[FIC] Carry Your Shame 20/25
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Additional Warnings: This chapter includes subtle allusions to an emotionally abusive relationship if that is a trigger for you, you might want to skip the next few chapters. Also? Infidelity.
Summary: Kurt’s spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He’s never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley’s Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can’t fix—like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//(Blaine interlude)//Part 4//Part 5//Part 6//Part 7//Part 8//Part 9//(Blaine Interlude 2)//Chapter 10//Chapter 11//Part 12//Part 13//(Blaine Interlude 3)//Part 14//Part 15//Part 16//Part 17//(Blaine Interlude 4)//Part 18//Part 19
*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”
“You promised me there was nothing to worry about,” Evan had said and his words kept bouncing around in Kurt’s mind as he stared down at the video of him with Blaine having sex in the janitor’s closet of McKinley.
Kurt had seen the video before. It was the same one that Lauren had given him a few months back. He hadn’t exactly forgotten about it, but it had been awhile since he’d even seen the flash drive for it. He wasn’t even sure that he’d gotten it back from Blaine in the first place. He didn’t want to know how Evan had come across it.
“Where did you get this?” he said, finally able to vocalize something after a good five minutes of opening and closing his mouth while Evan glared daggers at him.
“Where do you think?” Evan spat, careful to keep his voice quiet enough so that they didn’t wake their hall advisor and get in trouble for being up after lights out. “Your secret lover sent it to me just like he’s been sending me messages for the last two weeks. I thought he was lying about the two of you.”
“Blaine sent you this?” Kurt asked, and sure enough, Blaine’s name was at the top of the chat log, clear as day.
“How could you do this to me?” Evan asked, his voice cracking with emotion.
“This video is old, it’s from before I even met you,” he hastily tried to explain. He couldn’t believe Blaine would send this—not after the night they’d just shared—but he couldn’t deny the evidence when it was staring him in the face.
“So you didn’t sleep with him tonight?” Evan asked, daring him to lie. “Blaine sent me a text saying you guys hooked up and that I lost. It’s like he thinks you’re some kind of prize.”
“And you’re any better?” he snapped, feeling overwhelmed.
He’d never imagined Evan would have to find out this way. While on one hand, he was just glad Evan knew and now they could get the breakup over with, on the other hand, he was mortified. How could Blaine have done this to him? It didn’t make any sense.
“Don’t you dare act like I’m the bad guy here,” Evan said. “You just had sex with a boy you promised me was only ever your friend. You cheated on me, Kurt.”
“You don’t understand,” he tried to explain, but found the words were failing him as he grew more and more overwhelmed by all of this. “Blaine and I… I can’t just ignore what we have together. Not anymore.”
“You know he’s playing you, right?” Evan said with a bitter laugh. “You’re throwing all that we have together away from a boy that’s only ever been interested in getting into your pants.”
“You don’t know him,” Kurt practically growled. Why did everyone keep telling him Blaine could only ever want him for sex? Kurt had other things to offer a relationship and Blaine had told him he wanted to be his boyfriend. This wasn’t about sex.
It couldn’t be about just sex. He was 100% sure of it.
Okay, he was 90% sure of it…
“I think I know him better than you do,” he responded. “Check out those texts he sent me. He’s been playing the victim because he knew the second you pitied him, you’d drop your pants and I guess he was right.”
Evan sounded so disgusted with Kurt. It made him feel like Evan thought he was a prostitute and the thought alone made him sick. He slapped Evan hard across the face before he even stopped to think about what he was doing. The second his hand connected with Evan’s cheek, his eyes were wide and he was apologizing profusely.
What on Earth had happened to them? They’d never once fought before. They’d never even bickered over what dessert to order at a restaurant. Now they were making each other feel like crap and he was slapping his boyfriend? This wasn’t how they acted.
“I love you,” Evan said, tears in his eyes as he looked at Kurt, betrayed. “I don’t understand why you did this to me—to us—but that doesn’t change the fact that I still love you. Can you really say the same about him, if this is how he treats you? Showing a sex tape of you two around like it’s another gold medal to hang around his neck?”
Kurt looked down at Evan’s screen and started scrolling back through the messages Blaine had sent to Evan. Each one was more horrible than the last and felt like a heavy stone had been dropped on his stomach. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to scream out and cry at how horribly he’d been deceived by somebody he thought he could spend forever with.
It just didn’t add up. How could anybody fake the connection they shared? How could everything they had together be an act? Then again, it wasn’t like Evan could lie about this when Kurt was holding the phone in his hands with Blaine’s own texts.
Kurt and I just hooked up, sorry you couldn’t be here to watch.
Does he cry out your name when he comes? Does he even let you touch him?
I bet he still tells you he’s a virgin.
You know that you can’t give him what he needs. He needs a man not some prep school little boy.
I’m going to win and you’re going to lose.
I bet I can get him to sleep with me again before he ever even considers sleeping with you.
For Evan’s part, he barely responded to Blaine except to ask him repeatedly to stop and remind him that Kurt was a person, not a prize. It sounded to eerily similar to what Blaine had told him about Evan. That Evan treated him like he was something to be owned… Kurt had the horrible realization that one of the most convincing arguments Blaine had made for the two of them to get back together again had actually come from Evan’s mouth.
Oh God, Kurt thought, eyes swimming with tears. What had he done?
“I’m so sorry about all of this,” Kurt whispered, handing Evan back his phone as tears fell from both of their eyes. “I didn’t think he was like this.”
“You’re so trusting,” Evan said, putting a soft hand to Kurt’s cheek. “It’s one of the things I love about you, but it’s the thing that’s allows people like Blaine to walk all over you.”
“Why aren’t you angrier with me?” he asked. “If you cheated on me, I’d be throwing things and screaming at you.”
“I probably should be,” Evan admitted with a self-depreciating laugh. “I guess it’s just hard to be upset with you when you look like you’re in so much pain.”
“I trusted him,” he said, more to himself than anyone else. “I gave him everything.”
“Trust me, now,” Evan said with a kiss to his forehead as he lead him gently into his room and helped him get his shoes off so that he could tuck Kurt into bed. “Give me everything. I’ll never break you.”
Kurt had no idea how to respond to that. It sent an odd chill down his spine when he heard it that should have sent off several red flags, but he was too busy drowning in his sorrow over Blaine to pay attention to it.
Maybe he was only 50% sure that Blaine wanted him for more than sex.
“Goodnight, my love,” Evan said, turning off the light and leaving him alone to try and sleep the pain of another disappointment away. He fell asleep staring at a new message from Blaine, trying to figure out how it always fell apart so quickly when it took so long to get it together.
Tonight was perfect, just like you! I never want to forget it <3
Attached was the picture Blaine had taken of them in the bathroom of the bakery. Both of their faces were pressed up against each other and Blaine’s smile was one of the brightest Kurt had ever seen. Not because it was bigger than usual, but because it was so relaxed and natural.
How could any of that be forced? How could Blaine have really sent those hateful messages to Evan while acting so sweet towards him? Was Kurt’s judge of character really that off? He’d thought Evan was the one trying to control him with his ‘Sweethearts’ and ‘Babies’, how had he gotten things so wrong?
If Kurt thought he was mortified that Evan had seen a video of him having sex with Blaine, it had nothing on how he felt when he realized the entire school had somehow seen it. The video had been posted online last night and the link had been emailed to at least half of the student body, with the other half watching it on their friend’s smart phones the next morning.
Dalton had a strict no-bullying policy, which meant nobody could openly call him a slut or a whore, but that didn’t stop the implications. No-bullying didn’t mean everyone had to be nice to him. Not when he’d cheated on one of the most well liked boys in school.
“I figured he was one of those,” he’d hear whispered behind him in classes.
“I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend. Some guys just can’t keep it in their pants,” others would offer their condolences to Evan loud enough for Kurt to hear.
He was even handed a push-up pop during English class by one of his classmates. Right in front of Mrs. Hawthorne the kid had the balls to say, “I know how you like sucking on things.”
Kurt had been seconds from pointing out that he hadn’t even been sucking Blaine off in the video, but he stopped himself before he let it slip out. It wouldn’t have helped matters.
There was nothing the teachers could do to stop it since nobody was breaking any rules, per say. The only person to be given even a warning was Jeremy Brooks, Evan’s best friend, when he’d ‘accidentally’ hit Kurt with a volleyball during gym. Since the teachers couldn’t prove that it wasn’t an accident, the incident had been let go.
As the day progressed texted started coming in from McKinley as well, which meant the video had made it to his old school.
I’m so sorry. Unbelievably sorry.
Thank you mother fucking Jesus that was some hot shit. Where did you learn all that?
From Unknown Number:
No wonder the rest of us never stood a chance with him. Nice ass ;)
Celebrities with true talent don’t have to release sex tapes to get noticed. Cheap tricks don’t earn lasting fame.
Why is there a video of you on the Internet? Does Burt know? Do you know?
Um… if you didn’t know there’s a video of you on the Internet.
There were several messages from unknown numbers that he didn’t even bother to read after the first few. Not once single message came in from Blaine though. Kurt wondered if that meant he was guilty. He hated thinking it when his gut kept telling him that it couldn’t, but he didn’t know what else to believe at this point. It would be a hell of a lot easier to figure this out if Blaine would just text him. It wasn’t like them to not talk at all during the day and with something as scandalous as their sex tape getting released radio silence was the last thing he’d expect.
Kurt had never been so ashamed in his entire life. The entire school, the place where he’d sought refuge, now thought he was some sex hungry skank all because of one single mistake he made. Shit—the entire town probably thought that. None of his classmates would talk to him. Kurt had walked all over Evan’s heart. It didn’t matter that the video they were watching was old. He could have explained that, but it wouldn’t change the fact that Kurt had cheated on Evan last night. Maybe he deserved what was happening.
Kurt glared down at his phone screen willing Blaine to call him. He wondered how he could have the audacity to ignore him when he had to know what Kurt was dealing with since the video was going around McKinley as well. He pocketed his phone, unsure how he even wanted to approach the issue with Blaine when he had enough on his plate at the moment trying to keep his head down and not see the constant glares he was getting. He’d worry about it when he got home.
Home. He was going to have to drive back to Lima tonight. There was no way he could face a whole night in the dorms with these boys when the school day had been bad enough. At least at school he had teachers around if things got out of hand.
“I can’t believe you had sex with that asshole,” Evan said, meeting him at his locker after sixth period. “What kind of a person releases a sex tape to the entire school? We’re high schoolers not Kardashians.”
“How do you know it was him?” he asked, suddenly feeling suspicious.
Obviously, the rational part of his mind was saying Blaine had to be the culprit. Apart from Lauren, who kept spending him apology texts for ever filming the thing in the first place, Blaine was the only one that had known about the tape. He had been the one to send it to Evan; it was likely he’d posted it online at the same time he’d sent the text.
There was just something about the way Evan was handing this though. He was mad at Blaine, but not remotely angry with Kurt. It was the exact opposite response that any normal person would have. Kurt was the one who cheated, not Blaine. Kurt had committed himself to being Evan’s boyfriend and Kurt had broken that, not Blaine. So it would stand to reason that Evan would blame him instead of Blaine, right?
So why was he being so supportive of Kurt when the rest of the school was persecuting him? Kurt was missing something.
Evan had been in possession of the video the second that Blaine had sent it to him. He would have been able to find the Dalton student emails far easier than Blaine ever would have. How did Kurt know that Evan hadn’t sent the video to get back at him for cheating? How did he know that this wasn’t his big revenge, since he refused to get his anger out by yelling like a normal person.
“Please tell me you’re not going to continue to defend a guy that’s bragging all over the Internet about how he tricked you into bed,” Evan said with a roll of his eyes. “He sent me a video of you two having sex and then released it online for everyone else to see. Stop trying to make this okay.”
“I’m not trying to make this okay!” he yelled.
Kurt slammed the door of his locker hard in frustration, needing to hit something. It caused several students to turn and watch. It wasn’t often that Dalton had drama like this. Without girls to scream over and no violence policies in place, this was the first good fight they’d seen in a long time. Of course everyone was going to stop and watch it all go down.
“Then why aren’t you mad at him?” Evan asked, his voice loud enough to carry through the halls.
“I’m furious!” Kurt screamed. “You don’t think I’m mad? I’m humiliated, okay? Is that what you want me to say? I’m not this kind of guy! I don’t just sleep around with anybody and everybody. You know that! I take sex seriously and now there’s a video of me where I look like some slut who will let anybody fuck me and I’m mad. I want to throw things and punch every person that looks at me with that knowing smirk, but I can’t. I’m angry. Don’t you dare try to tell me I’m not.”
“Mr. Hummel,” Headmaster Charlston said, coming up behind him and putting a heavy hand on his shoulder. “My office, now.”
Kurt’s stomach dropped at the tone and wondered how he could possibly have gotten into trouble for any of this when it’d been his classmates making snide comments his direction all day. He was innocent in all of this, a horribly embarrassed victim of some sick competition between two boys vying for his affection.
Whoever thought this would work to their favor was sorely mistaken, because the last thing Kurt would ever feel in relation to this was forgiveness.
He followed the Headmaster to the main office and sat down in one of the hard wooden chairs in the lobby when he was prompted. He was left there to wait with nothing more than a quick, “Your father will be here soon.”
Kurt had never been in trouble like this before. The few times he’d ever had to meet with his principal at his old schools had never been because he was in trouble. There was the time in third grade when he wouldn’t stop crying and his principal had to meet with his dad to discuss sending him to a shrink to deal with the passing of his mother. Then there had been sixth grade when his dad had dragged him into the office after the school refused to let him play the Wicked Witch in their production of The Wizard of Oz despite having no other volunteers. The most recent time had been with Figgins.
His father had never been called to school because he’d done something wrong. The most obnoxious part of it was that he didn’t even fully understand why it was happening. Sure, he knew it had to do with the sex tape. If anything though, they should have been checking to make sure he was alright, not treating him like a criminal. He was the one who’d just been humiliated in front of all of his classmates. They should have been working to get the video taken down; not calling his dad like it had been his idea in the first place.
Maybe that was what they thought? Maybe he just had to explain that he hadn’t been the one to post it and everything would be alright. Well, almost everything. His dad was still going to find out about the tape, there was no avoiding that. He didn’t even want to think about what his father would think of him. Sure, he already knew that Kurt had slept with Blaine, but he didn’t need to know that they had a sex tape together and now the entire world could see it if they knew the correct URL.
He was going to be so disappointed in Kurt. He started preparing himself for the inevitable, ‘what would your mother think of this?’ speech that never failed to make him feel like the shittiest person in the world.
“What happened?” his dad asked frantically the second he ran into the office, out of breath with his hat slightly askew. “You alright? Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine,” Kurt said, staring at the grains in the chair, not wanting to see the look of confusion on his dad’s face. His father had assumed he was hurt. He didn’t think he was in trouble because his dad thought too highly of Kurt to assume that. God, he was such a disappointment.
Since his headmaster hadn’t told Burt why he’d been called down there, Kurt wondered if he could convince his dad to leave before he ever had to find out. He didn’t know if he could bear having to see that look of love fade from his eyes. Oh god, what if the school expected him to tell his dad? He didn’t think he’d be able to make the words, ‘Dad I have a sex tape and it’s going around school,’ come out of his mouth.
“Mr. Hummel,” Headmaster Charlston greeted his dad, ruining all chance of a quick getaway.
“Mind telling me why I got called out of work if my kid’s perfectly fine?” his dad asked.
“Let’s talk inside privately,” he said, nodding his head towards his office.
Kurt remained in his seat as his father and the headmaster went inside and closed the door. He felt like his heart would jump out of his chest and his nails were digging into his palms, he was so nervous. He had no idea how his dad was going to react, but he knew it would be explosive. Kurt just hoped he would take pity on him. It wasn’t like he wanted this to happen.
Kurt waited outside of the office for close to forty minutes, catching only snippets here and there as his dad clearly yelled and argued with the man. The only thing that gave Kurt any sort of relief was the knowledge that if his dad was yelling at the headmaster, he was obviously standing up for Kurt. That meant that even if Kurt had messed up, he wasn’t beyond forgiveness. His dad still loved him.
Eventually, Kurt was allowed to join his dad. The air inside of the office was tense. Kurt couldn’t have even cut it with a knife because it was just too thick. He kept his eyes down, only glancing at his father out of the corner of his eyes. His dad’s arms were crossed tightly across his chest and his jaw was clenched. He was fuming.
“I assume you know why we’re here,” Headmaster Charlston said.
“No,” he admitted which earned him a raised eyebrow from the man. “I mean, yes, I know why where here. But I don’t really understand why I’m in trouble for any of it.”
“You are aware that there is a video of you and another man in a compromising situation going around?” the headmaster asked.
“Yes,” Kurt said blushing heavily and cursing whoever put him in this situation for the thousandth time that day. “But I didn’t put it on the Internet. I didn’t do anything wrong,” he explained quietly not daring to met his father’s eyes.
“Dalton has a strict Code of Ethics that you agreed to when you started attending here,” the headmaster explained. “Whether or not the tape was released by you or not is irrelevant. The issue the school has is the acts committed in the video.”
“Because it’s with a man?” Kurt asked. “I thought you guys didn’t persecute people for their sexuality, that’s what it says in the student handbook.”
“The student handbook also explicitly tells its students to act in a way that would be fitting of a gentleman. Having sex in a public setting for anyone to see doesn’t adhere to that. Having sex at all at your age doesn’t adhere to that. We’re going to have to let you go.”
“Let me go?” Kurt asked. “What does that even mean? I’m not your employee.”
“They’re expelling you,” Burt answered for him, his voice tight with rage.
“Expelling me?” Kurt repeated, outraged. “I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m the victim here.”
“We’ll talk about it later,” Burt said with a warning tone.
“You’re just going to let them kick me out?” he asked, horrified. He couldn’t change schools again, he just couldn’t.
“What would you have me do?” Burt said. “I’ve already screamed and pleaded on your behalf and they won’t budge. There was a strict rule in place and you broke it. It’s over. Now we’ve got to go pack up your things and leave.”
“Leave?” Kurt yelled, looking at the headmaster with tears in his eyes. “Please, you can’t do this to me. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
“I’m truly sorry for this, Mr. Hummel,” the older man said.
“If you were sorry, you wouldn’t do this to me,” Kurt said. “I can’t go back to my old school. They bullied me. They beat me up. This is the only place I have where I can be safe. You have to do something.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, but you have to understand the position you’ve put me in,” he explained. “This school works because we are strict with our rules. If I bend them for you, then I have to bend them for other students and pretty soon our zero-tolerance policies are completely ineffective. This sanctuary that you and so many other students have here would fall apart. I have a responsibility to enforce the rules strictly. I’m sorry to see you go, especially knowing the stories of your old school. You made a choice though and sometimes there’s nothing we can do but live with the consequences.”
“I didn’t post the video,” Kurt tried to reason, knowing it was a feeble attempt.
“That may be true, but unless you can prove it wasn’t you in the video, you still broke our Code of Ethics,” he said.
“Let’s go, Kurt,” Burt said, pulling him up by the elbow. “There’s nothing more that we can do here.”
“I’ll talk to the board and try to get you a refund,” the headmaster said, shaking his dad’s hand.
“That’d be appreciated,” Burt said.
“I wish you both the best,” he said. “Kurt’s a good kid.”
As soon as the door closed behind them, his dad dropped his arm as if it were like acid.
“Let’s go get your stuff,” he said, coldly.
“If it helps, this was before the ‘you matter’ speech?” Kurt said timidly.
“It doesn’t,” his dad said.
They collected the cardboard boxes that the secretary was nice enough to give them to help with moving out and then walked all the way back to the dorms in silence. Kurt was grateful that it was the middle of last period so that his classmates wouldn’t have to watch his walk of shame. It was embarrassing enough that they’d seen him having sex. They didn’t need to watch him get expelled from school, too.
“I just don’t understand why you threw away such a good opportunity,” Burt said as they reached his room and Kurt pulled the packing tape out of his drawer so they could start to build the boxes.
“I didn’t post that video,” he said, pleading with his dad to understand. “Trust me, people seeing that is the last thing I ever wanted.”
“Why did you and Evan film something like that anyway? And why wasn’t he called into the office?” Burt asked.
“It wasn’t with Evan,” he admitted quietly, ashamed.
“Jesus Christ, Kurt,” Burt exclaimed. “There’s a third guy here? What happened to my innocent little boy?”
“There’s no third guy,” he explained. “It was Blaine.”
“Blaine?” Burt asked, an inquisitive look to his eye, but he seemed less upset about the prospect of Kurt being with Blaine than he did Kurt being with his own boyfriend.
“Okay, try to hide your love for him a bit, could you?” Kurt said annoyed. He’d never understood why his dad could like Blaine so much when he’d hurt Kurt yet he continued to hate Evan when he’d been nothing but a gentleman.
“I’m not happy about this,” Burt said. “I’m disappointed in you. In both of you really, but I’m not Blaine’s father so I can’t really lecture him. You know better than this, though.”
“I know,” he whispered.
“I still love you, I know you’re bound to make mistakes, it’s just frustrating,” Burt explained.
“I know,” he repeated. He figured it was going to be his mantra all through this lecture. There was nothing his dad would be able to tell him that he hadn’t already thought.
“We finally found something good for you here, and now it’s gone,” Burt said. “You can’t go back to McKinley either, so now what? Homeschool?”
“I don’t want to be homeschooled,” he said quickly.
“Well, too damn bad,” Burt said. “I think you’ve lost the right to chose where you go since you got expelled from school. You should be grateful your mother’s not here to see this.”
And there it was. The single card his dad ever had to play to make him feel guiltier than anything else.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, tears filling his eyes. “Please don’t make me be homeschooled.”
“I guess we can look into Mt. Carmel,” Burt grumbled. “Their Glee club is really popular so maybe they’ll be more accepting of people, but we’re never going to find another Dalton.”
“There’s nothing we can do?” he asked, but he knew the answer was no. He’d heard the headmaster’s argument and he knew Dalton’s punishments were harsh and unchangeable.
“What would you have me do? Sue the school? We’re already involved in a lawsuit against McKinley,” Burt explained sounding exhausted. “We can’t keep doing this. We’ve got to find a solution that works long term.”
“I am really sorry Dad,” he said honestly. “I didn’t want this to happen.”
“This is what happens when you decide you’re capable of making adult decisions,” Burt said. “You get to deal with adult consequences. Did my speech mean nothing to you?”
“Of course not,” Kurt said sheepishly.
He had taken what his dad had said to heart. He’d tried to start taking better care of himself and respecting himself more. The problem was his speech had come after the sex fueled, locker room meet up. He’d been too late.
“You and Blaine aren’t old enough to be having sex,” he said. “You’re kids and now you’ve got a sex tape on the Internet. Why on Earth would you put that on video?”
Kurt didn’t bother responding. At this point he knew he was just going to have to put up with his dad’s snide comments for the rest of the day until his father cooled down enough to really hear him when he apologized.
“If you didn’t post the video, who did?” Burt asked.
“I don’t know,” Kurt admitted.
“You must have some idea,” he prodded.
“I don’t know,” he repeated, frustrated. “Blaine? Evan? I have no idea.”
“Well,” Burt scoffed as if the answer should be clear.
“Dad,” he said with a warning tone. “You have no idea who did this. Blaine has just as much reason to release it as Evan does and Blaine had access to the video. He texted it to Evan.”
“Blaine sent a video of you getting intimate with him to Evan?” Burt asked with a raised eyebrow. “Why would he do that?”
“To break us up? How should I know?”
“You said you were already planning on breaking up with him,” he said. “And don’t you think that’s a little convenient? The little shit’s—”
“Dad!” he cut his dad off before he could finish his sentence. “Please.”
Kurt heard the bell ring in the distance, signaling the end of the school day. Students would start flooding the halls soon, but he was grateful his roommate would be gone at Lacrosse practice for another few hours. If he was lucky, he could slip out without having to talk to that many people.
There was a soft knock on his door a few minutes later and Kurt was surprised to look up and find Evan watching him with a somber expression. He was supposed to be at a Warblers meeting.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Burt grumbled, giving Kurt a pointed look and clearly refraining himself from saying any more as he left the room in search of a place to buy coffee. Kurt suspected coffee might have been code for a beer, but he didn’t think he was in a position to lecture his dad on his choices. Not after the day he’d put him through.
“You can’t leave,” Evan cried, rushing to Kurt’s side to pull him in for a hug as soon as the door was shut behind them.
“I got expelled,” he explained bitterly. “I don’t really have a choice.”
“He had to know what he was doing,” Evan said. He pulled away and reluctantly started to help Kurt pack up his things into the boxes the school had provided for him.
“What do you mean?” he asked, annoyed, unsure of who Evan was talking about.
“Kurt,” Evan said, waiting until Kurt turned around to meet his eyes. “You know that I didn’t do this, right? You aren’t blaming me?”
Kurt rubbed his face, trying to will the headache away. He was sick of thinking about this. He was sick of trying to figure any of it out when it all just hurt too much. His classmates, whom he thought were his friends, all thought he was a whore. He was being kicked out of the only school where he’d never had to deal with being bullied. His own father was so disappointed in him that he could barely meet his eyes without tearing up.
Everything was falling apart because of one carefree moment in a janitor’s closet months ago. He wished, more than anything, he could take it all back. He wished he’d just erased the video the second that Lauren had given it to him and had never shown Blaine. None of this would have happened if he’d just gotten rid of the video. Maybe he was to blame for this.
“I had nothing to gain from releasing that tape and everything to lose,” Evan said. “You’re leaving Dalton because of that tape. Why would I ever want that?”
Kurt shrugged, unable to answer his question. He was right. There wasn’t any good reason that Evan could have for releasing the tape. He’d been at Dalton long enough to know their rules. He would have known that a tape like that would go against the Dalton Code of Ethics and be grounds for expulsion. If he really still wanted to be with Kurt like he said he did, he had nothing to gain from releasing the tape.
Which only left Blaine to blame.
“Why would he do that?” Kurt asked, feeling himself start to cry for the sixth time that day.
“Because he knew it’d get you out of Dalton and away from me,” Evan said. “He’s probably hoping you’ll go back to McKinley now.”
“Well, I’m probably going to have to be home schooled now so congratulations. We all lose,” he said, resentful about the whole thing. Had the Lady Gaga concert really only been yesterday? He’d been so stupid to think that one night could fix everything.
“Are you sure there’s nothing that your dad can do to make them bend the rules a little bit? You aren’t the one that released the tape,” Evan asked.
“They don’t care. I still acted in a way that was unbecoming of a Dalton student,” he said in a mockingly bitter tone.
“This sucks,” Evan grumbled. “You just moved in!”
“I guess I’m just destined to be a vagabond,” he said, taping up a box with all of his school supplies in it and moving to his closet, quickly snatching a scarf out of Evan’s hands before he could wrinkle it by folding it wrong.
“I’m sorry this happened to you,” Evan said. “You’re a good guy, you don’t deserve this.”
“Thanks,” Kurt said. His smile didn’t come close to reaching his eyes, but it was at least genuine.
“It’s time to get going,” Burt said, appearing at the doorway with a Starbuck’s in hand.
Not a beer, Kurt said to himself. That must have meant Burt had calmed down a bit from his original anger. That was a good sign. Maybe he wouldn’t be grounded for the next twenty years.
“It was nice to see you, Mr. H,” Evan said, giving his dad a polite smile that wasn’t returned.
Evan turned to give Kurt a grimace at his dad’s continued hatred of him, before gesturing for Kurt to call him and left.
“You know you could cut him some slack. He’s not the one in the sex tape with me,” Kurt reminded him.
“Doesn’t make me like him any more,” he said.
His dad and Evan had never gotten along no matter how hard Evan tried to win him over. It never made any sense to Kurt but when he’d asked him about it, his dad had spouted a bunch of nonsense about how Kurt shouldn’t have to change to be with Evan and a feeling he had about him. He would have taken it more seriously if his dad didn’t continue to campaign for Blaine to come around the house more often. His dad couldn’t be that good of a judge of character if he thought Blaine walked on water.
“You ready to go?” Burt asked as they threw the last of his stuff into a box.
Kurt nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat. For all his talk of being a caged bird at Dalton, he’d never truly wanted to leave. Not like this. Not when he wasn’t able to make a triumphant return to McKinley. His dad was honestly going to make him get homeschooled after this. He was going to be one of those freaky kids that didn’t know what the Internet was.
Maybe that would be a good thing after today, he thought bitterly.
No. He’d just started making friends for the first time in his life. Now was not the time to pull him out of school completely. He was going to grow up to be one of those crazy cat people now. He’d have a small studio apartment and fifty cats and talk to the mailman sadly about how he’d been forced to say goodbye to all of his friends when he was young and never made a new one again.
Maybe that was a bit extreme, but this whole home school thing felt equally extreme.
“Is everything going to be okay?” Kurt asked as they carried his boxes out to put into the back of their two cars.
“Of course it’s not okay,” Burt said. “But I guess you’re old enough to deal with the consequences of your actions and you made these choices so what can we do but move forward from here?”
Kurt knew that was hardly the end of this argument, but for the moment his dad seemed to be done talking about it so Kurt decided to drop it.
“I just want to go back to McKinley,” Kurt admitted once they’d finished packing the cars and they had turned his keys in to the front office.
“Not until it’s safe,” Burt said.
“What are you doing up?” Finn asked at five o’clock the next morning. Finn was just coming down the stairs to grab his usual cereal before heading out to work out with Blaine, but Kurt had prepared him a nice cooked breakfast instead.
“You don’t even have school,” he said suspiciously.
“I’m going with you this morning,” Kurt said leaving no room for argument as he shoveled food onto Finn’s plate.
“To the gym?” he asked, doubtfully.
“I work out, too,” Kurt said, slightly offended.
“I know, but you do yoga and ellipticals and stuff. We’re pretty much going to be running around with weights on our ankles and seeing who can do the most suicides. It’s not really your thing.”
“I just got kicked out of school and I’m probably going to be homeschooled,” Kurt snapped. “Can’t I just want to go to the gym with you to get out of the house?”
Finn gave him a suspicious look and Kurt knew that Finn could tell his wanting to go to the gym had more to do with Finn’s workout partner than anything else.
Kurt had been up most of the night replaying everything over and over. He had finally let himself admit that Blaine was at fault. Even if he didn’t post the video online—which was still a possibility—he’d at least sent it to Evan which had given him the opportunity to post the video online. Either way, all roads lead back to Blaine. Kurt could admit that. What he couldn’t figure out was why.
Why would Blaine put so much time and effort into winning him back just to throw it all away just so he could brag to Evan about it? He thought Blaine was better than that.
Kurt needed answers and since Blaine hadn’t picked up his phone when Kurt tried to call him yesterday, he decided that if he wanted to talk to Blaine, he’d have to see him. He wanted to do this face to face. That way he’d be able to see the truth all over Blaine’s face. He’d know if he was lying. Texting gave Blaine a good cover. It gave him time to come up with lies. It gave him time to chicken out. Phone calls could always be hung up on.
No. Face to face was going to be ideal. He wanted to be able to look into Blaine’s eyes when he admitted he threw their relationship away for some stupid battle with Evan. He wanted to see Blaine’s face when he realized he would never be able to make up for this. Blaine had lost Kurt Dalton.
Blaine had lost Kurt his reputation. He’d even lost him a great deal of his father’s respect and trust. None of that could really be taken back.
Finn drove Kurt to school in relative silence. Kurt had snapped at him when he couldn’t decide on a radio station and after that Finn had turned the radio off altogether. When they got to the school, Kurt followed Finn as he didn’t even bother to stop by the locker room first. There was no need. They were both already dressed for practice.
“Faster!” Kurt heard somebody yelling as they entered the gym and saw Mr. Anderson holding a stopwatch as Blaine ran up and down the stairs of the bleachers.
“Kurt, hey,” Blaine said, surprised as he reached the bottom and noticed the two of them standing off to the side awkwardly.
“This isn’t social hour, we’re training,” Mr. Anderson yelled, staring down at his clipboard and barely looking up at them.
“Give me five minutes,” Blaine called back but it was no use. Kurt saw Mr. Anderson look up with distaste and start walking his way.
“So it’s you,” he said, looking down the top of his nose. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”
“Excuse me?” Kurt said, highly offended. Did he seriously just insinuate that any of this was Kurt’s fault?
“Dad, please. Can I just have five minutes to talk to him?” Blaine asked. Mr. Anderson reluctantly agreed after an impressive battle of wills.
“I’m glad you came,” Blaine said, pulling him out of the gym so they could talk in the empty hallway without anyone overhearing. “I was going to text you but my dad’s been holding my phone hostage and they’ve had to ban Facebook and all the major networking sites to get kids to stop watching it at school.”
Kurt didn’t have to ask Blaine what it was to understand—the video. Kurt knew it had reached McKinley because he’d gotten enough text messaged commentary about it.
“What would you have said?” he asked carefully. He was mad, sure, but he was trying his best to talk about this rationally.
“What do you mean?” Blaine asked cluelessly.
“If you had been able to text me, what would you have said?” Kurt asked, curious what Blaine thought he could even say to make up for all of this happening.
“I would have asked how you were doing with all of this,” he said, reaching his hand up to put it on Kurt’s shoulder but Kurt pulled out of his reach. “It’s kind of shitty that everyone’s seen that.”
“Of course it’s shitty! How do you think I’m doing with this?” Kurt asked. “Why did you do it?”
“Me?” Blaine asked, looking taken back. “Wait, you’re honestly blaming me for this?”
“Well, you’re the one that had the video,” he said.
“I gave it back to you,” Blaine said. “If anybody should have the blame here it’s you. Who did you show it to?”
“I didn’t show anybody,” he defended himself, remembering sheepishly that Blaine had given him back the flash drive the day they’d watched it together at Blaine’s. “You’re telling me that you never made a copy of it? I don’t believe you.”
“Fine, maybe I did, but I certainly didn’t show anybody,” Blaine said. “You know what’s sad? That you probably know that Evan’s the one that did this but for some reason you’ll continue to blame me.”
“Why would Evan do this? I got kicked out of school because of this,” he explained.
He wanted to believe Blaine was innocent. He had his doubts all along, but he knew he couldn’t let it go that easily. There were still the text messages to Evan that couldn’t be denied. Kurt had seen them!
“Shit, seriously?” Blaine asked, looking worried. It wasn’t fair; Blaine didn’t get to be concerned about him. Not now.
“Evan wouldn’t have gotten me expelled. What good would that do him?” Kurt asked.
It was the argument that he kept telling himself every time he thought maybe… just maybe Evan had posted it. He’d had the perfect motive. Kurt had slept with Blaine when he barely even let Evan touch him below the equator. But Evan releasing the tape made just as little sense to him as Blaine doing it. What was the benefit?
“It got you angry at me,” Blaine countered, a bitter bite to his tone. “Did he convince you to block my number yet? You de-friend me on Facebook in your quest to villainize me?”
“What else am I supposed to believe? He showed me the text messages you’ve been sending him,” Kurt defended himself.
“Seriously?” Blaine asked. “Then you know that he’s been the one giving me shit.”
“What are you talking about?” Kurt asked. It was almost hilarious that Blaine was trying to pretend that he was the victim when Kurt saw Evan’s phone. Evan had never done more than politely ask Blaine to stop. “All he asked was for you to leave him alone.”
“He asked for me to leave you alone,” Blaine said condescendingly. “He told me if I kept talking to you that he’d make my life hell, and guess what, he did!”
“So you’re going to sit there and tell me that you didn’t send him a text telling him that we hooked up last night?” he asked.
“Is that what he told you? The little shit is sneakier than I thought,” Blaine muttered to himself. “Of course I didn’t tell him that. That moment was for us, I wouldn’t share it with a slimy fuck like him. It meant something to me and you know what? I thought that moment meant something to you, too, but I can see you’re clearly going with him on this one even though you told me you were going to break up with him. Do you even like him?”
“You know what? Don’t even bother,” Blaine said when Kurt just stood there like a guppy opening and closing his mouth, unable to think of a good retort. “I have practice.”
He threw his hands up and stormed back inside. Kurt stood there, unable to move as he processed everything that had just happened. He wanted to believe Blaine, but he also couldn’t pass off the text messages Evan had shown him as nothing. He needed to talk about this more, but he didn’t think Blaine was going to come back and he knew Mr. Anderson would keep him away if he tried to enter the gym again to talk to him.
“What happened?” Finn asked, stepping outside and looking at him in concern.
“Nothing,” he muttered.
“Well that can’t be true because Blaine’s crying,” Finn said. “What did you say?”
“Me?” he asked. “What makes you think that I said something?”
“Because he’s the one crying,” Finn said.
“Well good, let him. I don’t care,” he lied.
“You’re being a little harsh, dude,” Finn said.
“And why aren’t you? You hate Blaine. Well now’s your chance to bash him just like you always wanted. He sent that video out,” Kurt argued, confused as to why Finn wasn’t more upset over this. He’d rushed at any chance to criticize Blaine before. This was a prime opportunity. Kurt wasn’t going to stop him.
“I don’t hate Blaine,” Finn said. “I don’t like the guy, but I don’t hate him.”
“This is just what you said would always happen. Why aren’t you laughing and saying I told you so?” Kurt yelled, growing more and more angry at Finn’s lack of anger. Why was everyone taking Blaine’s side? His dad? Now Finn?
“Because none of this is funny,” Finn said. “You weren’t here yesterday, you have no idea. You didn’t watch Blaine get pulled out of Spanish class by Coach Roz and disappear for the rest of the day as the video started to make its way around. You didn’t hear his dad screaming at him in the locker room last night—practically the whole school could hear it was so loud. Blaine’s going to lose his sponsors for the rest of his upcoming meets because of this. I don’t know a lot about a lot of things, but I know that there’s no way Blaine would have done this to himself. He didn’t release the video.”
Kurt let Finn’s words sink in until he knew they were undoubtedly correct. Blaine valued his father’s respect a lot. His reputation as a role model was important too—even if he had been to his fair share of college parties and slept around a bit. He never would have posted something so incriminating to his swimming career online. He wasn’t dumb. He wouldn’t have posted this if it meant risking his father’s eternal disappointment.
And above all else? Kurt knew when Blaine told him that he loved him that he meant it. If Blaine wouldn’t have released the video for the pain it would cause himself, he really wouldn’t have done it for the pain it would cause Kurt. Which only left one question: what were the text messages from Blaine to Evan and why was one of them a video that only the two of them—and Lauren who swore up and down didn’t have a copy and the girl didn’t lie— were in possession of?
It still didn’t make any sense.
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