[FIC] Carry Your Shame 15/25
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Summary: Kurt’s spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He’s never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley’s Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can’t fix—like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”
AN- tags haven’t been working well for me so if you’ve been having trouble tracking this fic, I apologize. This is going to be the last update before New Years because I’ll be in Thailand until the 1st without my computer. Happy Holidays everyone!
After listening to that horrible voicemail from Blaine, Kurt must have typed at least twenty different text messages to respond, before changing his mind and deleting every single one.
What’s his name?
Was he better than me?
I hope he gave you an STD!
I thought you were better than this…
Finn was right, you’re an asshole.
I thought you loved me?
Really? You couldn’t at least wait a week?
No matter what he sent, it wouldn’t change the fact that Blaine had called him up drunkenly spouting off about them getting back together while he’d been with another man the entire night. It didn’t change the fact that Blaine had had plenty of chances to make this right and hadn’t.
He had left the voicemail for him and hadn’t even had the decency to send him a quick text to apologize for making Kurt listen to his new lover laugh at him over the phone. Nothing Kurt said to Blaine would change the fact that Blaine was too cowardly to take what he wanted. He was too cowardly to stand up to the jocks and actually be himself—be happy for once.
Maybe because he doesn’t want you like you thought, Kurt thought to himself, bitterly.
In the end, he did the mature thing; he deleted Blaine’s voicemail so he wouldn’t have to listen to it again. He knew if he saved it, he’d just torture himself with it;so he deleted it without responding. He wasn’t going to feed Blaine’s ego any more with declarations of love and he certainly wasn’t going to let him know how hurt he was. Blaine had a new boy toy to make him feel needed and important and Kurt had more self respect than to let himself become that guy.
Then Kurt sent Lauren a text to give Blaine hell, because even though he was trying to be mature, there was a part of him that wanted to get back at Blaine. He was a junior in high school; he was allowed to make himself feel better by siccing his terrifying best friend on the boy who broke his heart.
It took significantly longer for Kurt to get to Dalton than he’d planned after pulling over to cry for a solid ten minutes. That was all he had allowed himself—ten minutes. He was determined not to let Blaine ruin anything more than that. Today was supposed to signify a new beginning for him: a fresh, clean start. Even if he felt tainted and used now thanks to Blaine, he refused to let it show. If he could compose himself, nobody would ever mistake him for the silly boy that had let some stupid jock take his virginity and destroy his heart.
By the time Kurt pulled into the Dalton parking lot, he’d already wiped away the tears and used cool water from a bottle to reduce the puffiness in his eyes. He’d be talked about enough without showing up looking like he’d been crying; he wasn’t going to give these private school boys anything else to gossip about. For all he knew, everyone would already know that he was only transferring because he’d been bullied at his old school. Why else would he transfer in the middle of the school year?
Kick ass today, Cullen. I’ll be sure to kick Swimmer Boy’s ;)
He smiled at the text message from Lauren, reminding himself that he could be strong. He could do this. If Lauren could survive all the hate that McKinley threw at her and still be the most confident person he knew, he could survive some trust-fund kids that couldn’t touch him without getting expelled. In fact, there wasn’t much that could happen to him here that he hadn’t faced before. He had no reason to be scared of Dalton. This was his sanctuary. The lighthouse in the storm.
“Ah, see, now that’s unfair,” a familiar voice said as Kurt stepped out of his car. He turned around to see Evan stepping out the passenger side of a Mercedes-Benz in all of his perfectly tanned Latin glory. There were a few boys in the car with Evan, but he quickly ushered them all ahead with a promise to meet them later.
“What’s unfair?” Kurt asked as Evan led him through the parking lot.
“That you can look so good in those uniform pants. They do nothing for any of us,” Evan said.
“Well, I did tailor them myself last night,” he said with a faint blush.
“So you’re trying to drive me crazy then, I see how it is,” Evan chuckled, directing Kurt through a crowd of boys playing hacky-sac. He held the door open for him once they reached the main building.
Kurt welcomed the warmth that immediately hit his cold cheeks the second he stepped into the school. There was the normal morning chaos that surrounded any school, but Kurt noted it was different. For starters, everything was a sea of navy and occasional black, making everything blend into one. It was impossible to see who were the jocks, who were the mathletes. Kurt knew that any school had its cliques but, at first glance, it didn’t seem that way here. Everyone looked the same. Second, there seemed to be a lot more laughter as kids high-fived each other as they passed by. There was even a boy with a guitar singing as he walked through the halls, met with only amused eye-rolls from the fellow students. Nobody cared that the random student was singing a Britney Spears song. Nobody was throwing a slushie at him.
Still, there was that tiny part of Kurt that worried he was sticking out like a sore thumb, even though he knew that was impossible. Short of his peacoat—which was black and didn’t scream gay, he’d been careful to ask Finn this morning—he looked exactly the same as everyone else. There was no way they could know anything about him just by looking. He was safe here.
Evan led him through the hallways that all looked the same to him. He knew he’d figure his own way out eventually, but for now he was thankful for somebody else taking the lead for him. With every hall sporting similar looking murals and fancy chandeliers, everything blended together for him. Everyone blended together.
If everything in this school was so similar, how did anyone ever get noticed? Kurt had to remind himself that this was a good thing. It might be boring, but at least it was safe.
“Hey Kurt,” Nick greeted him with a big smile once they turned the corner to a small hallway with lockers for the day-students. Kurt thought it was strange that everyone seemed to wear the same Stepford smile. It was like they went to school in a magic land where teenage angst didn’t exist.
“Hi,” he said, feeling awkward even though he already met Nick yesterday and liked him. First days were always hard for Kurt. Each year he’d always prayed it would be the year he finally found a friend. Each year he’d smile at new classmates and get hopeful anytime somebody looked his way. Then slowly but surely, everyone would figure out that he was gay and start treating him like a social leper. He’d been going through this ever since he was in kindergarten.
While he knew Nick wasn’t going to hold being gay against him, considering he’d met his boyfriend, Jeff, the day before, he still didn’t know how long this friendship would last. How long would it take for the Warblers, the self proclaimed Dalton “rockstars”, to realize he wasn’t anything special? They’d figure it out just like Blaine had.
“Jeff was supposed to walk you to first period because you share French class, but he had to go to a tutoring session this morning for AP History,” Nick explained. “Apparently my tutoring sessions with him weren’t successful.”
Kurt nodded awkwardly, feeling like some obligation to Nick. Jeff already had ditched him because he had better things to do and now Nick was stuck escorting him around school for extra credit and a boost to his college applications. It had started already; they were realizing how much of a freak he was.
“Probably because you spend all your tutoring sessions attached to his lips,” Evan teased before turning to Kurt. “I’ve got to head out. Senior classes are on the other side of the building. I know you’re nervous, but don’t be. Dalton is a great school and everyone is going to love you. I’ll save you a seat at lunch, alright babe?”
Kurt was nervous enough that he completely brushed over Evan’s casual use of the word babe and instead just forced himself to nod as he tried to remember how to breathe.
“Babe?” Nick asked, poking him playfully in the shoulder once Evan was out of earshot. Kurt tried not to flinch at the touch. He knew Nick didn’t mean any harm by it—it was just a friendly gesture. Still, he wasn’t used to people touching him in a strictly friendly sense. Most people thought they’d get the plague if they touched him. Lauren wasn’t an especially affectionate person and Blaine had turned out to be…
Well, it didn’t matter what had happened with Blaine. That was behind him now that he had seen Blaine’s true colors. He didn’t have to think about that now. Instead he could think about cute Latin seniors that smiled at him and weren’t afraid to be seen walking around school at his side or serenading him in front of the entire student population.
“This is your locker,” Nick said when it was obvious Kurt wasn’t going to talk to him about Evan. “I printed off another copy of your schedule in case you forgot yours as well as a school map, though you’ll have Jeff or I escorting you to all your classes today.”
“You don’t have to, I’m sure you have better things to do,” Kurt explained, taking off his coat and scarf and hanging them up into his full size locker. It was nice to actually have the room to hang his coat up without it wrinkling, unlike the half lockers he’d had at McKinley.
“It’s our pleasure,” Nick said, patting Kurt on the back gently reassuring him that he didn’t mind. Kurt would have to grow used to these affectionate touches, it would appear. Not that he minded them, it was just a foreign concept that people would want to touch him. “We’re part of the welcoming committee for new students; we enjoy showing people around the school we love.”
“Dalton certainly has a lot of school spirit,” Kurt said somewhat sarcastically, unsure if it was something he wanted to make fun of or respect. He’d never seen much need to cheer on his school but, then again, he’d never gone to a school that wanted him there before.
“You’re not the only kid who’s come here looking for a new home,” Nick whispered so nobody else could overhear them. Kurt gave him a curious look and Nick had the decency to look guilty. “Headmaster Charlston told us why you got admitted so late in the school year. Dalton only admits students in the middle of the year under extenuating circumstances.”
“Well that’s embarrassing,” Kurt said, staring down at his new textbooks, refusing to meet Nick’s eyes.
“No, God don’t be embarrassed,” he said, quickly. “I transferred here during the middle of freshman year. Jeff came two months before school ended last year. I’m just… I guess I just wanted you to know that we know what it’s like. If you ever need to talk, you can come to us. We’re more than happy to help. Dalton’s done a lot for us and we want to give back.”
“You make it sound like some charity case or strange cult,” Kurt said.
“You’ll have to take a blood oath at the end of the week to swear your allegiance,” Nick teased.
“Do we pray to the Gods of polo shirts and hair gel?”
Nick laughed. “You’re funny. The teachers are going to hate you for that, they’re pretty old school, but you’ll fit in just fine with the other boys here.”
“I hope so,” he admitted, shouldering his empty backpack. He’d yet to get any of his textbooks for class yet and dreaded seeing what he’d be learning now that he was at a more prestigious school.
“Well you’ve already got Senor Gonzalez on Team Kurt,” Nick said with a knowing look.
Kurt wasn’t sure what he was talking about. He didn’t know any Senor Gonzalez and he wasn’t taking Spanish Class.
“Evan?” Nick clarified. “I know he comes on a little strong sometimes, but he’s a really good guy. One of the nicest. You should give him a chance.”
Kurt simply nodded, unsure how much he was willing to talk about this when his own feelings on the matter we still so conflicted. Evan did seem like a nice guy and Kurt didn’t know him well but he enjoyed what he’d learned so far. Logically, he knew that he needed to forget about Blaine, he just wasn’t sure if he could do it so fast.
Why not? Kurt asked himself. Blaine moved on pretty fast.
Nick led Kurt to his first class of the day and as soon as the bell rang, Kurt barely had time to think about boys anymore. He was painfully behind in all of his classes and the makeup work that his teachers had given him would take forever to complete. While he was confident he could catch up and handle the more rigorous course load, he’d never had to try so hard in school before.
Apart from the strict teachers and difficult classwork, Kurt’s first day was going as well as could possibly go. While Nick hadn’t been lying about his teachers not being impressed with his sarcasm and wit, they were helpful and understanding. His classmates were welcoming and eager to share their books until he could get his own. People were constantly introducing themselves to him. He’d never had so many people talk to him before without a snide remark or an accidental trip. While a lot of them wanted to know all about him, nobody pushed him to talk about his sudden transfer.
Jeff told him that there were student policies in place now ever since a student last year had a panic attack in the middle of the lunch room on his first day. Students weren’t allowed to pressure students to answer questions if they said no. They weren’t allowed to fish for information. How the school possibly enforced it, Kurt didn’t know, but then again the teachers here were incredibly strict. It had surprised Kurt to hear that the school would so easily change its policies after an incident with a single student, but it gave him hope. If Dalton could change its policies, maybe McKinley eventually would, too.
As it was, Kurt only had one more class to go and it was looking like this would be the first time he’d ever survived an entire school day without somebody being mean to him. Kurt was walking to gym with Jeff and his friend Wes when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see a text from Blaine.
Why did Lauren Zizes tell me you’re going to private school now?
“Don’t let any teachers catch you with that,” Wes told him. “I got caught with my phone my sophomore year and they made my parents come to the school for a conference before they would give it back.”
“Mr. Bryce had mine for three weeks before he would give it back and I had to write a three page paper on why I would never use my cell phone at school again,” Jeff said with a roll of his eyes. “They’re pretty strict.”
“So none of you text during class?” Kurt asked. It wasn’t that he had ever texted during school hours before McKinley—he’d never had anyone worth texting before. He couldn’t deny that his classmates did all the time though; he had a hard time believing the boys at Dalton didn’t do the same.
“It’s not worth the punishment,” Wes explained as Kurt pocketed his phone, ignoring Blaine’s text. He couldn’t afford to get in trouble on his first day of school and Blaine didn’t deserve an immediate response anyway.
When he got to the locker room and was changing his clothes, he snuck a peak at his phone again, noticing two more texts from Blaine.
Talk to me.
Kurt quickly deleted the texts and tried to force them out of his mind. He wasn’t sure how to explain his transfer to a boy that couldn’t even be considerate enough to wait until he wasn’t on a date with another man to send him a voicemail confessing his feelings.
Ignoring Blaine’s texts didn’t matter though, because Blaine just kept sending them. When Kurt got out of gym, there were two more texts. Seeing as the school day was officially over the second the bell had rung, he felt safe pulling his phone out of his blazer pocket to read the messages.
Ok, this is ridiculous. I know things are weird between us, but we’re still friends?
Please answer me, I’m worried about you.
Kurt bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he didn’t owe Blaine anything, but he still felt guilty for just up and leaving McKinley without at least warning Blaine first. Besides, Blaine was right, they were friends. At least, they had been before they’d started fooling around and complicated things. Just because Blaine didn’t think Kurt was worth standing up to the popular kids for, didn’t mean he had to throw their friendship completely away. Right?
I’m going to Dalton now… I don’t want to talk about it.
There, Kurt thought. He’d responded. He wasn’t ignoring Blaine completely, yet he wasn’t breaking down all of his carefully built, fragile walls—the ones he’d only started building this morning—the second Blaine came calling. It was something- that was all Blaine could ask for. Right?
Is this because of me?
Kurt almost threw the phone at the wall when he read the incoming message. How could Blaine really be so self-centered to think that Kurt had transferred schools just to get away from him? As if his father would let him transfer schools over a boy. Did Blaine really think that he was so special that the second poor, naive Kurt got his heart broken he went running for the hills? Did Blaine really see nothing outside of himself?
Kurt forgot all about being mature and started texting a mile a minute, quickly sending off four texts in a row without thinking about how rude they might be. It didn’t matter; he couldn’t afford to regret them. Blaine certainly wasn’t being careful with Kurt’s feelings.
Yes. The entire reason I changed schools was to get away from you.
You won’t even talk to me at school, why would I need to transfer schools to get away from you?
Do you know how incredibly self-centered you are?
Kurt expected an immediate response, but none came. He waited five whole minutes, staring at his phone, expecting the familiar two tone beep, but there was nothing. Deciding that Blaine must either be ignoring him now or gone to the pool early for practice, he quickly changed into his clothes and made his way out of the locker room. He still had to get to his locker for his things and drive all the way home before starting his mountain of homework. He didn’t need to sit around and wait for a response from a silly boy.
Kurt’s fists were still shaking with rage as he opened his locker and threw on his coat, angrily buttoning it up and throwing his scarf on, not taking nearly the amount of care to ensure it lay just right as he normally would. He was still thinking over Blaine’s texts; letting it all sink in and growing more and more frustrated with him by the minute. What did he expect from Kurt? All Kurt had ever done was be a good friend to him. He’d been understanding about Blaine’s fear and had never pushed him too hard about them. Why did Blaine have to act like this?
As he stormed out of the building, he was surprised to see Evan waiting by his car for him. There was a split second where Kurt honestly considered brushing him off, telling him that he had too much going on to deal with something new right now. Then he thought better of it. He was angry at Blaine for hurting him. He was furious that Blaine could so easily go out into the world and take home any man he chose, even a straight one. It wasn’t fair that Kurt didn’t have other men looking at him like that, with desire. So here was Evan, a sweet, incredibly attractive boy who seemed to genuinely like him.
For one nasty second, Kurt thought that he’d found the perfect revenge. He’d found a way to get back at Blaine for running off with another man. He knew it wouldn’t take much to convince Evan to come home with him. Hell, they wouldn’t even have to drive all the way home. He could take Evan to an abandoned parking lot like Blaine had done with him. He could send a sexy picture of the two of them together to Blaine and pretend he’d sent it to the wrong person. Kurt could make Blaine feel as bad as he did.
While the thought of Blaine upset and possibly crying over him was a rewarding one, he knew that he couldn’t do that to Evan. For starters, he knew what it felt like to be used and thought that Evan deserved more than that. More importantly, Kurt knew that having sex with Evan in some quest for vengeance wouldn’t make him feel better in the end. He already felt dirty for sleeping with Blaine, he didn’t need to feel like a whore.
No, Evan was sweet. Kurt needed sweet in his life. So when Evan asked him to dinner on Friday night, Kurt swallowed his rage over Blaine and accepted with a kind smile. Today was supposed to be about new beginnings and this could be his chance. Evan kissed him on the hand and opened the car door from him, not stepping away until Kurt had turned on his car and pulled out of his parking spot, ever the gentleman.
It wasn’t until Kurt had gotten home—and McKinley swim practice was finished—that Blaine texted Kurt back. Kurt would like to think that he had almost forgotten about it by the time the message had come, but he knew that was a lie. He’d been obsessing over the deleted voicemail and text messages all day long. Just because he’d gotten rid of them didn’t mean his mind wasn’t replaying them again and again. As much as he would like to pretend he wasn’t bothered by all of this, not even the promise of a date on Friday could erase this pain.
He hadn’t been enough for Blaine. He wasn’t good enough.
You think you’re the only person that’s allowed to be upset over this? Your brother just threw me into a dumpster because of you.
Maybe you deserved it.
Kurt fingers were flying over the keyboard and sent the message before his brain could even process how vindictive it had sounded. He’d never pictured himself being so angry at Blaine that he wouldn’t even feel sorry for him, but apparently they’d reached that limit.
Did you of all people seriously just condone bullying?
Maybe I was right to end things with you, I don’t need this.
Kurt read and re-read the message several times, each time it stung more than the last. Sure, he could admit that his own words were too harsh, but he was just angry and hurt. Did Blaine really believe that he was better off without Kurt?
Nobody’s asking you to keep talking to me.
He wasn’t sure why he assumed Blaine would apologize after he saw the message, but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything, in fact. After the first night of no response, Kurt decided that he wouldn’t say anything until Blaine responded. If Blaine thought Kurt would crack first, he was wrong. After the first week went by, Kurt starting wondering if Blaine would ever talk to him again. There had been several times when Kurt had picked up his phone to call him and work things out, but he’d stopped himself each time before pushing the call button. If Blaine didn’t want to be his friend, then he wasn’t going to embarrass himself any further.
To distract himself from calling Blaine, he went on the date with Evan, who turned out to be just as amazing as he seemed. He’d taken him to dinner at a nice Spanish-influenced place near Dalton that his grandparents owned. The following Friday was spent walking hand in hand around the quaint downtown area of Westerville. They sat for several hours inside of a bakery that had the most amazing cookies and hot chocolate, talking about anything and everything. When Evan walked him to his car at the end of the night and kissed him, Kurt realized it had been two weeks since Blaine had contacted him and he was starting to realize maybe he was better off. Or at least, he was realizing that he could eventually, maybe, believe he was better off.
This was what romance and love was supposed to be. It wasn’t supposed to be filled with so much questioning, insecurity and pain. Evan made him feel wanted. He never had to question Evan’s feelings for him. He walked Kurt to his locker every morning and saved him a seat every day at lunch. There were always sweet notes left for him in his locker during passing periods. It was the kind of relationship that was always written about in books.
On their one month anniversary, Evan came over to Kurt’s house and taught him how to make empanadas. The night ended in Kurt’s room with Kurt’s homemade tiramisu and Evan’s favorite movie—Casablanca. It was one of the most romantic things that had ever happened to him and this was what every date with Evan felt like. He always put so much effort into making things special for Kurt.
Once the movie was over, Kurt turned to find Evan staring at him with a sweet smile.
“Did you like it?” he asked. Kurt simply nodded, unable to think straight when Evan’s face was so close to his own.
Kurt grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him closer, meeting his lips in a hungry kiss. Both of them moaned into the kiss as Kurt fell back onto the bed and let Evan lay over him. They had only done this one or two other times before. Evan shared a bedroom with his brother who was always around and Kurt’s dad usually found a reason to be home whenever Kurt was going to have Evan over. This was still new to them, the feeling of Evan laying over him with their hips moving together in a way that made both of them instantly hard.
“Mi Corazon,” Evan said in the thick Latin accent that only really came out when he was too turned on to worry about what he was saying. Evan had told him that his family had moved here from Spain when he was six and he’d spent several years learning to speak without an accent because the kids at school always teased him for it.
Kurt groaned and sat up so that Evan could straddle his lap as Kurt kissed down his neck. Things were getting heated between them and they were already farther than they’d ever been before. The only other times they’d made out this heavily before, they’d stopped as soon as they felt each other hard in their pants. Tonight was different.
Kurt didn’t know what kind of expectations Evan had going into tonight. They’d shared a candle-lit dinner in his empty house and spent the last two hours cuddled under the covers of his bed. He was sure that Evan expected them to have sex to celebrate their anniversary, but he just couldn’t. Every time he thought of giving himself to Evan, no matter how good he knew it would feel, he remembered the empty feeling that had followed his first time. He remembered being used and left, only wanted for the sexual pleasure he could provide and it made him sick.
“Wait,” Kurt said, pushing Evan off as he went for Kurt’s belt. “I just don’t think I’m ready,” Kurt confessed, looking away.
He wasn’t ready to change their relationship so drastically yet. What he and Evan shared, the brush of fingertips in the hallways at school, sharing fork-fulls of dessert with each other, that was the romance Kurt had always wanted. He didn’t want to ruin what they had been building with sex, it didn’t seem right.
“It’s okay, Baby. You don’t have to be afraid to talk to me about this. I’m not going to get mad at you for telling me no,” Evan said, running his fingers lightly over Kurt’s face.
“Thank you,” Kurt whispered, feeling his face heat up with shame. He wanted Evan as much as Evan wanted him. His body was practically begging for release, but he’d have to deal with that on his own later. He wasn’t ready. “I just don’t want to move too fast, I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
“And while I’m appalled that nobody has shown you how sexy and attractive you are until now, I’m grateful that means you are all mine and nobody else’s,” Evan said giving him a sweet kiss. Kurt had never told him about Blaine, he knew that Evan thought he was a virgin. He wondered if he’d ever tell him the truth. He wondered if it really mattered.
“I should go while I’m still capable of being a gentleman,” Evan said, pulling away from Kurt’s arms. “I’ll see you for Valentine’s Day?”
“You still won’t tell me what we’re doing,” Kurt whined.
“It’s a surprise,” he said, standing up and straightening his sweater back into place from where it had rode up to reveal a strip of tanned stomach that Kurt wished he could lick. More than anything, he wanted to sleep with Evan, he just didn’t know how to do that and not ruin things between them. Sex had already ruined things with Blaine, he didn’t want to make that mistake again.
Evan walked over to Kurt’s laptop and fiddled with a few things, turning off the movie. Then he grabbed a flash drive off the desk. Evan had lent it to him in his desire to make Kurt like Eminem, but it hadn’t worked. No matter how much Kurt liked Rihanna, he didn’t even like ‘Love the Way You Lie’ and he hadn’t enjoyed a single song off of the rapper’s new album. Of course, he hadn’t told Evan that. He’d nodded along and pretended to enjoy it because that’s what good boyfriends did, right?
Neither of them noticed when Evan accidentally took the wrong flash drive.
After that night, after Evan had been such a gentleman about waiting, Kurt finally went through his phone and pulled up his contacts list. He pulled up a number he hadn’t dialed in a month. He stared at Blaine’s number for over an hour debating his next move. He knew what he had to do. He knew that it was time he stopped writing texts out that would only get deleted and left unsent. He knew that it was time he stopped almost calling Blaine in the middle of the night, wondering why he hadn’t been enough.
Evan was perfect and everything Kurt had ever dreamed of. Kurt knew that one of these days he wasn’t going to be strong enough to stop himself from dialing Blaine’s number. He knew that one of these days he would break down because he still missed his best friend. He missed having somebody to share coffee with—Evan claimed caffeine was bad for the body. He missed listening to indie music and tearing apart lyrics with somebody that appreciated music in the same way that he did. He missed having somebody to talk about his bullying with that had been there.
One of these days, Kurt was going to call Blaine and that would break Evan’s heart. If he wanted this, if he wanted to be Evan’s everything, he needed to delete Blaine’s number and move on with his life.
So he did.
He deleted the number and de-friended Blaine on Facebook. He blocked Blaine on Skype and did everything he could think of to ensure that they wouldn’t have to see or hear from each other again. He cried for several hours afterwards, but he knew it was for the best. His relationship was always too one-sided to be healthy.
Slowly, Kurt learned to text Evan each time he went to pick up the phone to send something to Blaine. When the newest Vogue came out, he told Evan. When he heard a Ron Pope song featured on The Vampire Diaries, he told Evan. Evan never quite cared about any of these things in the way he knew Blaine would , but Evan did enjoy talking to him. He enjoyed flirting with Kurt. He was never shy about kissing him in public. Even if they didn’t have as much in common as Kurt had with Blaine, they didn’t have to. Relationships weren’t about having a lot in common, they were about feeling loved and wanted.
Evan did more to make him feel loved in a single date than Blaine had managed to do in the entire time they knew each other. So Kurt got used to the pet names and stopped cringing every time Evan used one. He learned to love the seafood restaurant that Evan always took him to because the shrimp diavolo wasn’t that bad and Evan practically orgasmed over their sushi.
Kurt was happy. He loved Dalton. He had friends at school that liked him for him. He had a loving boyfriend that showered him with attention and serenaded him during Warbler rehearsals until somebody inevitably made him stop so they could practice for real. He still saw Lauren on the weekends when they met up every Saturday morning for breakfast at IHOP because they had all-you-can-eat pancake specials. McKinley didn’t look like they were going to budge regardless of Burt’s lawyers promising a law-suit, yet Kurt wasn’t that upset. He didn’t want to go back to McKinley. He was the happiest he could ever remember being.
Which is why he was in a forgiving mood the day Blaine showed up at Dalton along with a group of his friends and a guitar.
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