[FIC] Carry Your Shame 19/25
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Additional Warnings: This chapter includes subtle allusions to an emotionally abusive relationship if that is a trigger for you, you might want to skip the next few chapters. Also? Infidelity.
Summary: Kurt’s spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He’s never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley’s Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can’t fix—like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//(Blaine interlude)//Part 4//Part 5//Part 6//Part 7//Part 8//Part 9//(Blaine Interlude 2)//Chapter 10//Chapter 11//Part 12//Part 13//(Blaine Interlude 3)//Part 14//Part 15//Part 16//Part 17//(Blaine Interlude 4)//Part 18
*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”
Kurt woke up the next morning feeling horrible. He didn’t even want to think about getting out of bed and facing the day, not after yesterday. Not after last night. He wondered if he could stay in bed forever and never have to deal with anything again. It was a tempting solution to his problem.
He’d asked Blaine for some time to think about everything. Their phone call had stirred something in him that he didn’t know how to deal with. He felt the intense longing to be with Blaine again and wanted more than anything to say yes to his pleas. He loved Blaine, there was no denying that anymore.
Still, the phone call had been very late at night and he’d been exhausted from the busy day. The very last thing he wanted was to say something he’d regret later. So he’d asked for some time to think it over. That was what mature people did, right?
He didn’t think time was going to make any of his problems go away, though. He’d still have to deal with them eventually. He just wasn’t sure how. He knew that he’d be breaking up with Evan. There wasn’t any way he could stay with him now that he realized he was only using him to replace Blaine.
He had to end things with Evan. It wouldn’t magically make things between him and Blaine perfect—that was going to take some more work—but it would be a big start. He just needed to pick up the phone and tell Evan that they weren’t going to work out. Something was stopping him, though. He was reluctant to break it off with Evan, even though he’d practically admitted to not loving him.
Fear, Kurt realized. Fear was what was holding him back. He knew how much Evan cared about him and he didn’t want to be the reason Evan got hurt. Kurt had been in that position and he didn’t want to be the one to cause that kind of pain. He knew that Evan hadn’t done anything wrong except for fall for the wrong guy. How could Kurt just go and destroy him like that?
Maybe it was selfish of him, but he couldn’t stand the thought of Evan looking at him in betrayal when he’d only ever looked at him like he’d built the moon and the stars just for him.
Kurt picked up his phone and called Lauren. If anyone would be able to give him advice about telling somebody something they didn’t want to hear, it was her. She never had a problem with being honest. She didn’t feel guilty about other people’s feelings.
“What up, Cullen?” Lauren answered.
“How do you tell somebody something they don’t want to hear?” he asked, immediately getting to the point.
“You just tell ‘em,” she said and he could just picture her unconcerned shrug. “Not doing anybody any good if you sugar coat things. We talking about Anderson?”
“Not exactly,” Kurt said with a blush.
“You’re dumping Spanish Prince Charming?” she asked. “Shit, we’re going to need a different venue for this conversation. Ice Cream?”
“It’s ten o’clock in the morning,” he said.
“So all you can eat pancakes? Or did you want something fancier? This is your breakup not mine,” she said.
“I’m not… we didn’t break up. Not yet, at least,” he said. “I don’t know. I’m still deciding.”
“Cullen, Evan was never going to be your OTP,”
“Then why did you push me towards him?”
“Because there is nothing wrong with two gorgeous boys going at each other while one of them waits for their endgame lover to get their head out of their ass.”
“You spend too much time on the Internet,” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes.
“And so do you considering you understood everything I just said,” she replied.
“I feel like I used him,” Kurt said with a sigh, getting back on topic. “I honestly didn’t know that was going to happen. I liked Evan. I thought I could fall for him.”
“You’re seventeen, give yourself a break,” she said, as sympathetic as she was capable of sounding. “The guy at the end of the story isn’t supposed to be the rebound guy.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Name one epic romance that never had to work for it.”
“You hate Blaine,” he said instead of answering her question. He knew that he couldn’t.
“The hobbit is growing on me, much like Samwise did in Lord of the Rings,” she said. Kurt was always impressed with how she could turn almost anything into a fandom reference. “You know how annoyingly up Frodo’s ass he was in the beginning of the movies, following him around like a lost puppy?”
“Blaine wasn’t hopelessly devoted to me,” Kurt said. “He ignored me.”
“Okay, fine. Bad reference, but still,” she said. “He grew on me and now that I’ve gotten to know him a bit more, I like him. He’s fiery.”
“Fiery?” he asked, wondering at what point they’d spent more time together and how that time had lead to her thinking Blaine was fiery.
“Yeah,” she said but didn’t explain why. He rolled his eyes and dropped it.
“Can we get back to how I’m supposed to tell Evan that I want to break up? Because the Blaine side of this makes my head hurt,” he whined.
“Just be honest,” Lauren said. “The longer you let him believe you want to be with him, the harder it’s going to be for both of you.”
Kurt wasn’t quite sure that helped him at all. In fact, he knew the last thing he could do was just walk up to Evan and tell him he wanted to break up. Evan would want to know why and Kurt didn’t think he could tell him that it was because he was in love with another man. He’d have to figure something else out.
Rather than try to figure out a solution, Kurt decided to spend his entire day holed up in his room with his phone turned on silent so he could conveniently ignore the texts that Evan was sending him every few hours. Monday went by in a similar fashion, with Kurt opting to study in the library during lunch rather than sit next to Evan, where his boyfriend would be constantly trying to pull him away to a secluded hallway to make out. He practically ran to his dorm that day after school so he wouldn’t have to talk to him. He felt horrible about it, but he didn’t think he could look him in the face without blurting out that he was in love with Blaine.
When Tuesday came, Kurt decided he’d had enough hiding. He was going to be a man and break up with Evan, just like Lauren had suggested. It was a simple enough plan. First thing in the morning, before he even stopped by his locker, Kurt found Evan and told him that he wanted to talk to him about something during lunch. This way, Kurt wouldn’t be able to chicken out. Evan had agreed with a slight frown, as if he knew what was coming.
That was good, Kurt told himself. If Evan thought Kurt might break up with him, he could start to prepare himself for their conversation. Maybe it didn’t have to be such a train wreck of a breakup.
All of that had been wishful thinking though, because when Kurt walked over to Evan’s locker as the bell rang for lunch, the very last thing he could do was break up with him because Evan was already upset about something else. The second Kurt was within touching distance of Evan, he found himself pulled into a hug so tight that he thought he might bruise a rib.
“My mom’s moving back to Spain,” Evan said with a shaky breath, sounding like he was close to tears.
“What?” Kurt asked, rubbing his back to try and calm him down enough to talk. Everyone was walking past them with concerned looks on their faces. Kurt pulled away and dragged a distraught Evan into an empty classroom for some privacy.
“What happened?” he asked again.
“My mom texted me during second period,” Evan explained, pulling out his phone. He held it out for Kurt to see.
Your father had an affair. I’m moving back to Spain tomorrow. Don’t know if your dad is going to let you come.
“She sent you that in a text?” Kurt asked, outraged on Evan’s behalf. How could somebody’s own mother tell their child something that devastating over the phone?
“I heard them arguing on Sunday. I tried to talk to you about it, but you didn’t answer your phone,” he explained.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, instantly feeling guilty. “My battery was dead.”
“They always fight, I didn’t think she’d actually move out,” he said, sniffling a little.
“What are you going to do?” Kurt asked, wondering if Evan would have to move to Spain as well. A small, very horrible part of him hoped that he would. It would certainly solve a lot of the problems he’d been having. That was an incredibly rude thought though. He didn’t wish this on anybody, let alone somebody as sweet as Evan.
“I’m not sure,” he said. “I don’t know if my dad would ever let me move out of the country and I don’t think my mom would have the money to fight it. I don’t know if I’d want her to.”
Kurt didn’t know what to say, so he opted for holding Evan close as he cried into his shoulder. This might have been how he pictured his lunch going, but he certainly had planned it under different circumstances—his own breakup, not Evan’s parents.
“Oh, I totally forgot,” Evan said, pulling back and wiping his eyes. “You had something you wanted to talk to me about, right?”
“It’s alright,” he said, immediately ashamed of himself. Here Evan was going through something horrible and he couldn’t even pick up the phone on Sunday to talk to him. He had planned on breaking up with him today. “It’s nothing that can’t wait.”
“Thank you,” Evan said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Well fuck, Kurt thought.
As the week progressed, Kurt threw himself into being a better boyfriend to Evan during this difficult time. He did his best to squash his feelings for Blaine, at least temporarily. Once this stuff with Evan’s parents blew over, he’d sort it all out. He’d break up with him then. He couldn’t be the guy that broke up with somebody when their entire world was already falling apart. He just couldn’t.
“Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” Evan asked him, Wednesday afternoon from his spot on Kurt’s bed.
“It’s Lady Gaga,” Kurt scoffed as he started to put blue glitter onto the perfectly applied lightning bolt on his face.
He’d had this outfit planned for over a week—well he’d had outfits planned for months, but he’d only recently settled on one. Black leather pants with a blue tank top and a yellow-zebra print, short-sleeved hoodie with a wide neck reminiscent of his idol. If he was going to a Gaga concert, he was going to do it right. Besides, now that he was at Dalton he didn’t get a chance to express himself through fashion as often as he’d like. Tonight was going to be a nice break from the usual navy blazer.
“You’re going with Blaine then?” he asked, sounding unimpressed.
“I thought you and Blaine got along now,” Kurt said, turning to him with concern. “Please don’t tell me that you’re getting jealous. It’s just a concert.”
“Right,” he said with a long-suffering sigh.
Kurt returned it with a sigh and grumble of his own and turned back to the mirror to finish his makeup. Blaine was going to be there any minute to pick him up.
“Blaine bought these tickets for us over Christmas,” Kurt explained, hoping to squash any argument before it could start. He didn’t want this of all days to be ruined. “I didn’t even know you then and I’m certainly not going to not go now just because I suddenly have a boyfriend.”
“It’s fine, Sweetheart,” Evan said, eyes glued to the comforter of Kurt’s bed.
While Evan’s face didn’t have a hint of malice to it, Kurt couldn’t help but sense that things weren’t remotely fine.
“It’s not a date,” Kurt said, unsure why he felt the need to continue to justify this further. Evan had said it was fine, why didn’t he just drop it?
“I just thought we could hang out tonight and watch a movie to get my mind off things,” he said, whining a bit and grating on Kurt’s nerves. “But I’m sure you’re sick of playing babysitter at this point.”
“I’m not,” he explained quickly, thought it was a bit of a lie. He was growing irritated with Evan’s constant need to be around him all of the time. “I’d like nothing more than to hang out with you. I just can’t tonight.”
“Of course,” Evan said. “Blaine calls.”
Kurt rolled his eyes but bit his tongue, it was no use arguing about this further. It was obvious that Evan was determined to sulk about this. He almost cheered in relief when his phone lit up with a text telling him that Blaine was here.
“Listen, I’ve gotta go,” Kurt said, checking his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed. He leaned over to kiss Evan goodbye, but Evan pulled away.
“I can’t kiss you with that stuff on your face, baby,” Evan said with a look that told Kurt he thought his outfit was disgusting.
“Fine,” Kurt said with an annoyed roll of his eyes, reminding himself that he wouldn’t have to date him for that much longer. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Kurt closed the door behind him, not even bothering to look back. He was fuming from the fact that Evan had the audacity to criticize his outfit. For starters, it wasn’t like Kurt wore makeup every day; it was a concert for god’s sake. He was allowed to be a little crazy when he was going to a concert. Also, how did Evan—a boy who thought it was acceptable to wear track pants to the mall—get to say anything about his fashion sense?
“Hey, stranger,” Blaine greeted him as Kurt walked out of the dorms to find Blaine casually leaning against his car. “You look amazing.”
Kurt’s mood instantly improved at the compliment, reminding himself that not everybody in Ohio was completely blind to his genius.
“And you look like you’re going to see the Backstreet Boys’ forty-year anniversary tour,” Kurt said, looking Blaine’s outfit up and down with amusement. He was wearing the dark wash jeans Kurt had picked out—the ones that hugged his ass just so—but he’d paired them with a simple, tight red polo. Hardly Gaga material. “Don’t tell me that’s what you’re wearing to Gaga.”
Blaine threw a package at him which Kurt barely caught as he said, “I figured I’d keep it plain. No use taking any attention away from you.”
Kurt looked down at the package and noticed eyelash glue, alcohol wipes, red rhinestones, black eyeliner, and red eyeshadow. Kurt looked up from the package to Blaine several times, trying to figure out what it was for.
“Did you expect me to deny you the joy of making me over?” Blaine asked with a proud smile.
“Are you serious?” Kurt asked, feeling suddenly giddy at the thought of being able to put makeup on the other boy. He’d always loved a good makeover, but he rarely got a chance to do one. He never pictured Blaine as the type to let him put rhinestones all over his face, but then again, Blaine had been changing a lot recently—coming into his own.
“I’m agreeing to makeup and maybe some crazy glasses,” he said with a laugh. “And I’ll only let you take pictures if you promise not to plaster them on Facebook. My dad would kill me if a picture like that got put on the internet. Future celebrity and all.”
“Try to be a little more modest, Anderson,” Kurt teased.
“So you agree to the terms?” he asked.
“Agreed,” he said, accepting Blaine’s welcoming hug, trying not to notice the way Blaine’s nose nuzzled at his neck, smelling his cologne. He couldn’t notice these things about Blaine. Not yet. Not until after he broke up with Evan. The last thing he wanted was to be a cheater.
“Then my body is yours for the night,” Blaine said with a wink as he helped Kurt into the car. Kurt tried not to flush at Blaine’s obvious double meaning.
No. They were not doing any of that tonight. He refused.
“So on a scale one to just won the lottery, how excited are you right now?” Blaine asked, tossing his phone at Kurt so that he could pick some music for them to listen to. It had pretty much become their tradition that Blaine was always the one to drive and Kurt was always the one to pick out a soundtrack for them to sing along to and talk over.
“It’s Gaga,” Kurt responded, which was answer enough to his question. Of course he was excited. He was about to go to a concert for the artist that he worshiped with the boy he was in love with. Tonight was going to be perfect.
“I’m really glad we could do this,” Blaine said, giving him a sweet smile as they pulled out of the parking lot.
“Me, too,” he said, settling on some Lady Gaga music to get them pumped up for the show.
“You haven’t really been texting me a lot since we talked on Sunday,” Blaine said, clearly asking him if he’d had time to think about what they’d talked about without really asking him.
“I’ve just had some stuff to deal with,” he said, biting his lip, hoping Blaine saw it for the sign that it was. Hoping that Blaine could see that Kurt had made his choice.
“And did you?” Blaine asked, giving him a significant look. “Deal with that stuff?”
“Not yet,” he admitted, trying hard not to see the way Blaine’s face fell at the news.
Kurt immediately felt like a horrible person. How could he, a boy who previously had no friends let alone a boyfriend, have two gorgeous boys in love with him? It defied the laws of nature. At this point, no matter what he did, he was going to be letting somebody down. He hated that feeling. He hated knowing that he was going to become the villain in this—the boy who couldn’t choose. The boy who broke a good guy’s heart. The boy who threw a good thing away.
Despite the fact that Evan could be clingy and didn’t always respect Kurt’s interests, the thought of breaking up with him when he was going through such a sad time made Kurt feel guilty. Of course, that guilt had nothing on the way Kurt’s heart clinched at the sight of Blaine’s frown. It was like he didn’t think he was worthy of Kurt. Like Kurt didn’t want to end it with Evan.
God was that wrong, though. Looking at Blaine—the way his hair was slightly less gelled than usual, the way he’d purposefully worn the jeans Kurt picked out for him because he knew it made him happy, the way he spent time doing things with Kurt that he’d obviously never do on his own, (like offer to wear makeup to a concert) but never made it seem like it was a chore—it took everything in him not to kiss Blaine right there.
Instead, he distracted himself by scrolling through Blaine’s phone for some songs to listen to.
“How can you have so many P!nk songs?” Kurt said with an easy, comfortable laugh.
“Don’t you dare tell me that you don’t love P!nk,” he said, fixing him with a stern glare before turning his eyes back to the road. “I’ve seen your iTunes and know for a fact you have all of her albums.”
After a quick dinner at a French bakery, just like Blaine had promised, they found themselves in the bathroom of said bakery, with Blaine sitting on top of the toilet seat while Kurt practically straddled him in order to glue the red rhinestones around his eyes.
“On a scale one to ten, how ridiculous do I look?” Blaine asked, while keeping his eyes closed like a good boy. He’d been yelled at once in the very beginning when he’d jumped back suddenly at Kurt’s close contact and got black eyeliner all down his face. He hadn’t moved since.
“You look fabulous,” Kurt said with a happy smile as he finished applying the last of the rhinestones and blew on his face to help the glue dry.
“Alright, like 25% ridiculous but 75% fabulous which pretty much sums up Gaga, don’t you think?” Kurt said, tapping him to let him know he could sit up and look in the mirror.
Kurt watched nervously as Blaine leaned in close to the mirror and moved his head side to side, inspecting Kurt’s work. He didn’t have to wait long for a smile to break out on his face though as he was pulled in to pose in front of Blaine’s phone.
“I thought you said no pictures,” Kurt laughed as Blaine put his arm around Kurt’s neck and squeezed close so that their faces were pressed up against each other.
“I said no pictures on Facebook,” he said. “I still want us to have pictures to remember the night by.”
They made their way out of the bakery, grateful that it was close enough to the arena that most of the other patrons barely spared them a second look. Once they got to the arena, Blaine let himself be dragged along as Kurt insisted on checking out all of the different souvenir stands, nodding along in agreement as Kurt complained about the fact that there wasn’t anything nearly fabulous enough for him to buy. He certainly wasn’t going to be wearing a plain concert T-shirt anytime soon.
They found their seats just as the show was about to begin and Kurt would never admit it, but he was forever grateful that Blaine had pulled the strings to get them their own box for the show. He liked the idea of not having to worry about anybody getting drunk and spilling their beer on them. He loved that he’d be able to dance around without hitting anyone else. He especially liked that he wouldn’t have to jump up and down to get a clear view of the stage when the person in front of him inevitably put their girlfriend on their shoulders.
“You’re too good to me,” Kurt said right as the opening melody to her brand new song ‘Edge of Glory’ started to play.
“Never good enough,” Blaine said with a smile, and Kurt thought it was supposed to be reassuring, but all it did was make him feel sad. Lady Gaga came out before Kurt could respond and he was quickly too distracted by the performance to worry about it again.
The two of them danced along together, Kurt singing every word and Blaine joining in on most of the songs. They laughed at the more outrageous sets and outfits as well as drooled over the male dancers that rarely wore any shirts. It was the most fun Kurt could remember having in a long time. It wasn’t often that he got to be himself completely in an environment that didn’t harass him for it. He got close with Dalton. He never got teased or bullied when he was there, but he also didn’t ever get to wear his own outfits or speak his mind all the time. He was protected, but he also felt a bit like a caged bird unable to fly.
After the first act, Gaga came out and sat down to the piano to slow things down. Blaine stepped away to get them both water from one of the waiters that was walking around the hallway outside. Kurt leaned against the railing where they’d moved the windows aside so they could fully enjoy the music, listening to a slowed down version of Poker Face with a small smile on his face.
He’d heard about McKinley doing a Gaga week last year in which Rachel had performed a similar version of this song and it only made him wish the Warblers would listen to his song suggestions. As much as he loved singing in the talented a capella group, he wanted to perform, not sway back and forth. He wanted a chance to show the world his individuality, not blend into the background. Some days, not always because he really didn’t miss getting harassed, he really wished he’d never transferred.
“Here,” Blaine said, breaking him out of his thoughts as he handed him a bottled water.
Kurt was still breathless from all the dancing but was impressed to see that Blaine was breathing fairly evenly. Kurt guessed it was the benefit of running on a treadmill with Finn every day before school. He wondered what else had benefited from the increased workouts. He’d seen the broader shoulders when he’d watched Blaine swim at State. His mind instantly went towards thoughts of increased stamina and all the dirty things Kurt could do with that…
“This song is my favorite,” Blaine said, leaning against the railing next to him, barely a centimeter between their bodies. Kurt could feel the heat and had to close his eyes for a second to calm down. He didn’t need to explain a sudden boner to Blaine. Worse, he didn’t need Blaine trying to be gentlemanly and help him out with his problem.
Except he did. He really, really did. All he wanted as Blaine and it was starting to drive him mad. Would it really be so bad if he let himself go and gave in to his temptation?
They both watched silently as she started to perform ‘Speechless’ to a near silent crowd. He was grateful for the stripped down, gorgeous performance because it allowed him to focus his attention on that instead of the boy standing next to him. He got lost in the music as he stood in awe. Beside him, he could hear Blaine’s breathing hitch suddenly, as it often did when he heard something he connected to. Both of them felt music so deeply that it had the power to affect them physically. It was one of the many things they had in common.
Kurt wasn’t sure at what point it happened, he didn’t even know which of them had done it, but halfway through the song, they were holding hands. If he’d been the one to reach out, it hadn’t been on purpose. It was just so hard to avoid. They were constantly being pulled closer together all night long, like magnets. He couldn’t help but be drawn to Blaine.
As the last verse started, Kurt felt Blaine’s hand grip his own tighter as she started to grittily sing.
After all the boys and the girls that we’ve been through, would you give it all up? Could you give it all up if I promise boy to you?
After that, Blaine started singing along to the rest of the song, sending a chill down Kurt’s spine, more affected by the whole thing than he’d like to admit.
“Will you ever talk again? Oh boy, why you so speechless? You’ve left me speechless,” he sang, leaning in close to whisper the last line into Kurt’s ear. He felt a gentle kiss to his shoulder, just where his shirt collar had started to fall and was left bare.
Kurt turned around to meet Blaine’s eyes, the moment hanging between them was so heavy and strong. He didn’t even know if he could blink, his eyes were glued to Blaine’s, waiting for him to make the next move that they both so clearly wanted. Kurt licked his lips and closed his eyes until all he could feel was Blaine’s breath on his face growing closer as his breathing increased.
The opening of ‘Bad Romance’ started suddenly, so loud compared to the previous ballad and they were shocked enough to jump apart like they’d just been caught doing something so sinful. Blaine’s eyes met his in confusion as Kurt shook his head, unsure what was happening, but knowing that he couldn’t keep denying it. The moment was broken, the air felt lighter again, but there was still something there.
Something that had always been there.
“Later,” Kurt said, unsure what exactly he was promising.
Later as in once he broke up with Evan? That was the only thing he could rightfully promise. He didn’t know if he could wait that long. Not when he’d waited months for a moment like this. Not when he was so suddenly reminded of why they had fallen into each other so quickly after they first found one another. They had something Kurt had never had with Evan—passion.
Blaine, thankfully, didn’t ask. Instead he grabbed onto Kurt’s hands and started dancing around with him, silly as ever. They jumped and sang, making total idiots out of themselves, but they were having fun. The tension from a few moments ago was gone and Kurt was forever grateful that they had the capability of switching back and forth so quickly.
Once the concert ended, Kurt couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. He could still feel the heavy bass of the band in his veins and it gave him an odd sense of power—of freedom. He sang practically the entire walk to the car, leaning heavily on Blaine as they recounted their favorite parts, getting lost in a crowd of other ‘Little Monsters’—each dressed up as outrageous as the next person.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Kurt said once they got to Blaine’s car, realizing that the night was actually about to end and he really didn’t want it to. He put his hands heavily on Blaine’s shoulder, the both of them high off adrenaline.
It had been the best night of his life. His ears were still ringing, so he didn’t quite hear Blaine’s response until he leaned in and said it right into his ear, close enough that Kurt’s hands naturally found their way around Blaine’s waist.
“It was worth it to see you like this,” he said, his breath hot on Kurt’s ear and voice huskier from all the screaming.
“That was just… It was incredible,” Kurt said, laughing. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. “Thank you, again.”
He was breathless. A million thoughts were running through his head, too fast to stop and contemplate any of them. He kept thinking of songs that were sung and lyrics they should talk about. There were outfits to analyze and performances that didn’t match the song that they’d have to figure out. One thought that did keep running through his mind until he was forced to focus on it? Blaine. He was licking his lips and Kurt looked down to realize that he practically had Blaine pinned to the car.
When had that happened?
There was a magic to the air. Something about watching an artist put so much of herself into a performance that was so unique without an ounce of fear of being rejected. She was truly free of all of her fears and it was like, for a few hours, the entire audience was allowed to be as well.
He didn’t think that would be a good enough excuse to justify his next action, but it was the honest truth for why he felt no remorse when he reached out, grabbed the back of Blaine’s neck, and pulled him in for a searing kiss.
He had to strain his neck down to meet Blaine’s lips. He didn’t notice how much taller he’d gotten in the last few months and never imagined how much he’d like how small Blaine now seemed in his arms. Though Blaine was broad and strong as a swimmer had to be, Kurt still had enough inches on him to make him seem tiny—to make Kurt feel protective over him.
Their tongues met, pushing against each other and fighting for dominance, until Kurt gave in and let Blaine take control of the kiss. When Blaine started clawing at the back of his shirt, barely containing the need to throw it off, Kurt had just enough sense to pull away and push Blaine into the back seat. They couldn’t really be doing this with an audience.
Kurt quickly crawled in after Blaine and locked the door behind them. It didn’t take Blaine long to crawl into Kurt’s lap and soon Blaine was straddling him and their mouths were going at it again. He groaned into the kiss, he’d been missing the feeling of warm lips yielding to his own as fingers pulled at his carefully sculpted hair.
He took that back, he’d had Evan’s lips against his for the last few months, and that had been great. He just missed the specific feeling of Blaine’s lips against his. He missed the way his cock got instantly hard when Blaine bit at his lower lip. He loved the way Blaine never treated him delicately, yet somehow remained a complete gentleman. He missed another boy’s kisses making him dizzy. He hadn’t gotten lost in a haze of delicious lust since the last time he’d been with Blaine.
He’d never found that with Evan. From the second he’d kissed Blaine tonight, it was painfully obvious how little his attraction was for Evan. He was nice to look at, sure. However, they’d never found a sexual chemistry together that made Kurt ever want for more. With Blaine, he always wanted more. He could have sex with Blaine everyday for the rest of his life and he’d always want for more.
That didn’t make any of this okay, Kurt had to remind himself as his mind hastily tried to make up excuses for why it was alright that he was cheating on his boyfriend. By God though, did it make it easy to say yes when Blaine whispered how much he needed Kurt with a nibble to his ear.
Kurt had to bite his lip hard to keep from crying out when Blaine’s hand found its way to his cock.
“You don’t have to hide, you know I love it when you scream for me,” Blaine said, that cocky smirk back in full force as he sank to his knees on the floor of the car and began unzipping Kurt’s leather pants.
“I know,” Kurt said, barely able to form words as his vision started to blur from pleasure. “I don’t really want everyone outside to hear me, though.”
“Is that a challenge?” he asked, sinking his mouth around Kurt’s cock before he could answer.
“Fuck,” Kurt cried out, one hand going up to cover his mouth and the other tangled itself into Blaine’s hair.
How either of them had ever thought they could work apart, Kurt had no idea. No other boy would ever be able to make Kurt do things like this. Here he was, in a crowded parking lot where pretty much anybody could walk past and see them, getting a blow job from a boy that was decidedly not his boyfriend. If anybody else had told this story to Kurt, he’d be horrified, but here he was. He was letting this happen and didn’t regret a second of it. Not when Blaine’s tongue was flicking back and forth against the head of his cock, smearing pre-come everywhere.
His heels dug into the seat repeatedly as he tried to hold onto reality and stop himself from fucking into Blaine’s pretty little mouth. It was just so wet and warm, he could barely stop himself. His toes curled as he felt his orgasm start to build. It wouldn’t take long at this point for him to be coming all over Blaine’s gorgeous face.
He immediately pictured it. Blaine smiling, lost in pleasure as Kurt’s come spilled all over him. His tongue would dart out to try and catch it all, but it would fail. He knew it wasn’t something Blaine would be opposed to…
He tugged on Blaine’s hair, making his grip almost painful when Blaine refused to pull off. As amazing as it would be to continue to watch Blaine’s lips stretch over him as he bobbed up and down until Kurt came, he needed to stop. This was their first time together again and Kurt wanted them to come together. He didn’t even know if Blaine was close.
He tugged again, this time uncaring if he hurt Blaine, because Blaine was doing that deadly thing with his nails against the inside of his thigh and Kurt hated being teased. Not when he was trying to control himself. Blaine pulled back finally with a groan and gave him a pout; his lips swollen and covered in spit and come.
“I was busy,” he grumbled.
“I noticed,” Kurt said. “I have a better idea though.”
He twisted them both around—which took a lot more time than he’d like in the small space of the backseat—so that he was lying down on top of Blaine. He covered Blaine’s tiny frame with his own, loving that Blaine was strong enough to take his weight. Then he reached down between them to unzip Blaine’s pants and pulled his hard cock out until it was brushing against his own.
They both cried out at the contact and Blaine wasted no time in bucking his hips up again to find the delicious friction they were both looking for. Kurt pulled his hips back enough so that Blaine’s own couldn’t reach his. Not yet. Not when there was something so important he wanted to say first. He cradled Blaine’s face in between his hands and stared down at him. How had it ever taken them this long to find their way back to each other when it was so obvious they were perfect for one another?
“You’re so gorgeous,” he said, fucking down against Blaine suddenly. All promises to break up with Evan, all speeches about how it had only ever been Blaine were lost. He just couldn’t make his mouth form the words when his dick was brushing against Blaine’s.
Blaine didn’t seem to be complaining as his legs wrapped around Kurt and his heels dug into Kurt’s back as he called out Kurt’s name, followed by breathless cries of love. Kurt could have ignored them. He could have been vindictive in this moment and let Blaine feel the way he’d felt when he’d first said those words to Blaine, but he didn’t. He couldn’t deny this perfect boy anything. Not anymore.
“I love you, too,” he said, biting down on Blaine’s neck to keep from sobbing at how much that was true. “I love you so fucking much.”
It only took a few more thrusts for Blaine to come and Kurt wasn’t far behind him. They were still teenage boys after all; they were far from sex gods even if it did feel like they might be some days. Kurt was too lost in pleasure do much of anything as his orgasm hit, but thankfully Blaine was lucid enough to reach down and jerk them both through their last moments of pleasure until it became too much and he was forced to stop.
Exhausted, Kurt slumped down onto Blaine. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough space for him to roll off completely, so he was still half on top of Blaine. Blaine didn’t seem to be complaining though. He reached his arms around to pull Kurt close and placed a sweet kiss to Kurt’s sweaty forehead.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, torn between wanting to fall into a peaceful, satisfied slumber, and needing to get themselves coherent enough to face reality and head home.
“We should probably get going,” Kurt said, sitting up before Blaine grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.
“Stay,” he whined. “Traffic is going to be horrendous and we aren’t getting out of this parking lot anytime soon. I just got you back; I want to hold you for a little while longer.”
Kurt couldn’t really argue with that. Especially when Blaine looked so adorable with his hair starting to come loose from the gel in some parts so he was left with only sections of his hair in lose curls.
He reached out for the swimming bag Blaine had in the back seat and felt around until he found a towel. He then cleaned them both up and tucked them carefully into their pants, shooting Blaine a sympathetic smile when he hissed from oversensitivity. Once they were somewhat presentable, he lay back down on Blaine. He loved the way that Blaine’s arms so comfortably wrapped around his shoulders and began scratching soothingly at his scalp.
“What happens now?” Blaine whispered, his voice at once in awe of Kurt and terrified. Like maybe he thought this was just a dream. Kurt was thinking the same thing, because it couldn’t have been this easy to fall back into each other. Not when they’d spent so long fighting it. All that time apart, all that time wasted with Evan, it seemed silly now. Pointless.
“I guess have to talk to Evan,” Kurt said.
“You’re going to break up with him?” he asked, needing to hear Kurt say it.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve wanted to ever since we talked on Sunday, I just… I’m going to do it. I’m really going to do it this time. I promise.”
Blaine nodded, but didn’t look that convinced.
“I want to be with you,” Kurt said, caressing his face lovingly, trying to re-memorize every line. “It’s always been you. I just need to tell him that.”
Blaine’s smile couldn’t have been as big as Kurt’s was in that moment. They’d done it. They’d gotten through the storm together and nothing could touch them now. As far as Kurt was concerned, the worst was behind them now.
They spent most of the ride home in wistful silence, lost in their own thoughts and holding hands over the center console as Kurt plugged Blaine’s iPod in and played Ron Pope’s album. As much as ‘Freedom Hangs Like Heaven’ would always be their song, Kurt’s considered this album theirs as well—ever since Blaine had brokenly sung it to him before he broke up with him. Now he thought they had a chance to redeem those beautiful songs. They didn’t have to be about love falling apart anymore. They could be about love finally coming together.
“I notice a chill in the air, September is creeping up fast. Like autumn turns leaves, winter will breathe cold on our necks, snow in our paths. Wherever she goes, all that I know about us is that beautiful things never last, that’s why fireflies flash,” Blaine sang softly, making Kurt wish he could record the sound of his voice and play it back late at night when the dorms were too quiet and he missed the sounds of his dad’s loud snores letting him know he wasn’t alone. There was just something so comforting about the sound of Blaine’s voice. Even if the words weren’t perfectly matched to their situation, the melody was and, by God, did Blaine know how to speak a thousand words through music alone.
When they got back to Dalton, Blaine said goodbye with only a single, loving kiss to his hand and a smile that made Kurt feel like he could do anything. Breaking up with Evan was going to suck, but he was so incredibly ready to be able to call Blaine his own.
He walked up the stairs of the dorms, grateful for the silence. His dad had to call the school to get him special permission to stay out past curfew, which meant it was about two hours after mandatory lights out time and pretty much all of the students were fast asleep. He danced on the wood floors as he made his way to his room, too delighted to try and contain himself. What did it matter? Nobody was awake to see him.
He was surprised when he turned the corner to his hallway and saw Evan standing by his door, crying openly.
“What are you still doing up?” Kurt asked, his voice hoarse from exhaustion and all the singing.
“You promised me there was nothing to worry about,” he said, sounding completely broken.
How on Earth could he know? Kurt thought. He’d fixed his hair in the mirror before he got out of Blaine’s car and he made sure he didn’t look like he’d been having sex. He was worried he might run into one of the hallway advisors and he didn’t want to have to explain what he’d been up to that made him look so disheveled. He knew he looked completely perfect. There was just no way that Evan could have known.
“What are you talking about?” he asked,
Evan held out his phone to show Kurt a text message that made his jaw drop. He could deny anything if it had only been words, but if a picture spoke a thousand words then a video had to be the most damning evidence of all.
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