[FIC] Carry Your Shame 14/25

Rating: NC-17

Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3

Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :) 

Summary: Kurt’s spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He’s never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley’s Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can’t fix—like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into? 

This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3

Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//(Blaine interlude)//Part 4//Part 5//Part 6//Part 7//Part 8//Part 9//(Blaine Interlude 2)//Chapter 10//Chapter 11//Part 12//Part 13//(Blaine Interlude 3)//

Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)

*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”


“Dad, I promise you that this isn’t necessary,” Kurt said nervously as he stood by the door about to go to school. 

His dad had been relatively quiet on the matter the night before when he’d had to come and pick Kurt up after his emotional breakdown on the side of the road. He’d only really asked Kurt if they’d used protection and if everything had been consensual, then he’d let Kurt go to bed early without another word. Kurt had been impressed at the time. He saw now that his dad had only been saving it up for when Kurt wasn’t crying quite as much. 

“And I can promise you that it is,” Burt said as he yelled up the stairs for Finn to hurry up while simultaneously tying his boots. Burt was planning on going to school with the boys so that he could take Kurt to the principal’s office to demand that something be done about the bullying. 

“It’s really, really not,” he pleaded. “In fact, it’ll just make things worse. Please just stay out of it.”

“Kurt, you told me yourself that you’ve been getting bullied at school and yesterday you said that you almost got beat up at that New Year’s Eve party. This is completely necessary,” Burt said, yelling for Finn again, impatiently. 


“Look at me, Kiddo,” Burt said, putting his hand on Kurt’s shoulder just as Finn came tumbling down the stairs with his shoes only half on his feet. “You have just as much right to that school as any other kid. I really don’t like the fact that these boys are making threats to you and that the only reason you didn’t get beat up was because Blaine beat somebody up first. The administration should be protecting you. Somebody besides Blaine should be protecting you.” He gave a pointed look at Finn who hung his head in shame and mumbled an apology. 

“It’s just so embarrassing,” Kurt groaned as they made their way out to his dad’s truck. 

Apparently his dad driving them to school would somehow make Kurt safer? Kurt wasn’t sold on the logic of that. He thought this was his dad’s way of punishing him for having sex. He’d take away his car and suddenly Kurt wouldn’t be able to go anywhere but home and school. Like that was going to be the reason Kurt wasn’t having sex anymore. It had nothing to do with how Blaine had dumped him. 

“I’m in high school,” he continued. “I don’t exactly need my dad to come storming in every time I have a problem.” 

“When was the last time you ever let me solve one of your problems before?” Burt said with a snort. “And what’s embarrassing is that school’s lack of anti-bullying policies. A father that cares enough to fight for your safety isn’t embarrassing.”

“I do love you,” Kurt clarified as he played with the radio in his dad’s car. There was only so much John Mellencamp he could listen to in his current mood. 

He shared a smile with his dad  before Kurt added, “Even if I still don’t want you to do this.” 

“It’ll be alright,” Burt reassured him. “I’m not gonna let anything else happen to you. I just wish you had told me about this sooner. I wish I had known when it got bad at your old school.” 

He just shrugged. He’d never really felt comfortable talking to his dad about the bullying. When he was young, his mother was the one to pick him up whenever somebody would call him a mean name in preschool for wanting to dress up the Ken dolls instead of playing Cops and Robbers with the other boys. Once his mom died, he never wanted to stress his dad out when his dad was clearly having a hard time keeping them afloat under all his mom’s medical expenses. Eventually, he realized he was gay and that if he told his father how the other kids teased him and pushed him around, his father would figure out he was gay. 

Even after he’d come out and realized his dad wasn’t going to stop loving him for it, he never quite learned to go to his dad with his problems. He was an independent kid. He’d made it so far on his own, he didn’t need to start coming to his dad now. Of course, he couldn’t say any of that to his father without him feeling guilty for not being there before. They drove the rest of the way in silence. 

Kurt was surprised that Finn wasn’t complaining about Kurt’s choice of music like he usually did, but then again he could barely meet anyone’s eyes. If Kurt had to wager a guess, he was pretty sure Finn had gotten an earful about Kurt’s bullying the night before when Kurt had been sleeping and none the wiser. Obviously, it was Finn’s job to keep him safe. Kurt couldn’t have done that on his own. It wasn’t as if Finn’s friends had done this to him. 

Not that Kurt was bitter or anything. 

He wanted to believe that his dad could fix this for him. He spent the car ride thinking of how his father would storm into Figgins’ office and the principal would immediately apologize and implement an anti-bullying policy. He’d have a bodyguard patrolling the halls during passing periods. They’d force the school to start a Gay-Straight Alliance and make the bullies go to meetings and the school would become better for it. It’d be embarrassing, but all the hate would stop. It’d be worth it. 

That fantasy was killed almost as soon as they sat down in the principal’s office. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Hummel, but given the fact that this alleged attack happened off school property, there’s nothing the school can do,” Figgins explained.  

“And what about the police? What will the news stations say when they find out this school is fostering violent behavior that would be considered a hate crime in better states?” Burt asked, refusing to back down. Kurt was happy to have him on his side. 

He was also happy he’d never done anything bad enough to warrant that tone in his dad’s voice being directed at him. It was terrifying. More terrifying than the time that he’d misread the price on a jacket he’d wanted and put $1,000 on his dad’s credit card instead of the $100 they’d agreed on. 

“I sympathize with you, I do,” Figgins said. “But I have to tell you, without substantial evidence the police won’t do anything about it and if you go to the news stations those boys’s families will likely come after you for slander. We don’t live in a better state. This is just the way these things go. I wish I could help you, but my hands are tied.” 

“And what about all the things that have happened on school property?” Burt asked. “My kid’s had to buy a new wardrobe because half his shirts are stained with the slushies kids throw like it’s confetti at the Superbowl.” 

“These are kids, Mr. Hummel,” Figgins explained. “Practical jokes are bound to happen. I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm and slushies aren’t listed as contraband goods in the student code of conduct. I can’t confiscate every student with a beverage.” 

“You think they slushied me in good fun?” Kurt spoke up, suddenly outraged. “You think this is some joke that I’ve taken too seriously? They’ve pushed me into lockers. They’ve broken my personal belongings on purpose.” 

“People throw slushies every day. I rarely get students in here complaining of harassment,” Mr. Figgins explained. “As for the other things, I can’t prove those boys are the ones that did that.”

“And that’s your defense? It happens all the time so it must be okay?” Kurt said. He was frustrated. What kind of a school didn’t see a need to protect its students? “You don’t know who did it so an anti-bullying policy preventing it from happening at all would be useless?” 

“You know what else used to happen all the time? Slavery,” Burt interjected before Figgins could have a chance to respond. “So that must be okay too right? Segregation? You think that because it happens all the time it doesn’t affect my son’s personal rights? Sure he’s as queer as a three dollar bill but that doesn’t mean he gets to be harassed for it. He could hide it, sure. But that’s not the point, he shouldn’t have to. He should be allowed to be whoever the hell he wants to be without having to worrying that some kid is going to break his arm for it.” 

Kurt had never seen his father this worked up before and that was saying something because this was the man who threw a remote at the TV during Monday Night Football. It made him feel special. Sure they hadn’t always understood each other, but his father had his back no matter what. He never once questioned if what Kurt had told him was true. He just went marching into the principal’s office looking for blood. As embarrassing as his dad driving him to school was, Kurt knew he was insanely lucky to have somebody like his dad to look out for him. It made him wonder what Blaine’s parents had done when similar things had happened to him at his old school. 

Then again, Kurt knew that answer. Blaine had pretty much told him his father hadn’t cared. He’d told Blaine to go back to the school that hospitalized him and face his fears like a man. 

“Mr. Hummel, as I said before, I’m sorry that your son is having trouble adjusting to McKinley, but I can’t do anything to help you,” Figgins said. “If he’s having trouble making friends, maybe he could join some clubs. Our Glee club here has a reputation for taking the high school rejects and giving them a home.” 

Kurt’s jaw dropped at the offensive comment; stung that even the principal thought they were all losers, but his dad just grew more angry. 

“If you won’t do anything, that’s fine. There’s a private school in Westerville that has a zero-tolerance policy on bullying where my son will be safe,” Burt said in a dangerously calm voice. 

“Well, we’ll be sorry to see such a bright student go, but if you feel it’s for the best…” Figgins’ trailed off as if he’d be happy to see this problem go away simply by Kurt transferring schools. Kurt was going to interject that it was his job as an educator of a public school to fight for all of his students regardless of their race or sexuality, but his dad spoke up before he had a chance. 

“Oh no, you don’t understand,” Burt said with a smirk. “The law requires my son be provided with a free and appropriate education. So he’ll go to Dalton, sure, but I’ll be suing the school for damages. He can’t go to school here and private school tuition won’t be cheap That mixed with the expensive wardrobe that’s been destroyed, broken headphones, scratched car doors, the list of expenses goes on…It’s not going to look good for a school that’s in debt and relies pretty heavily on donations from the community to keep it afloat.” 

“What are you suggesting, Mr. Hummel?” Figgins asked. 

“I’m not suggesting anything, just warning you,” Burt said. “Come on Kurt, we’re leaving.  Go pack up your locker, we’ve got an appointment at Dalton in two hours.” 

“You already made an appointment?” Kurt asked, surprised. They hadn’t even talked about this yet. Kurt didn’t know if he even wanted to go to a new school. He had friends here.

Okay, so Blaine wasn’t really his friend anymore, but he had Lauren. He had the potential to build friendships with the New Directions. He couldn’t just leave that, could he? He’d barely gone to this school two months. 

“I figured your school would be less than willing to act, that’s why I’ve already called a lawyer who’s happy to bring this case to trial,” Burt explained. “He said given the circumstances and the fact that an online blog has video of the school’s star swimmer being almost blinded by a slushie last year, he has more than enough evidence to win this case. He’s positive if he starts asking around he’ll get more students to come forward, too.”

“Mr. Hummel, we can talk about this some more,” Figgins said, growing scared. It was that fear that let Kurt know that his dad was right. They could win this, if they couldn’t Figgins wouldn’t look so terrified.

Wouldn’t transferring to Dalton to make sure that McKinley finally made some changes to protect its students be a good thing? He’d be able to help kids like Lauren who had to learn to wrestle to protect herself. He’d be able to protect all the ‘rejects’ like the New Directions. Maybe if they could get the school to change, if they could prove this point,  Blaine wouldn’t have to be so scared all the time. 

No, not thinking of Blaine. Blaine didn’t deserve to be thought of after what had happened, Kurt reminded himself.  

“We can,” Burt said condescendingly.  “But today I’ve got an appointment and I’m sure you’ve got a school board to talk to. If you’re going to change school policy to allow my kid to be safe here, I’m sure you’ll need their full support.” 

They left Figgins behind looking like he’d just been slapped. 

“That was surprisingly awesome,” Kurt said with a smile, standing outside of the office, watching as kids ran to make it in time for the first period bell. He’d never had anybody stand up for him before like that. It made his heart warm to know that he wasn’t alone. Even if he was pushed around and picked on for the rest of his life, he had somebody willing to fight for him. 

“I told you before, nobody pushes the Hummel’s around,” Burt said. “Now go pack up your locker.” 

“Are you really sending me to private school?” Kurt asked, looking around at the hallways that had become his home in the past few months. Sure, they weren’t all the best memories, but there were some good ones. He’d met Lauren here. He’d fallen in love here.

Then again, Jackson had promised to make his life a living hell. Even if Blaine had broken up with him, that didn’t guarantee that he was safe. It didn’t mean kids like Jackson wouldn’t continue to pick on other students and make their lives hell. 

“You’re not coming back to McKinley, at least for now, and that part’s not up for discussion,” Burt said. “You need to be safe and you can’t be safe here. I’m sure the school will change their policy; they can’t afford a lawsuit like this in today’s economy. Until then, you need an education and I refuse to let you go here.” 

“How can we afford private school?” he asked, thinking back to the expensive wedding his dad had just had earlier this year and the new house they’d bought. They’d never been rich to begin with, but now, even with two incomes, he knew things had to be especially tight. 

“I’ve got enough saved up to cover tuition the rest of the year,” Burt explained. “Carole’s happy to use our money for this. If you have to go there permanently, our lawyer will make sure the school district pays for your education. The state is required to offer an education to all minors and your safety is a basic human right.” 

“So I’m changing schools again,” Kurt said, feeling more and more okay with the situation. Dalton was a school with an anti-bullying policy. He could walk down the halls without getting thrown around and bruised. It didn’t even sound real, was such a place even possible? 

“Let’s at least check it out,” Burt said, pushing him towards his locker. “If you hate it, we can talk about homeschooling, but I have a feeling you’ll like this place.” 

“What makes you say that?” Kurt asked, walking towards his locker and opening it. His dad pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket large enough to fit all of his stuff. He really had been planning this from the beginning. How many phone calls had his dad made once he’d fallen asleep last night? 

“According to Carole, all the boys in uniform look very dreamy,” Burt said, batting his eyelashes over dramatically.  

“Please don’t ever do or say that again,” Kurt pleaded, covering his face with his hands, mortified. 


Dalton, it turned out, was more perfect than Kurt could ever have dreamed of. While his dad was filling out paperwork with the secretary and arranging a class schedule that would match the one he’d had at McKinley, Kurt had been given a tour by two boys who were so obnoxiously in love with each other it would be sickening, if it wasn’t so fantastic. Seeing two openly gay boys holding hands while they walked down the hall pointing out various classrooms gave Kurt hope that there might be a place in the world he was meant to belong. He didn’t have to wait for New York to be accepted. He could have a home here. 

Unfortunately, seeing the two boys together also reminded him that the person he wanted to be walking hand-in-hand with had dumped him. Coming to Dalton felt a little bit like running away from Blaine. It felt like he was abandoning him a little bit. He knew that wasn’t fair. Blaine didn’t deserve his consideration. He didn’t even want to be with Kurt in public, certainly not at school, so why did it matter if they went to the same school or not? 

It didn’t. 

“Do you sing?” Nick, the brunette part of the pair, asked him with an excited look on his face. 

“Um… yes?” Kurt asked, wondering where this was going. 

“Nick and I are part of the Warblers,” Jeff said happily like that was supposed to mean something to him. When he didn’t respond, Jeff continued, “It’s an acapella group we have at school. It’s pretty much the most popular club on campus.” 

“I think I saw you guys perform at show choir sectionals,” Kurt said, thinking back to the group he’d seen perform ‘Hey, Soul Sister.’ They’d been good. He remembered telling Blaine about them. 

“You were there?” Nick asked. “We lost to some school that did ‘Valerie.’ They were good.”

“Nick was better,” Jeff said with a big smile that Kurt was beginning to realize was infectious. “He sang like a dream. We were robbed.” 

“Why were you at a show choir competition?” Nick asked as they showed Kurt the cafeteria. 

“My brother is the lead singer of the New Directions,” Kurt said awkwardly, hoping they wouldn’t take it personally that his brother was part of the reason they’d lost the competition. 

“You guys were good,” Kurt added, for good measure. 

Kurt kind of regretted that he wouldn’t be able to sing in a competition now that he’d left McKinley a few months before Regionals, he felt a little better knowing that there was still a decent Glee club at this school. 

“Well not everyone thought so,” Nick said with a dark look. “One of our group members quit when we lost because he thought we would have won if he’d had the solo.” 

“Don’t think about it, Babe,” Jeff said soothingly, making Kurt jealous at the way Jeff was rubbing Nick’s back. He wanted that with somebody. 

“Anyway,” Nick said, directing the conversation back to the main point. “We’re telling you this because there’s an opening in the group. We’re having auditions on Friday if you’re interested in joining.” 

“Oh, um… sure. I guess,” Kurt said with a shrug. 

He wasn’t sure if this was breaking some sort of show choir rule or something. He’d seen Bring It On 3, he knew that joining one cheer team was like cheating on the other. Were Glee clubs the same? He’d never even competed with New Directions and had only been a member of their group for three weeks. Surely he didn’t owe them anything when he hadn’t been around long enough to even become friends with any of them. 

He’d joined New Directions to get some experience performing before he moved to New York to become a Broadway star. It made sense for him to join Dalton’s glee club as well, even if he wasn’t sure how long he’d have to go to school here. 

“I’ve never sung acapella before,” Kurt said, making up his mind that he’d audition. It would at least give him something to do here. Hopefully it’d help him make some friends, too.  

“I’m sure you’ll be great!” Jeff said with a big smile, grabbing his hand to pull him excitedly down the hall. Nick sent him a pitying look. 

“We’re having a performance today to advertise for auditions,” Nick explained as they turned the corner to a common room where half the school was already standing around waiting for something. 

“Great,” Kurt said, nervously glancing around at all the boys in Dalton uniforms. He stuck out like a sore thumb in his jeans and bright yellow sweater. He had never been great at meeting new people. He’d never been given enough opportunities to practice socializing with anyone that wasn’t an adult. The thought of having to meet so many new people again was slightly frightening. 

“Who’s the new guy?” he heard somebody ask behind him, but he refused to turn around and see who it was. Instead he slid up against the wall, hoping the sea of navy around him covered him from too many people’s view. He knew that just because the school had a zero-tolerance policy, didn’t magically mean that everyone loved everyone. He didn’t want to attract the wrong attention. 

That was when the singing started. The melody sounded vaguely familiar, though it had been remixed to fit the acapella vocals. It wasn’t until somebody came bursting through the doors wearing a ridiculous show smile and singing the first line that Kurt figured out what it was they were singing—Michael Buble’s ‘Haven’t Met You Yet.’

The lead singer was incredibly attractive. He had dark features and looked Hispanic, reminding Kurt of his elementary school days when he’d had a crush on Ricky Martin. His voice was incredible, filling the entire room effortlessly and Kurt could tell he was popular. All the students cheered when he’d first come through the doors. Kurt was drooling before he’d even hit the chorus of the song. 

He was grateful for Nick and Jeff taking over lead of the second verse because it meant Kurt could distract himself before he got too excited in the middle of the common room. He really shouldn’t be lusting after one of the Warblers. He didn’t even know him. He had no clue if the boy was gay or not. 

Besides, wasn’t he still in love with the boy-he-wasn’t-going-to-think-about? 

Kurt busied himself with watching Jeff and Nick. They were ridiculously cute singing to each other as they did their little two-step routine. The crowd seemed to eat it all up, which put Kurt at ease a bit. If everyone could be okay with two boys singing a love song to each other, then maybe this school was a magical place without bullying or hate. 

Then something completely unexpected happened as the Hispanic dream boat took lead again as they came to the third verse, he started walking away from the group and their perfectly in-sync choreography. The crowd of boys in front of Kurt started to part and the singer continued to walk his way. Before Kurt knew what was happening, the boy was standing in front of him, making no secret that it was Kurt he was singing the words to. 

Kurt couldn’t help but blush. He’d never had a boy serenade him before. He’d certainly never had anybody openly flirt with him in public before. That was what this was right? The boy was flirting with him? As he finished up his verse, he drew a heart in the air around Kurt’s face and started backing up towards the Warblers again; leaving him beat red with many of the other students still staring at him knowingly. 

Jeff and Nick winked in his direction like they knew some secret he didn’t. He really prayed that this wasn’t some elaborate plan to recruit Kurt to Dalton and the Warblers. Convince the insanely hot lead singer to sing to the new gay kid so he stayed and the school made more money. Oh god, this was all some joke wasn’t it? That’s why they were winking. Guys didn’t just flirt with him. He was Kurt Hummel for God’s sake. 

After the song finished, the crowd of students burst into loud applause that lasted several minutes before everyone eventually stopped and grabbed their backpacks, heading back to class. 

Kurt didn’t know what to do and he was pretty sure he’d get lost if he tried to find his way back to the main office alone, so he just stood by the wall and waited for Jeff and Nick to remember he was there. Currently the two boys were back to holding hands and laughing as several other students complimented them on the performance. 

“They’re adorable, right?” a boy came up behind him. Kurt turned around and realized it was Mr. Abercrombie Model, Lead Singer himself. He was wearing a smile, nodding to where Jeff was playing with Nick’s hair. 

“Yeah,” Kurt said awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. He didn’t understand why this boy was talking to him. 

“I’m Evan,” he said, holding out his hand for Kurt to shake. 

“Kurt,” he replied, taking his hand. Kurt blushed when Evan held on a tad longer than was necessary. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Kurt,” he said. “I saw Jay-Z and Beyonce over there giving you a tour earlier. Please tell me that means you’re a new student?” 

Kurt laughed at the nickname, wondering which boy was considered Beyonce in that relationship. “My dad’s enrolling me now.” 

“Well then my senior year just got a hell of a lot more promising,” Evan said glancing him over in a way only Blaine had ever done. 

Did that mean this Evan kid was into him? How was that even possible? Kurt didn’t even know how he was supposed to respond to a comment like that. Was he supposed to flirt back? He didn’t even know how to flirt, not really. 

“Tell you what,” Evan said, handing his phone over to Kurt. “You give me your phone number and I’ll be sure to give you my own personal tour when you get here. Can’t have you getting lost or anything, right?” 

“Right,” Kurt said with a shy smile as he plugged his number into Evan’s phone. 

“Well I’ve got AP Government, Beautiful,” Evan said with a pout. “But I’ll text you later to set up a date.” 

Had Kurt heard him right? Had he said date

He could feel himself starting to panic. He wasn’t ready for a date. He’d only just broken up with Blaine. Except, he hadn’t broken up with Blaine. They had never been together. Blaine had made that perfectly clear when he said Kurt was only his friend. That somehow Kurt had made their relationship into something it wasn’t, when Blaine had been the one always careful to make comments like ‘I want you to know that it means something to me’. 

How on Earth had Kurt gotten the wrong idea from that? 

Feeling particularly bitter about it all, Kurt called after Evan to wait. Then he did something he never thought he’d have the confidence to do. He walked up to Evan and fixed his crooked lapel, making sure to let his hand linger when he flattened it out. 

“Look forward to seeing you around,” Kurt said with a low, seductive voice. 

If Blaine didn’t want what Kurt had to offer, well he certainly wasn’t going to stop himself from getting it somewhere else. His dad was going to be paying a lot of money for him to go here; he might as well take advantage of all Dalton had to offer.


By the time Kurt got to sleep that night, he was exhausted. Lauren had been sitting on his front porch waiting for him when they’d finally gotten home. They’d had to wait extra long because nobody at the school had been able to find the uniform pants in Kurt’s size and it wasn’t until he said he could tailor them himself by tomorrow that they’d been allowed to leave, brand new uniform and orientation packet in hand. School was well over by the time they’d gotten home and Lauren was not happy to find out that he was no longer a McKinley student. 

The two of them had gone to Breadsticks for dinner to discuss everything. He had promised to stay in touch and still be her friend while she had promised to pummel every jock from here until eternity to make it so he was safe enough to come back. Then they’d spent three hours discussing his dying relationship with Blaine and her possible relationship with Puck. Apparently she was still playing hard to get, but had let Puck text her the entire day whatever sexy texts he’d wanted. She in turn responded to each one with an insult which only seemed to get him going more. Kurt found the entire thing strange, but was happy that Lauren had found somebody that liked her for her. She deserved that. 

It just made him jealous that he didn’t have that anymore. It seemed everyone was happy and in love except for him. 

It had been nearing 10PM by the time he got home from Breadsticks and he still had had to tailor and press his uniform. He had been getting into bed an hour and a half later when the first text from Evan came in. 

To Kurt: 

Hey there sexy, ready for your first day tom? -Evan

To Evan: 

As I’ll ever be.

To Kurt: 

I’ll make sure to take care of you babe. I’m really good at that ;)

Kurt wasn’t used to being called pet names. He’d made it very clear to Blaine that he wasn’t a fan of most of them. Evan didn’t know that, though, and Kurt certainly wasn’t going to tell him to stop and risk turning Evan away. He already couldn’t believe that somebody so attractive was texting him, he wasn’t going to chance it. 

What he really couldn’t believe was that he was currently typing out a flirty response of his own without sounding like an inexperienced idiot. 

That’s because you’re not inexperienced anymore, Kurt reminded himself as he hit the send button. 

To Evan: 

I’m sure you are.

To Kurt: 

I’m sad you won’t be able to wear those delicious jeans of yours to class.

To Evan:

I don’t know, you manage to make the blazer look good ;)

Kurt was flirting. He was successfully flirting with this hot boy he’d only just met in passing at school today. Since when had this become his life? It was only a few months ago that he had no friends. It had been less than a year since his first kiss had ended in a death threat. 

To Kurt: 

I’m really happy you decided to come to Dalton.

To Evan:

You don’t even know me yet. For all you know I could be some crazy serial killer.

To Kurt:

Nah, I talked to Jeff and Nick about you.

Well that was surprising. Evan had actually sought Jeff and Nick out all so that he could talk to them about Kurt. Blaine couldn’t even be bothered to talk to Kurt in public, let alone seek out any of his somewhat-friends to ask about him. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe this Evan guy might just turn out to be better than Blaine had ever been. 

The thought both thrilled and terrified him. While his brain knew he should be moving on, his heart felt shattered at the thought of a future without him. 

The two boys had texted back and forth until almost 1AM when Kurt had fallen asleep and was so tired he never even heard his phone ring a few minutes later with Blaine’s special ringtone. 

The next morning, he found a “good morning” text from Evan and a voicemail from Blaine that he refused to listen to. He had a lot going on that morning, rushing to get ready for his first day of school so he’d have plenty of time to make the hour and a half drive out to Westerville. The commute would be a bitch every day but his dad had promised to look into boarding if it looked like McKinley wasn’t going to budge on their policy. 

It wasn’t until he was driving in his car and bored from looking at all the farmland on the highway that he’d pulled his phone back out to stare at the voicemail alert. 

He should have deleted it right away. Blaine couldn’t possibly say anything that would make Kurt feel better. He wouldn’t be able to fix what had already been done. Yet there was that small part of him that still hoped. Maybe Blaine had come to his senses. Perhaps Kurt’s transfer to Dalton had driven him crazy and he suddenly wanted to get back together and was willing to shout their love from the rooftops. 

Despite knowing that was next to impossible, Kurt decided to listen to the message, praying it would say what he desperately needed it to say. 

“Kurt, it’s Blaine,” his voice came through the speaker of the phone, his speech slurred and music playing in the background making it hard for him to hear. Where was Blaine when he’d sent this? “I know you’re mad at me and you should be. I’m a jerk, an epic jerk and you should hate me. I hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you,” Kurt responded, despite the fact that Blaine wouldn’t hear him; it was only a message after all, hours old at that.

“But I’m sorry. You were right, I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared, but I don’t have to be,” Blaine started to explain, causing Kurt’s breath to catch. This was it; Blaine was finally going to confess his feelings. Sure, he was likely drunk when he’s said this, but he was still saying it. Didn’t that count for something?

“We can be together,” Blaine said, causing Kurt’s eyes to water. “And you can help me be brave and I’ll just beat up Jackson anytime he tries to hurt you and it will be alright. We’ll be fine. We can be together because I think I’m really starting to fall—” 

Kurt was on the edge of his seat, barely even paying attention to the road ahead as he waited for Blaine to just say it. To finally tell him that he loved him back. Except the next words to come through the speaker were from somebody who was definitely not Blaine. 

“Hey baby,” the voice sounded wasted, but the words were still too intimate, too close, to be from some random passerby. “That your boyfriend?”

“Yes,” he heard Blaine respond, and felt his heart soar at that. Blaine thought of him as his boyfriend. He really liked Kurt that way; he’d known it all along! There was some shuffling on the line and suddenly the foreign voice was back. 

“So sorry love,” the stranger said, sounding condescending. Kurt gripped the steering wheel tight enough for his knuckles to turn white; picturing it was the stranger’s neck he was wringing. “I’m about to give your boyfriend here a blow job because he’s been letting me buy him drinks and we’ve been dancing all night. You really should know better than to leave a cute ass like this unattended.” 

The line went dead and Kurt took a sudden gasp of air. He hadn’t noticed it, but he’d been holding his breath the entire time, waiting for Blaine to come back and tell him that this boy was lying. That it was all some sort of joke. 

It had to be a joke. Blaine couldn’t tell him he wanted him one minute then go running off with this stranger the next. He had to be missing something. He checked his phone, but there had been no further message from Blaine. No text message apology. No second phone call to explain the message. There had been nothing. 

Probably because he was too busy getting off with some man in a club. 

That’s who this stranger had been, Kurt reminded himself. Some man, not a silly high school boy. Blaine was experienced. He dated and slept around with college men. Kurt had been stupid to ever think that he could be enough for Blaine. 

Oh God, Blaine had let this stranger give him a blow job. They’d probably laughed about Kurt the entire time as Blaine complimented the stranger on his technique. He probably told him that he’d needed the release after spending the last few weeks only getting off with a virgin that didn’t know what he was doing. Kurt had never felt so stupid. 

He’d never felt so dirty before. White-hot shame filled him as he thought about the things he’d allowed himself to do with Blaine. He’d been intimate with him in every way possible. He hadn’t just shared his body, he’d bared his soul. He’d told Blaine all of his secrets and Blaine had only been using him to get off with until somebody better came along. 

No amount of showering and scrubbing his skin would ever get rid of the fact that Kurt was dirty now. He was used goods. He couldn’t get his virginity back. There were no do-overs with this kind of thing. He’d made a bad decision and he would have to live with that. He thought he could trust Blaine and he’d been wrong. 

The worst part of it all was that he knew, Kurt knew that he still loved Blaine despite all of it. What did that say about him? 

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  8. leeganji reblogged this from adiwriting and added:
    awesome fic. if you haven’t read it, go read it
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