“So how’d Blaine’s swim meet go?” Burt asked, trying to sneak cookie dough out of the mixing bowl before Kurt slapped his hand away.
“I’m not sure. Today’s results haven’t been posted to the internet yet and we haven’t talked since this morning. He promised he’d call me when it was over, but—” Kurt just shrugged.
“He’ll call,” he reassured him. “Do you know how late it was supposed to run? Maybe it’s still going on?”
“No, he said it was going to be over before four. He should be home by now,” Kurt said. “I’m sure he’s just tired. It was a long weekend for him.”
“Well, I hope everything went alright, that kid could use a break,” Burt said as Kurt motioned him over to start scooping out dough so they could get the cookies ready to bake.
Once everything was in the oven and the timer had been set, Kurt moved into the living room to watch TV with his dad while they waited for everything to bake. They had just settled down to an episode of American Pickers when the doorbell rang.
“That’s all you, kid,” Burt said with a smirk.
Kurt groaned and made his way to the door, prepared to tell Ms. Hendrickson for the seventh time that week that no, they weren’t going to help her get rid of Old Man Joe’s dog, but he was delightedly surprised.
“Blaine!” Kurt exclaimed when he opened the door to find his boyfriend on the other side. “What are you doing here?”
“Surprise!” he said with a goofy grin before pulling Kurt in for a hug. “I wanted to tell you the good news in person.”
Kurt pulled back and immediately noticed several medals around his neck that had escaped his vision before, many of them were gold.
“You won!” he yelled, throwing his arms back around Blaine. “I knew you could do it!”
“Thanks,” Blaine said.
“Is that Blaine?” his dad called from the living room. “Tell him to stop letting the bugs get into the house and get in here!”
Kurt giggled and happily pulled Blaine into the house and shut the door behind him. They walked hand-in-hand to the other room where his dad was still sitting in his lazy boy, but he’d at least muted the TV.
“He won,” Kurt said with a bright smile, squeezing Blaine’s hand hard. They were both ecstatic that they finally had some good news to share after the past couple weeks they’d had.
“Congrats, Kid,” Burt said with a genuine smile that caused Blaine to blush.
“It was only in three of the events,” he said modestly. “I still messed up in three others and didn’t place as well as we’d hoped I would.”
“It doesn’t matter, three events is still a lot,” Kurt said. “Come on, I made you cookies.”
“But you didn’t even know I was coming,” Blaine said with a confused chuckle.
“We didn’t make them specifically for you,” Burt clarified but it earned him a harsh glare from Kurt. “But please stay and have some. They’ll be out of the oven in a few minutes and if they taste anything like the ones Kurt’s mom used to make they are worth every pound you’ll gain eating them.”
“Lucky for me that I’m on a high calorie diet then,” Blaine said with a smile.
“So tell us more,” Kurt said once the cookies had been pulled out of the oven and placed onto plates for them to enjoy.
“I got first in my 50M Freestyle, but I didn’t hit the time I wanted to so I’ll have to work pretty hard so I can start hitting that time more regularly,” Blaine explained.
“You’ll get there,” Burt said confidently. “Even the best athletes in the world still have to practice every day.”
“I messed up in the 200M Freestyle so I only placed 3rd, but I was beat out by Phelps and Lochte so I still think I did a fair job—” Blaine said, trailing off with a smile on his face that said he was hiding something.
“What else happened?” Kurt asked, knowingly.
“Oh nothing much… On my 100M Freestyle and 200M Medley I beat out Michael Phelps,” he said with a shrug as if it was nothing but Kurt knew it was anything but nothing.
Kurt might not know a lot about swimming, but he certainly knew who Michael Phelps was. There wasn’t a single person in America that didn’t associate swimming with Michael Phelps and the memory of the 2008 Olympics when he’d won a record breaking eight gold medals.
“You what?!” Kurt practically shouted, his jaw dropping in shock. He looked over to see that his dad’s expression matched his.
“It wasn’t by much, but yeah,” Blaine said, trying to remain composed as if he wasn’t over the moon with how the meet had turned out.
It had only been two days ago when Blaine had called him up complaining about how he didn’t think he could swim this weekend. Clearly that had changed and Blaine had found his rhythm in the pool again because this was amazing!
“We are talking about the Michael Phelps, right?” Burt clarified and when Blaine nodded, he let out an impressed whistle. “Well, damn.”
“You said that you wanted people to see how wrong they were about you, that certainly made them eat their words,” Kurt said, beyond proud of Blaine.
“If anything it just made things worse,” he said and when both of them just looked at him confused, he explained further. “They thought they could kick me off the team and when I did horrible at this meet, they could write me off as nothing more than a flash-in-the-pan success that died out too soon. Now they’ll have to continue putting up with me no matter how much they don’t want to. I don’t care though. It doesn’t matter how much they try to push me out, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Well that’s a great attitude,” Burt said, standing up to leave and giving Blaine a proud pat on the back. “You did good today.”
“Thanks, Mr. H,” Blaine said, beaming under the praise.
“You two don’t stay up too late, Blaine’s got school in the morning,” he said.
“I’ve got curfew soon. I have to leave in a few minutes,” Blaine explained. His dad seemed satisfied with that answer and went upstairs to give them some privacy.
“If it wasn’t clear before, I’m really proud of you,” Kurt said, shifting his chair closer to Blaine’s so that their thighs were touching, now that they were alone.
“I didn’t think I could do it,” he said, sheepishly. “Thanks for the pep talk. It really helped me get my focus back.”
“That’s what boyfriends are for, right?” Kurt said, knocking shoulders with him. Blaine turned to look at him and Kurt couldn’t help but let his gaze drop down to his wet, slightly open lips.
“Boyfriends,” he practically sang, unable to keep the smile of his face, which Kurt found to be adorable.
“Boyfriends,” Kurt whispered, unable to stop himself from leaning in and capturing Blaine’s lips like it was the most natural thing in the world.
There was no awkward bumping of noses or fumbling for a comfortable position like there had been before when Kurt was with Evan. They just fell together like they were two puzzles pieces snapped into place. There were no hands around his waist scrambling to get his shirt untucked so fingers could scratch desperately at his back. They weren’t grinding against each other searching for release as quickly as they could get it, but this was better. Somehow these simple, innocent and sweet kisses were everything he’d ever wanted even though it was slower than they’d ever taken things before.
This was what their first kiss should have been like, not drunken and tripping over each other as they tried to get to a couch. Not skipping all the way to third base without ever stopping to enjoy the first two. Kurt had never and would never regret the things that they’d done together, but he could appreciate why some couples decided to wait a long time before having sex with each other. Such a simple thing like kissing was enough to make Kurt happy for the rest of his life.
In fact, he didn’t care if he never came up for air. If he stayed right here, lips glued to Blaine’s forever, he would die a very satisfied man. There was just something in the way Blaine’s soft lips yielded to his that was mesmerizing. He wanted more, sure he always would want more, but this was enough. This was all he would ever need, Blaine’s breath tickling his cheek as they tried to push closer and closer together.
Blaine’s hand moved up to cup around the back of his neck, rubbing at the hair there and it sent a warm tingling throughout his body. It wasn’t the red hot flame he was used to feeling as his lip got bit and a strong, eager hand rubbed him through his jeans, but it was just as pleasant. Instead of a fire that felt like it could be blown out with a strong gust of wind, this felt more like the coming of spring — the first warm day in the sun after a long winter. It was something more permanent with promises of it lasting for months to come.
Kurt twisted on his barstool and let his hands find their way to Blaine’s tiny waist, loving how compact he was even with the solid muscle he could feel under the thin warmup jacket. He shivered as he felt Blaine’s tongue slip into his mouth, hesitant yet still completely confident that it belonged there, not unlike Blaine in that regard.
Before long, Kurt’s hand began to make the slow trek past Blaine’s belly button and up his chest, no doubt going to its familiar spot at Blaine’s nipple where Kurt had always spent a great amount of time teasing him. A loud clinking came as Kurt’s hand reached the medals that he’d forgotten about, and he was immediately reminded of how Blaine had got the medals — swimming. His sexy, muscular, well tanned boyfriend had spent the weekend in a pool wearing a tight bathing suit. The familiar image of Blaine, dripping wet as he stepped out of the pool caused Kurt to moan and both boys were forced to pull away, blushing.
“Right,” Kurt panted, barely catching his breath as he tried to recover and calm himself down before his body got too excited and he decided to throw out their plan to take things slow. “Air is good.”
Blaine laughed, looking over at him with heavily lidded eyes and parted lips as he breathed heavily. Clearly he was just as affected as Kurt was. In fact, with the way he was clinching and unclenching his fist, Kurt wondered if he wasn’t more affected, though he refused to look down to see if Blaine’s warmup pants were tented, because he was afraid of what the answer might tempt him to do.
No. Slow was good. Slow was what they wanted this time around. Just because they were two teenagers with hormones didn’t mean they had to jump into bed with each other any time they got remotely aroused.
“I’ve missed being able to do that,” Blaine said once they’d managed to get both of their breathing under control.
He smiled at him and Kurt reached out his hand to link it into Blaine’s before moving to rest his head on Blaine’s shoulder.
“Michael came up to me after the medal ceremony. I was surprised. I didn’t think he even knew I existed,” Blaine said and Kurt was thankful for something to talk about so that he wasn’t tempted to pull Blaine’s kiss-swollen lips down for another round.
“Well he has to now, you beat him,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I guess,” Blaine said with a sigh. “It’s strange. A few years ago these were the guys I was looking up to. I never expected to be swimming with them.”
“You worked hard and you earned it,” he said, hoping Blaine wasn’t doubting himself again.
“I did,” Blaine mused. “He actually gave me some good advice.”
“What did he say?” He wondered what a guy like that would have to say to Blaine and hoped that it was positive, but then again, Blaine wouldn’t sound so calm if it wasn’t.
“He just told me that when he got suspended for using marijuana, he was worried that he’d never swim again, but he was honest about his mistake and didn’t try to hide it,” he explained, tracing lines onto the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb. “He asked for forgiveness and just kept on swimming until his talent was too great to ignore. Most people eventually realized that he was just a kid that was destined to make mistakes just like any other college kid his age.”
“That makes sense,” Kurt said. “You guys are good at what you do, but that doesn’t mean you’re not still human. Did he think they’d let you back on the team?”
“I didn’t ask.” He shrugged. “It’s not his call anyways. But he told me that I had his respect and that was enough for me, you know?”
“Yeah. That’s a huge deal,” Kurt said. “I’m really proud of you.”
“You said that before,” he teased him, sending him a warm smile that told Kurt even if he kept saying it, Blaine would never get tired of hearing it.
“Well, I’m going to keep saying it,” Kurt said, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips being sure to pull back before it could turn into anything more than that.
“I should probably get going,” he said reluctantly and Kurt stood up to walk him to the door, careful to give him a bag of cookies to take home with him. They had more than enough to spare and he didn’t really want to listen to Finn complain about feeling sick when he inevitably ate two dozen cookies in one sitting.
“I’m glad you won,” Kurt said to stall for time once they reached the door and had to say goodbye for the night.
He hated this part. Neither one of them ever wanted to say goodnight so they usually ended up talking at the doorway for another hour or so before his dad would come and yell at Kurt to let Blaine go home already. They couldn’t do that tonight though; Blaine had a curfew to get home for.
“Me, too. But you know what makes me even happier?” Blaine asked and Kurt just sent him a questioning look. “That I had an amazing boyfriend to come home and share the news with.”
“Yeah, that part isn’t so bad either,” he said as they hugged each other and whispered goodnight into each other’s necks.
“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you,” Kurt said when he answered the door and saw Blaine on the other side. Now that they were officially together and had been for two weeks, Blaine was constantly showing up at their house unannounced, but Kurt would never complain about the little surprises. He was always happy to see Blaine and his family didn’t mind having him around.
“How was practice?”
“Brutal, but good,” Blaine said, stepping inside and pulling Kurt into a welcoming hug. “I missed you.”
“You saw me yesterday,” Kurt teased him, but he understood. He had missed Blaine as well. Sitting at home all day with only his tutor to keep him company was brutal.
“I don’t see you at school,” he said with such an adorable pout that Kurt couldn’t help but kiss him.
“I actually got some exciting news today,” Blaine said when they pulled apart.
“Oh?” he said, raising his eyebrows as he pulled him into the living room to sit down and talk.
“My dad said he’s been getting calls for me to do interviews about everything that happened,” Blaine said.
“Interviews?” He pretended to be surprised. It wasn’t hard. He hadn’t been positive that his crazy plan would work, even with Lauren’s help. He’d thought for sure the fact that since two weeks had passed without any news meant that the plan hadn’t worked.
“Yeah,” Blaine said. “I guess they heard that I’d been kicked off the national team and think it’s unfair and would make an interesting story. My dad thinks it might be a good career move to do something.”
“And what do you think?” he asked, tentatively. He agreed with Blaine’s father, that was why he’d sent those e-mails to begin with, but he wasn’t going to force this on Blaine. If he was hesitant about it at all, he’d tell him not to go through with it. Kurt was only doing this to help Blaine, not make things worse.
“I don’t want to do a million interviews, but I guess if I found one or two people that I was comfortable talking with, it wouldn’t be that bad,” Blaine said. “I don’t want everyone knowing every detail about my life, but it would be better than them all believing whatever lies they’ve got made up in their head.”
“So what, are we talking about the crazy, comb-over, ‘This is your Lima and I’m your guy’ NBC anchor or what?” Kurt asked.
“More like Ellen, Oprah, or Dr. Phil,” Blaine said. “Sports Illustrated called, but my dad turned them down because they sounded like they might try to cover up my sexuality.”
“What?” Kurt felt like his eyes might fall out of his head as Blaine rattled off all the different people that had contacted him for an interview.
He had never imagined anybody on a national level would pick up the story, not when Blaine still technically wasn’t famous anywhere but in the swimming community. He’d thought for sure since the story involved sex between two gay teenagers, the media would have been turned off even if they were interested in a story about bullying at an unknown high school in Ohio. If anything, all he’d really hoped was that maybe the local news would run something and they could post the news report on message boards to help Blaine’s story get out. Any of this getting national attention was a long shot; something he’d only done on a whim.
“We didn’t understand it, but I guess my dad asked them why they wanted to do a story on me,” Blaine said, curling his feet under him and slouching down like he did when he was self-conscious. “They all told him that bullying was a hot topic in the media now and with me performing so well at the last two meets I was somebody that people would root for. It’s kind of silly.”
“It’s not. People want to see you succeed, you’re that guy everyone cheers for,” he said with a small smile, reaching out to take hold of Blaine’s hand. “What are you worried about?”
“If I do this — if I talk to somebody on a major network show — it’s not just my story I’d be telling the whole country,” Blaine said, looking up to give Kurt a nervous look. “It’s both of ours.”
“Well nobody is interested in hearing me tell it,” he said with a chuckle that caused Blaine to glare at him.
“Blaine,” Kurt cut him off. “People like you. They like you way more than they like me and I want people to know what happened here. They are going to hear your story. They will see all the horrible things that you’ve been through ever since coming out and they’ll see that you’re still this amazing, hardworking, likable guy. They’ll get upset on your behalf and that’s when things start changing for people like us. If I told that story nobody would care, but they’ll care when it comes from you.”
“People would get upset on your behalf, too,” he said.
“Maybe that’s true, if you were the one telling them about it,” Kurt said, trying to reason with him.
He wasn’t trying to be self-depreciating, it was just the truth. Blaine was a charming guy. He covered his pain with smiles and compliments. He worked hard to get people to like him, but that happened naturally most of the time. They listened to him and respected him. Kurt covered his pain with biting remarks and distance. He liked to push people’s buttons so that it was obvious that he didn’t care about their approval when he inevitably didn’t get it. It wasn’t a bad thing, it just made them different.
Kurt made a difference by being so loud and out there that people couldn’t ignore him, but that wasn’t who the world needed to hear from right now. They had enough people like Kurt in the world, at schools across the country pushing boundaries and demanding to be heard. What all those kids like Kurt needed was somebody to look up to that had the ability to make the world take notice. Somebody that could make the people in power care.
Blaine was that guy. He was an athlete — an Olympic level athlete if the national team would just let him back on the team so he could compete at World’s and the Olympic Trials next year. He had already proven his “worth” to the world by beating one of the most decorated Olympians in history. If the media had been waiting for a good enough reason to end bullying in schools, Blaine getting kicked off the national team because of Evan’s actions was reason enough.
Blaine made the perfect poster kid for this campaign, but what if he didn’t want to be the poster kid? He didn’t have to do this for anyone else but himself. Doing an interview like this could put him back on the national team. The truth would get out that he hadn’t released that video willingly. The bad PR that USA Swimming would get for kicking Blaine off for being nothing more than a victim of bullying would be reason enough for them to put him back on the team. He would get his life back.
Blaine looked like he was going to argue with Kurt, but he just held up his hand before Blaine could say anything.
“No,” Kurt said. “Please don’t make this decision based on me.”
“We’re boyfriends,” he said. “Aren’t we supposed to think about each other when our decisions affect one another?”
“Probably,” Kurt said with a shrug. “But this is bigger than that.”
“You’d really be okay with this becoming a national story?” he asked warily. “I’m not even sure that I want it to be a national story. At this point, only people around town and on swimming message boards know about what happened. We can still graduate and go to New York together without this tape following us. It’s already been taken down off the internet.”
“This tape already got me expelled from school and it’s done a lot worse for you. It’d be nice if something good could come out of this,” Kurt said, pulling Blaine closer so that he could wrap his arms around him.
“I thought we got each other out of all of this,” he tilted his head back onto Kurt’s shoulder so that they could still look at each other.
“We did,” Kurt said, about to argue that it wasn’t enough against everything that had happened, but he paused to really take in Blaine’s hesitant look that likely meant he was pushing this too hard. “We did,” he said, this time with a soft, promising smile. He would drop this for now until they both had some time to think things over.
“So what are you more excited for, The Kardashians coming back on or The Real Housewives of New Jersey?” Blaine asked with a teasing smile. They shared a lot of common interests, especially reality TV, but this was one area that Blaine simply indulged Kurt in. Blaine preferred the competition based shows like Project Runway, Top Chef or even The Bachelor to the drama based ones.
“You can’t honestly expect me to choose,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “That’s like if I asked you to choose between Maks Chmerkovskiy from Dancing with the Stars and Travis Wall from So You Think You Can Dance.”
“That’s not fair, you know I have a soft spot for dancers,” Blaine argued.
“Well I have a soft spot for girls getting into ridiculous cat fights and overspending on bad fashion choices,” he said with a laugh.
“Not all of their fashion choices are bad,” Blaine chuckled.
“Let us hope that’s true this season,” he said as they fell into comfortable silence. Kurt pulled the latest issue of Vogue off the coffee table and Blaine read over his shoulder, occasionally commenting when something great caught their eye.
About an hour later, Finn had come barreling home after Glee practice with Rachel and they’d both been forced to retreat up to Kurt’s room since the alternative was being forced to hear the two of them go back and forth between arguing over Quinn and making out.
As Blaine sat between his legs with his history book as they both pretended like they were going to do some studying, Kurt figured it was as good a time as any to bring the discussion of the possible interviews back up since he knew neither of them had really stopped thinking about it.
“Do you know what it would have meant to me last year to see somebody like you on TV, not letting the bullies take him down?” Kurt asked.
“Do you really think people are even going to care?” Blaine sighed, tossing his book to the side and falling back into Kurt’s arms. “What if this makes things worse?”
“How could it possibly make things worse?” he asked, looking down at Blaine like he was crazy.
“Don’t pretend like it would get any easier if the entire world suddenly knew about our sex tape,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes.
“What is US Swimming going to do? Kick you off the team for talking to the media? They’ve already kicked you off the team, so you’ve got nothing to lose,” he explained.
“I’m not just talking about US Swimming,” Blaine said, obviously doing his best not to turn this into an argument and Kurt appreciated that. Neither of them wanted to fight over this.
“I know you aren’t,” he said patiently. “But I really don’t care who knows about it at this point. This way, the truth will get out about what really happened and everyone will see what a great role model you are. Do you know how few athletes are out and proud? The last Olympics had eleven and almost all of them were lesbians. Most athletes wait until retirement to come out if they ever do.”
“Of course I know that—”
“So far being gay hasn’t hurt your career,” Kurt interrupted him before he could start to formulate an argument.
“It got me kicked off the team,” he said with a pointed look.
“A sex tape got you kicked off the team,” Kurt said.
“A gay sex tape,” he countered. “There’s really no telling how much of this backlash is about the tape versus my sexuality.”
“Look at Mckinley,” Kurt said. “All of that team knows that you’re gay and you’ve never been kicked out of the locker room during shower time. In fact, I distinctly remember you telling me that you convinced Straight-But-Sexy Sam Evans to fool around with you in said locker room. Am I wrong?”
“He came onto me, I didn’t pursue him,” he clarified. “Besides, that’s high school. This is the real world.”
“Exactly,” Kurt said feeling smug that Blaine had pretty much proved his point for him. “High school is full of insecure teenagers that hate everyone else. If you can win them over, you’ll have no problem doing that with the rest of the world.”
Blaine looked back at him doubtfully and he could tell that he was losing him. It wasn’t that Kurt needed him to do this interview; it was just that Kurt could tell he wanted to but he was holding back and that wouldn’t do. Not when Kurt knew he could actually change his fate by doing something like this. If he was serious about getting back on the national team and being a role model for other kids, this was something that he really should do.
“I just… I’m not trying to push this on you,” Kurt said, honestly. “I’m really not. But you told me that you wanted to be able to make a difference but you didn’t think you could anymore. You still can. You can make the biggest difference—”
“Okay,” Blaine agreed, interrupting him.
“Okay?” he repeated, confused.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll do it,” Blaine said with a smile, leaning in to kiss away the baffled look that was surely on his face.
“Don’t just say okay because you think you have to,” he said. “I want you to be sure. I won’t be mad if you say no. National news is a lot of people.”
“I’ve been thinking about it ever since my dad told me this morning,” Blaine explained and he sounded like he was sure of his decision which made Kurt feel better. “I’ve wanted to say yes, but I’ve been too scared, but you’re right. If I want to make a difference, I can’t be afraid to act. I’ve just got to do this.”
“You only have to pick one or two, after that you can refuse to do another interview again. It doesn’t have to be bigger than that,” he explained carefully as if he was dealing with an easily startled deer.
“No, I should do this,” Blaine nodded, confident in his decision. “There’s a big chance people still won’t care.”
“They will,” he said, wrapping his arms around Blaine from behind and holding him close. “How could they not when you’re sitting there on their TV screens looking so adorably hurt.”
“Thank you?” Blaine said, making it sound like a question, but Kurt ignored it.
“If you think you can do this, there’s really nothing else you could do that would be more meaningful in your entire life,” he rambled on.
“No pressure or anything,” Blaine said with a choked laugh.
“So who are you going to do the interview with?” Kurt asked, trying to steer the conversation to lighter things. “Dr. Phil is obviously out, since he obviously will smell like formaldehyde and I hear he’s an asshole on set. He won’t have the target audience you want anyway.”
“I was thinking that Ellen or Oprah would be cool,” Blaine said. “Oprah’s going off-air soon so it’d be pretty cool to get to be part of some of the last shows.”
“Totally,” he agreed. “Besides she always gives a lot of free swag. What do you think she’d hand out?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t really thinking that far,” Blaine said. “I don’t need anything.”
“I can just imagine it, ‘lube for you and lube for you! Lube for everybody!” Kurt yelled trying to make him smile.
Blaine started laughing so hard that he almost fell off the bed until Kurt grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back. The sight of it caused Kurt’s heart to jump up into his throat and his eyes to water. It had been so long since Blaine had really laughed more than a short chuckled and he’d really missed the melodic sound of it.
“Okay, no Oprah,” Blaine said, wiping tears from his eyes.
“What? No,” he groaned. “I actually like Oprah. She’s one of my idols.”
“Now I’ll never be able to look her in the eyes without picturing her yelling about free lube, so thanks for that,” Blaine said, shifting around on the bed so that they were facing each other.
“So, Ellen?” Kurt asked once they were sitting across from each other, both cross legged and holding hands.
“Ellen,” he agreed.
“She’d be the most sympathetic to your story,” Kurt mused.
“She also has a younger audience,” Blaine said, clearly building up an argument and the more they thought about it, the more right it seemed. “She’s on after school so more kids could see it and maybe… I don’t know.”
“No, teenagers should be able to see your story,” he said encouragingly. “That’s the whole point. Moms watch, too. I’m sure a lot of those swimming mothers would watch.”
“This seems so surreal,” Blaine said, looking a little shocked. “How are we sitting here talking about me doing the Ellen Show?”
“That’s how I feel every time we talk about the Olympics,” he agreed with a laugh. “Though if you do qualify for the Olympics, you’re going to be talking to a lot more than just the Ellen Show.”
“I might actually be put back on the team,” Blaine said sounding stunned, as if the thought was just starting to settle in with him.
“Guess you’d better practice you’re dance moves then, I wonder if you get to pick what song you come out to,” he said, thinking ahead to all the things Blaine would have to think about before his interview. “Do you have a stylist or will you have to wear your own clothes. Oh God, what would you wear? I’ll have to go through your closet because we want to make sure your outfit sends the right message and—”
“I love you,” Blaine interrupted him, his chin in his hand as he stared dreamily at him.
Kurt’s breath caught in his throat and he wondered if he would ever grow used to hearing Blaine say that to him. He hoped he never did.
“I love you, too.” he said. “You know when you stop to really think about it, it’s been a pretty amazing year.”
“Yeah, it has,” Blaine agreed quickly and despite all of the bad things that had happened to both of them since meeting back in November, they both honestly believed their words.
ELLEN: My next guest was well on his way to being a member of our Olympic Swimming team in London next year when his life was thrown off-course by high school bullying. While most people would call him amazing for being barely seventeen years old and already competing with the likes of Cullen Jones, Ryan Lochte, and Michael Phelps himself; I think he’s pretty amazing for something else entirely — take a look.
(Video clip plays of Blaine touring different areas of McKinley High School. It’s from a soon to air special on MTV about cyber bullying).
ELLEN: Please welcome out, Blaine Anderson.
(P!nk’s ‘F**kin’ Perfect’ plays as Blaine Anderson dances and sings onto stage. Ellen stands up to sing and dance with Blaine for the rest of the chorus before the music fades out.)
ELLEN: Hello, Hello!
(Ellen and Blaine hug before sitting down.)
ELLEN: It’s so nice to have you on the show.
BLAINE: I’m really excited to be here!
ELLEN: You’ve got an excellent voice there, are you sure you’re not Justin Bieber in disguise?
BLAINE: Oh, no, he’s still back there waiting to come out.
BLAINE: Singing is fun, but I’ve got chlorine in my veins. I’m definitely a swimmer.
ELLEN: Now, I hear you just turned seventeen last week.
BLAINE: (nods) Last Thursday.
ELLEN: That’s crazy to me. Because that means when you beat Michael Phelps at the Michigan Grand Prix last month and then again two weeks ago in Charlotte, you were only sixteen! You’re still in high school!
BLAINE: I’m about to finish my sophomore year.
ELLEN: Doesn’t it seem strange to you to be so young and swimming with Olympic level athletes? I mean Michael Phelps has more gold medals than anyone in the world!
BLAINE: It’s kind of surreal sometimes when I think about stuff like that, so I try not to otherwise it gets into my head. But, yeah… I never expected to ever be swimming with guys like Michael or Ryan but it’s really cool. I’m not going to lie. Plus they are really nice guys.
ELLEN: That’s great! But I actually wanted to talk to you about something a bit more serious.
(Blaine rolls his eyes and nods, good-naturedly)
ELLEN: You’re gay.
BLAINE: I am.
ELLEN: And you’re completely open about your sexuality with everyone.
BLAINE: There was a time when I was younger that I was terrified of what being gay meant so I hid it from everyone. When I turned fourteen, I realized that I didn’t want to hide it.
ELLEN: Now there are a lot of high schoolers out there that are afraid to admit something like that. What impresses me the most about you is that you’re also about to be a pretty well known athlete around the world. Didn’t you worry that it would be difficult to be out as a professional athlete?
BLAINE: I’m not going to say it’s easy because it’s not. Bullying has always been an issue for me ever since I came out. But most of my bullying, thankfully, has never come from my teammates. In fact, being a swimmer has done a lot to help stop the bullying.
ELLEN: Let’s talk about the bullying. Most kids your age have dealt with it in some form in their lives.
BLAINE: When I was a freshman, I went to a school dance with another boy and it made a lot of people angry. A group of guys found us in the parking lot afterwards and beat us up.
ELLEN: That’s horrible. Were those boys ever caught?
BLAINE: Yes, but they weren’t punished. I was actually the one that got expelled. We found out after I got out of the hospital a few weeks later.
ELLEN: Wait, how were you expelled?
BLAINE: School policy dictated that anyone involved in a fight be expelled.
ELLEN: But those guys were the ones fighting…
BLAINE: Sadly, there are a lot of rules in place to protect bullies and very few to protect victims. The guys at my old school came from important families and were members of the State Champion Football team. I wasn’t.
ELLEN: So you transferred schools.
BLAINE: I had to repeat my freshman year due to all the school I missed when I was in the hospital, but I got to do it at McKinley which is where I go now. I joined the high school swimming team and I’m lucky that I’ve got a lot of great friends and support there.
ELLEN: You didn’t swim before that?
BLAINE: I swam, but not on a school team. It’s much different. It’s nice to have a group of guys that support you both in the pool and out of it.
ELLEN: That’s great! I hear you qualified for the World Championships with seven events and are the only minor on the men’s team to be invited.
BLAINE: I’m not allowed to go.
ELLEN: (jokingly) Bad grades? Go over the texting limit this month?
BLAINE: (laughs) I wish. Sex tape.
ELLEN: Okay, let’s talk more about that, because you did a special on cyber-bullying for MTV that will air later on this month.
BLAINE: (blushing) I made a poor decision. I was fooling around with my boyfriend in what we thought was a private area and unfortunately it wasn’t. Our (searches for words)
ELLEN: Time together?
BLAINE: Yes, our time together was filmed and posted online by somebody that thought it would be a good way to get back at me for having something that he didn’t. Charges were pressed and the video got taken down, but sadly one of the consequences of the video coming out was that I lost my spot on the national team.
ELLEN: So you didn’t actually post the video then?
BLAINE: Of course not. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and I’ve never made a bad decision, but I would never have posted a video that could hurt my career as well as get my boyfriend expelled from school.
ELLEN: Your boyfriend got expelled from school?
BLAINE: He went to a private school that had a strict moral code. Once the video was posted, he was expelled and he’s had to hire a private tutor because public schools aren’t safe for him.
ELLEN: By not safe, you mean because he’s gay?
BLAINE: Yes. He got bullied really badly at our school.
ELLEN: But you still go there.
BLAINE: I do.
ELLEN: And you don’t get bullied?
BLAINE: (stumbles for words) I… he… Yeah, I do. I’ve gotten notes in my locker telling me to kill myself and shoved around in the hallway, but it’s worse for him.
ELLEN: Why do you think that is?
BLAINE: Honestly? I hate saying this because it feels really hypocritical to say and I don’t believe it should be like this at all, but I’m a student athlete and he isn’t. He’s really smart. He’s got better grades than I do and his tests scores are really high, but he’s not an athlete and sadly, sports are more important at schools than education.
ELLEN: So if you weren’t a swimmer, school would be worse for you as well?
ELLEN: You know, I want to show a picture of you and your boyfriend together, if that’s okay?
BLAINE: Of course.
(A picture of Kurt and Blaine at one of Blaine’s swim meets appears on the screen behind them)
ELLEN: I just think the two of you are adorable.
BLAINE: Well, he’s adorable at least.
ELLEN: His name is Kurt, right?
BLAINE: Yes, and I’m completely in love with him.
ELLEN: It makes me sad to think that you two have been through so much and have been able to overcome it all and find happiness in each other, only to have to put up with people trying to bring the two of you down.
BLAINE: It’s been hard, but I’m incredibly lucky to have such a strong man to lean on when it gets rough.
ELLEN: Do you think it was fair for US Swimming to kick you off of the team?
BLAINE: I think they have a business to run and there are a lot of really talented athletes on that team who don’t deserve to be caught up in a scandal like this, so I can understand why they made the decision that they did.
ELLEN: That’s a very diplomatic answer for a seventeen year old kid.
BLAINE: I could sit here and cry about how much I miss swimming on the national team and how much I want to be able to go to worlds and try out for the Olympics next year, but they made their decision and I have to just keep doing what I’m doing and hope that this one mistake won’t follow me for the rest of my life.
ELLEN: I think once they realize what a great role model you are for kids everywhere, they’ll rethink their decision.
BLAINE: I hope so, but until then, I’m just going to keep swimming.
(Blushes as audience laughs)
BLAINE: I swear that wasn’t intentional.
ELLEN: Sure it wasn’t.
(Blaine covers his face as the audience continues to laugh)
ELLEN: Well, I’ve got to tell you, I really admire your strength. Not a lot of people would be able to come back from being both hospitalized by their bullies as well as having a sex tape spread around the internet, but it seems like you’ve taken it all in stride and only grown stronger because of it. Is there any last advice you could give to kids at home who are having a hard time?
BLAINE: I guess just to never be afraid to do the things that make you happy, even if it’s not always the cool thing to do. Happiness takes work sometimes, but it’s worth it.
ELLEN: I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy training schedule to stop by.
BLAINE: Thank you!
ELLEN: If you’re interested in hearing more about Blaine’s story you can tune into MTV’s Cyber-Bullying special airing next Tuesday at 9pm. We’ve got Justin Bieber up next right after the break.
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