[FIC] Carry Your Shame (11/25)
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :) This chapter contains homophobic language and violence
Summary: Kurt doesn’t think the Blaine Anderson will ever notice him, so he’s not in the least bit prepared for what happens when he does. (My take on the whole Popular!Blaine, nerd!Kurt trope)
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”
Kurt reluctantly settled back into his seat to listen to his dad. The thought of having to sit there and listen to his dad talk about his sex life was possibly the single most embarrassing moment of his life—and he’d had several embarrassing moments so that was saying something. It was painfully obvious that he wasn’t going to be let out of this discussion, no matter how humiliating it was for both of them.
"Now listen, you and Blaine are teenage boys. For most teenage guys, sex is just this thing we always want to do. Nobody is really thinking about the feelings behind it… I get it. But you need to realize that when you’re sleeping with somebody, you’re never going to be more vulnerable," he explained, causing Kurt to blush at the implication that he was currently sexually active.
Kurt held up his hand to stop him. “Dad, Blaine and I aren’t…”
He paused. What could he say? He was having sex. They hadn’t had anal sex, sure, but they’d had sex. He’d just come home from spending two sex fueled hours at Blaine’s. The things they had shared were all forms of sex, and his dad was right. It was incredibly intimate and revealing no matter how good it felt. It was easy to get lost in the physical feelings of pleasure and need and forget about the emotional feelings that went with it.
"Blaine and you aren’t what?" he dared him to finish. "You’ve got a hickey the size of Texas on your neck."
Kurt’s hands flew up to cover his neck as his entire face heated up.
"It’s not… I don’t… It’s a burn," he sputtered, wondering if his dad would believe he’d used a hair straightener.
"Don’t be embarrassed, like I said, I get it," he explained. "I don’t like it. I think I’d be better if you waited until you were thirty, but I get it. I like Blaine. He seems like a good kid. He’s certainly been good for you. Just…”
He paused to look at him with pleading eyes, begging Kurt to hear him out. Kurt met his eyes and nodded, letting him know that he was listening. That he was taking his words to heart.
"I need you to know that it means something," he continued. "It’s doing something to you. To your heart. To your self-esteem, even though it feels like you’re just having fun."
Kurt thought back to Blaine and how much he cared about him. He thought about how intense their feelings had gotten ever since they’d started fooling around. They cared for one another. This wasn’t about having fun, it was about connecting and sharing themselves with each other.
"So I shouldn’t have sex," Kurt nodded his head at the standard line they’d all heard every adult say for the past few years. Maybe his dad just didn’t understand the relationship he had with Blaine.
"Kurt, when you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything," he explained, sincerely. "If that’s with Blaine or if you decide you want to wait until you’re older, I trust you. However, this shouldn’t be something you do just to feel good. Use it as a way to connect with somebody you love. Somebody who loves you. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because I don’t care what those ignorant assholes at your school say, you matter, Kurt. You matter so damn much and I want to you make sure whoever you’re with knows that. That they will respect that."
Okay, so maybe his dad understood more than he’d given him credit for. As much as he loved Blaine, they hadn’t said those words to each other. He assumed Blaine felt the same way; he spoke like he did at least. Still, why was their relationship such a secret? Was Kurt misunderstanding their whole relationship and just throwing himself at Blaine because he was desperate for love?
He couldn’t deny that he’d been hurt when Blaine said he didn’t want to be his boyfriend. Even if his explanation made perfect sense and didn’t necessarily mean that he didn’t love him, it still hurt. Kurt wasn’t saying that Blaine’s intentions weren’t honorable, but they certainly weren’t clear. Maybe Kurt should have waited to have sex until he was more sure about their relationship.
"Thank you dad," Kurt said, finding he really meant it.
"You’re welcome," his dad said, pulling him up to his feet so he could hug him tightly. "Now, I’ve got to go have a talk with your brother about this bullying stuff. He’s supposed to be looking out for you."
"About that," he said, thinking back to what Blaine had told him about Finn outing him to the whole school. He should really tell his dad. He’d be able to explain to Finn why it had been unacceptable, no matter how wronged he’d felt by Blaine’s actions or perceived actions or whatever. Outting somebody else when it wasn’t their time wasn’t just mean, it was dangerous.
"What?" Burt asked, his hands on his hips like he was bracing himself for the worst and trying to appear strong.
Finn outed Blaine to the whole school. The words were simple; all he had to do was say them. He’d confessed to far more tonight than that. However, the more he thought about it the more he remembered his pledge to stay out of it. Telling his dad was sure to upset both Burt and Finn. Kurt figured it had the potential to make things between Blaine and Finn worse, so he kept quiet.
"Nothing, Blaine and I want to go shopping in Cincinnati tomorrow, is it cool if I go?" Kurt asked, quickly changing the subject.
"What’s wrong with the mall in Lima?" he asked.
"I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask that," Kurt scoffed trying to picture either of them shopping at Payless for shoes. It wasn’t going to happen and his dad knew better. Kurt had been sewing his own pieces and ordering online when he could afford it since his eleventh birthday.
"Who’s driving?" he asked, still skeptical of the whole thing.
"Blaine. It’s not practical to drive the Navigator that far. He gets better mileage," Kurt explained, trying to sound responsible.
"Fine," he agreed reluctantly. "But Blaine picks you up here. I want to talk to both of you before you leave tomorrow. Going into the city by yourselves is a big deal."
"Thank you!" Kurt squealed wrapping his arms around his neck. "I love you so much!"
"Yeah, I bet you do," he scoffed shooing him away while he called out to Finn to come downstairs.
The next day, just before seven and after a long day of shopping and walking around the city, Blaine and Kurt got back into their car, but they didn’t get on I-75N like Kurt expected. Instead they merged onto I-71N towards Columbus.
“Where are we going?” Kurt asked, thinking back to the lecture they’d both received from his father to be home by midnight and drive carefully. They couldn’t just up and go to Columbus tonight, Kurt had a curfew!
“I want to take you somewhere, it’s not that far, I promise,” Blaine said, reaching over to fiddle with the radio until Christmas music was playing softly through the speakers.
“Are you going to tell me where this mysterious place is?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.
“You said that you really liked Christmas lights because they reminded you of your mom, right?” Blaine responded with a shy smile. Kurt just nodded, waiting for him to explain himself. “Well, I want to take you somewhere my mom used to take me when I was younger. I think you’ll like it.”
“So long as we’re back before my curfew,” Kurt said, with a smile.
“I’m too terrified of your father shooting me with a shotgun to ever let you break curfew,” Blaine responded with an easy laugh that warmed Kurt to the core. He was in love with this enduring idiot. He hadn’t said it to him yet and he didn’t know if he ever would, but it was true—even if his father’s words had been in the back of his mind all day.
Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter.
No matter how many times Blaine had told him that he cared, there was still that lingering doubt. Actions speak louder than words, and Blaine’s actions sent mixed signals.
Kurt knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about it eventually. He’d have to ask him about all the secrecy. He couldn’t believe Finn when he told him Blaine was only looking for sex then he’d be onto his next boy, but that didn’t stop the words from coming up every time Blaine so willingly took him out and held his hand outside of Lima, yet made excuses to avoid doing anything where their classmates might encounter them. He would need to talk to him and make sure this was more than an elaborate game for him. Not today, though.
They’d only just had the “boyfriend” talk last night. Kurt didn’t want it to seem like he was constantly putting demands on their relationship by asking so many questions. He worried Blaine would see that as a lack of trust, which it wasn’t.
If you trusted Blaine, you wouldn’t have to ask, the nasty voice in the back of his mind whispered to him. He tried to silence it. It wasn’t about a lack of trust. Kurt was just… confused. He was confused and insecure. Sometimes words weren’t enough no matter how perfect the things Blaine would whisper to him privately sounded. He was a teenager which meant he needed constant reassurance and those reassurances would sometimes need to be actions.
Not tonight, he reminded himself. Tonight was perfect.
Kurt tried to silence his brain as Blaine drove. They stayed on the interstate for about thirty minutes before Blaine pulled off and headed towards Lebanon/Morrow. Kurt had no idea where they were going. The sun had set and the road wasn’t as well lit as the interstate had been, but there were still plenty of cars. In fact, after only a few minutes of driving they hit traffic. Several cars seemed to be lined up to pull into the driveway of one of the bigger estates. It wasn’t until they got closer that Kurt realized where they were—The Christmas Ranch.
Kurt sent him an amused yet confused smile. The Christmas Ranch was a family place, somewhere the parents took their kids during Christmas to look at lights and run around for a bit. Kurt had only been once before, the year his mother died. In fact, it had been one of the last things they had done together before she passed. Blaine didn’t know that though, he only knew that Christmas lights were something special to Kurt. Still, without even knowing it, Blaine had brought him somewhere he’d always longed to go back to but never had.
Maybe Blaine made him confused. Perhaps his motives weren’t always clear, but when he got it right—damn did he get it right.
“The Christmas Ranch,” Kurt whispered in a bit of shock and awe.
“My mom likes this place, says there’s something special about being out in the snow with all the lights on Christmas. I’m pretty sure it’s because she grew up in a place that never sees snow, but yeah… It’s cheesy but nice,” Blaine explained as he paid the entrance fee for them and parked the car so they could get out and walk around.
“It’s perfect,” Kurt said with a smile.
“Let’s get some hot chocolate and gingerbread cookies first, then we can look around,” Blaine said, taking his hand and pulling him over to the small bakery and shop.
They spent an hour out in the cold, hand in hand, giggling happily as they looked at all the cool lights. Some of the displays were childish and cheesy, but others were mesmerizing. Kurt recognized a lot of the displays as the same ones that had been up when he’d come with his mother. He thought it would make him sad. Christmas usually had a way of settling into his bones and making him ache with longing for his mother. However, it was hard to do anything but smile at the memories when he had Blaine beside him to hold his hand and make him laugh.
It was the perfect end to a perfect day together and Kurt longed to be able to call it a date and know that Blaine felt the same way. All hopes of that ever happening flew out the window though as Kurt caught the bright red of a McKinley letterman jacket out of the corner of his eye.
Blaine must have seen it to, because he dropped Kurt’s hand faster than Kurt could even blink. Blaine had tensed up and had shoved his hands in his pocket, keeping his head down like he didn’t want to be noticed.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked, tentatively, already knowing what was coming.
“We should get going,” Blaine said quietly and hurried off towards the car without even looking back to make sure Kurt was following him.
At once, Kurt felt both dejected and enraged. All too soon that was followed by the feeling of despair. Without Blaine holding his hand and making him smile, the dread of Christmas caught onto him and cooled his heart. He should have known, he’d said it every year. There was nothing good about Christmas. So what if this was their first Christmas with Carole and Finn. So what if this was the first year he had friends to celebrate with. His mother had died on Christmas Eve and he hadn’t had a good Christmas since. Why should this year have been any different?
Kurt watched Blaine make his way through the crowd in the direction of the car. He didn’t understand any of it. How could this boy look at him like he had the power to cure cancer with a single smile, yet be ashamed to be seen with him? Was Kurt really so hideous that the golden child of McKinley, the one and only Blaine Anderson, couldn’t let anybody know that they knew each other?
Well, Kurt had a thing or two to say about that. He wasn’t going to let Blaine treat him like this. He didn’t get to treat Kurt like he didn’t matter. He wasn’t some sex toy. He wouldn’t have even kissed Blaine if he didn’t think it meant something. They were best friends, and that wasn’t something Blaine could drop when it was inconvenient for him. Kurt might not have a lot of experience with having friends, but he knew enough to know this wasn’t right.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and debated calling somebody to come and pick him up. He couldn’t imagine letting Blaine drive him home after this. However, the more he thought about it the more he realized how mortifying it would be to have to explain why he’d been abandoned at the Christmas Ranch of all places. He was so stupid. Why had he ever thought Blaine Anderson would actually care about him?
He kicked at the snow angrily and trailed behind Blaine slowly, giving himself enough time to prepare for the awkward car ride home. He was sure that Blaine would pretend to be nice to him. He’d make up some lie to excuse his behavior and they’d make small talk on the way home like nothing had happened. Everything had happened. This was going to be the end of them. Kurt was going to confront him and if he couldn’t be seen in public with Kurt then they wouldn’t be friends anymore.
Kurt climbed into the car and slammed the door hard behind him, buckling his seatbelt and starring out the window, determined not to look at Blaine.
“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked him.
Kurt snorted. Like he didn’t already know. Like Blaine hadn’t just run away from him like he was infected with the plague.
“Just take me home,” he hissed, the sound of Blaine even talking to him was like nails on a chalkboard. Everything about this was infuriating. Kurt didn’t know who he was more upset with, Blaine for pretending to care or himself for believing it?
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Blaine nod his head and he pulled out of the parking lot. The cheerful snow men wishing them a safe trip home and a merry Christmas were just mocking them at this point.
Once they were on the highway, Blaine shut off the radio and repeated his question from earlier, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, obviously,” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re the one that can’t stand to be seen with me.”
There. He’d said it. He should have said it long ago, but he’d put it off under the false hope that he was being paranoid. Now he had proof that it was true. Blaine had no problem holding his hand, flirting and laughing like the two lovesick teenagers they were when they were far away from the other kids at school…
“That’s not it at all, okay?” Blaine said growing frustrated. It only angered Kurt more. Blaine didn’t get to be upset; he was the one that started this.
“Really? So we had to go all the way to Cincinnati to go Christmas shopping together?” Kurt demanded answers. “What’s wrong with the Lima Mall, Blaine?”
“Are you serious?” Blaine said like Kurt was the crazy one. “You hate the Lima Mall. I thought you’d want to come out to Cincinnati to go to the outlet stores. You want to go to the Lima Mall? We can go to the Lima Mall.”
“You don’t have to bitch at me,” Kurt said growing defensive and even more annoyed by Blaine’s accusing tone. “You’re the one that’s trying to hide me away.”
“I’m not,” he explained, shaking his head like he couldn’t understand where any of this was coming from.
Kurt scoffed at that. Did Blaine think he was stupid?
“Look,” Blaine said, deflating. “It’s not you that I’m hiding from them. I’m hiding them from you.”
“Why would you need to hide me from people who claim to be your friends,” Kurt asked, not letting his anger die. He didn’t give up his heart, his first real kiss, his first real—well almost everything—on a boy that was going to treat him like this. “They sound like pretty shitty friends.”
“They aren’t… it’s just… with the football team… and the swimmers…” Blaine was stammering over his words, unable to defend himself. Kurt could see the guilt on his face.
“You care so much about your precious popularity and that’s just sick,” Kurt said. “You pretend to like swimming so your dad will love you—”
“I do like swimming,” he interjected but Kurt wasn’t finished and didn’t really care what he had to say.
“You parade around school like you own it when you’re lying to half the people in it about who you are. You sleep with college boys because somehow being gay is only okay to your friends if it’s done when drunk, with somebody too old to be legal or too straight to have the gay stick.”
“You really don’t see it, do you?” Blaine said sounding hurt.
Kurt was confused, he expected him to be angry and fight back, not to sound wounded.
“It’s not that I care about being popular,” he said. “I care about not getting my face bashed in by guys like your brother.”
“So you treat me like I’m some sort of whore you can just call up whenever you’re horny or want to play boyfriends and throw me out with the rest of the trash when it’s too complicated for you?”
“Why are you yelling at me?” Blaine said, raising his voice. “I’m doing this for you!”
“Because hiding me away is better for me?” He countered with biting sarcasm. “Well thank you, it makes me feel absolutely fantastic about myself so well done.”
“Those football players will make your life hell if they think it would get to me,” Blaine said.
“Maybe the whole world doesn’t revolve around you,” Kurt said bitterly.
“I’m not saying it does,” Blaine said in a calm voice, barely controlling his anger. “But I know for a fact the footballers have talked about harassing you for coming to my swim meets. They think we’re dating all because you came to a swim meet. You want to find out what they’d do if they knew we’re really together? It’d be the best Christmas present ever for them to find out that I’m head over heels for you. You think I want that?”
“You don’t act head over heels for me when you walk away from me in the middle of a perfectly nice evening,” Kurt said. He understood where Blaine was coming from, but that still didn’t make any of this okay.
“That’s what I want them to think, I figured you’d know me better than that,” Blaine cried.
“I thought I knew you,” he said, a lone tear running down his face. “Now I don’t really know what I believe.”
“You can’t honestly believe I would tell you half the secrets I’ve told you, that I would drive you all the way out to Cincinnati to go shopping, that I would let you meet my Aunt, if I didn’t care about you. If all I wanted was sex, all I had to do was go to a party. Sex isn’t hard to find. Why would I spend all the time with you if it was just about getting in your pants? You know that I care about you. I’ve said that repeatedly.”
“I just can’t help feeling like a whore when you drop my hand like that and run away from me,” Kurt explained, holding onto the last bit of anger he still had. He wasn’t quite ready to forgive Blaine just yet.
“You’re not a whore, Kurt” he said, annunciating each word carefully so Kurt would hear him clearly. “You’ll never be a whore. I would never treat you like that. Please, try to understand where I’m coming from.”
“I’m trying,” he said, exhausted. “But you’re going to need to explain it because it doesn’t make sense to me.”
“I don’t want to see you messed up in their bullshit,” Blaine whispered. Kurt could see tears beginning to fall. He was really upset over this. “I can’t lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Kurt said firmly. “You know that I’m strong enough to handle myself. So I can’t help but think you aren’t hiding for my sake, you’re hiding for you own. You’re hiding because you’re too scared. That’s really sad.”
“What would you know about it,” Blaine snapped suddenly.
It stung more than anything else had. Blaine knew better than anyone that Kurt knew damn well what it was like to be bullied. For him to act like he didn’t understand Blaine’s fear was insulting and hurtful. He did his best not to let that show through.
“You’re Kurt Hummel,” Blaine said his name like he always had, like he was something special. Only this time, special didn’t sound like such a good thing. “You’re perfectly content with who you are and don’t give a damn about who knows it. You’re brave. You don’t get to look down on me for not having that.”
“You think I have it easy?” Kurt said with a bitter laugh. “I get slushied at least once a day. When they aren’t throwing slurpies in my face for being in Glee Club, they are pushing me into lockers and calling me names. I get hate mail in my locker and do you want to know who does most of that stuff? Your friends that you care so much about. You want to tell me that I don’t know what it’s like, well screw you.”
“You don’t let that stuff touch you, you’re brave,” Blaine said like being brave was some sort of mystical power he’d never have.
“I’m brave because I have to be,” he explained sadly. “And if you stood up to them, I think you’d find out you’d be brave enough to take it, too.”
Blaine shook his head like he didn’t believe him. They rode in silence for awhile, each lose in their own thoughts until Kurt turned the radio up for them to listen to. That’s when Blaine finally spoke up.
“So is this where you realize I’m not the guy you’re looking for?”
“No,” Kurt said, realizing that he couldn’t give Blaine up. Not now, not ever. Sure, it was frustrating to know that Blaine was too scared to be with him completely, but being with him some of the time was better than nothing.
“This is where I stick around and keep waiting for you to realize that you are.”
“You didn’t tell me your brother was going to be here,” Kurt said as he walked into Blaine’s room and found him spread out on his bed watching TV.
“That’s because I’m pretending he doesn’t exist,” he responded, pulling himself away from watching Daniel Craig in one of the Bond movies long enough to smile at him in greeting.
It was the day after Christmas and had been four days since they had seen each other due to their families keeping them on lockdown for the obligatory family holiday traditions. It also had been four days since their fight. They’d managed to sort it all out in the end, but there was still the lingering tension between them. It had made their text messages and phone calls to each other in the last few days stilted and awkward in a way they’d never been before.
“Want to watch a sexy spy kill a bunch of people with me?” Blaine asked, lifting the covers up to invite him into the warm cocoon he’d made in the middle of his cold bedroom.
“Not really.” Kurt glanced at the screen and saw a high speed car scene that Blaine was really into, he chuckled as he set his bag down on Blaine’s desk and began taking off his coat and scarf. He’d been too nervous around Cooper and his twenty questions to hang them up in the closet downstairs like he usually did. “But I’ll never turn down an opportunity to cuddle.”
“Just watch the rest of the movie and then try to tell me that you don’t have a crush on Daniel Craig,” Blaine challenged him.
Kurt crawled onto the bed and under the covers. They shifted around a bit, trying to find a comfortable position until finally Kurt’s arms wrapped around Blaine’s waist from behind and his chin hooked over his shoulder so he could see the screen. He hummed in the way Kurt had come to understand meant he was completely satisfied.
“I take it 007 does something for you,” he teased, pinching playfully at Blaine’s hips.
“You like your werewolves and I like my MI6 spies.”
They both stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms for the rest of Casino Royale and then Quantum of Solace because Blaine had been right, there was something about Daniel Craig. Then again, maybe Kurt just liked the way Blaine would turn his head and nuzzle into him closer during the sexy scenes. Or the way he pulled Kurt’s arms around him tighter during the action sequences.
As the ending credits started to roll, neither of them went to move away. There was something special about lying with one another. Even with all their clothes on and not a single kiss shared, it was still surprisingly intimate.
It was close to five thirty. Eventually they would both have to start thinking of dinner. Luckily they didn’t have to worry about Blaine’s parents coming home though. They’d left for London early this morning and wouldn’t be home until next week. It was just the two of them and the obnoxious Cooper who kept singing loudly downstairs, constantly reminding them that sound traveled easily in this old house.
“I have your Christmas present,” Blaine said through a yawn, stretching in Kurt’s arms before turning around so they were lying face to face.
“I have yours, too,” he said, thinking of the carefully wrapped gift he had placed in his bag this morning.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Blaine responded, but Kurt could see the pleased smile he wore, happy that Kurt had thought of him.
Well of course he’d thought to get something for Blaine. They were best friends and boyfriends-but-not-really-boyfriends. Kurt didn’t even dignify that with a response.
“It’s in my bag,” Kurt said, but neither of them moved to get it. The five steps from the bed to the desk were farther than either of them was willing to travel at the moment.
“Well then, mine first,” Blaine said, reaching past Kurt to pull an envelope out of his nightstand. It was wrapped in candy cane paper and Kurt had to hold back a giggle because there were about eighteen pieces of tape holding it all together because obviously Blaine had wrapped it himself and didn’t know how to wrap.
Kurt peeled back the paper, struggling against the tape to get it open without ripping the card. He was expecting some sort of gift card. He wondered if that would make things awkward when Blaine realized how personalized his gift to Blaine was, but he brushed that thought aside. He had never really gotten gifts from a friend before so anything Blaine gave him would be special. Even if Kurt’s gift would appear that much more over the top, it would be worth it to see Blaine smile.
As it turned out, Kurt’s worrying over gifts was premature. Because inside a handmade card with a cute drawing of the two of them under some mistletoe (how did he not know that Blaine could draw like that?) were two tickets to Lady Gaga’s concert in April. Not just any tickets though, box seats!
“But the concert sold out in minutes, we didn’t even know each other when the tickets went on sale? You don’t listen to Gaga, I don’t understand,” Kurt rambled as he held the tickets like they were made of cotton candy and would disintegrate any minute.
“My dad’s had a box for years for all the Cavaliers games, I called in some favors,” Blaine said with a shrug, like it was nothing.
He knew how hard Kurt was working, picking up hours at his dad’s shop to try and raise enough money to pay for the outrageous scalpers. What made this even more special, what Blaine didn’t know, was that Kurt had blown all the money he’d saved for the tickets on Blaine’s Christmas present. Kurt stared at Blaine for a long moment, trying to come up with words to explain how grateful he was, but nothing came. Instead, he leaned in and gave him a happy kiss, which led to several more, the two of them giggling the entire time.
“Is it weird to think we’ve only known each other a little over a month?” Kurt asked when they both eventually stopped kissing.
“Yes,” Blaine said with a serene smile on his face. “I feel like I’ve been looking for you forever.”
Kurt rolled off the bed and quickly got Blaine’s present out of his bag before climbing back under the warm covers. His house always seemed so cold. Blaine blamed it on the old walls not holding in the heat, one of the downfalls of living in a Victorian era mansion. Kurt always suspected that Blaine turned down the heat when he came over so they’d be forced to cuddle that much closer. He never called him on it, though.
“Your turn,” he said as he handed Blaine his gift.
Before even opening it, he hugged it to himself and said thank you in a way that made Kurt’s stomach crawl because Blaine acted like he wasn’t used to getting presents. Which was impossible, because his parents bought him everything. It seemed like he was constantly showing Kurt the latest gadget he’d gotten.
Eventually, Kurt got him to open the gift. A signed, vinyl copy of Iron & Wine’s Woman King, because it was the first thing they’d ever listened to together. He’d spent days wrapped up in an intense Ebay auction with another user because he knew he’d never find a more perfect gift. With the way Blaine cherished his music, he knew that he’d appreciate the old record more than some downloaded mp3. He’d seen the old record player that didn’t work in the back of Blaine’s closet; Blaine loved to collect old things. He had an entire shelf full of old cameras he’d found in his grandparent’s basement.
“This is the coolest gift I’ve ever been given,” he said, running his hands over it softly before flipping it over to read over every line of text.
“You should pull out that record player and we can listen to it,” Kurt said, giddy with the knowledge that the record alone wasn’t his only gift to Blaine.
“It doesn’t work,” Blaine said with a sad shrug. “It hasn’t worked in over a year.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, trying to hide his growing smile.
“Yeah, none of the records will play right. It moves too slowly and they sound all distorted,” Blaine explained, his eyes never leaving the record. Kurt wanted to laugh, Blaine thought his record player didn’t work and he was still looking at this record like it was the best thing in the world.
“Maybe you should try it again,” Kurt whispered into his ear.
Blaine didn’t catch on immediately, but Kurt could practically see the gears in Blaine’s head moving. Eventually he looked at him, disbelieving.
“What did you do?” he asked. Kurt could see that he already knew by the way his entire face was lighting up.
“My dad’s a mechanic, I know how to fix things,” he shrugged. Inside he was cheering and doing a ridiculous happy dance. He’d been nervous that Blaine would freak out that he’d gotten him such a deeply personal gift, but he wasn’t. He was ecstatic.
“I know how much music means to you,” Kurt finished, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s stomach and nuzzling into his neck as Blaine tried to digest everything.
“This is…” he whispered. “Apart from the Broadway tickets my Aunt got me when I was ten and went to New York, this is the coolest gift in the world.” Blaine settled into Kurt’s arms and continued to stare at the record.
“Aren’t you going to play it?” Kurt asked, surprised Blaine hadn’t jumped up already to try out every record he had. Kurt had been looking forward to witnessing one of Blaine’s epic monologues about all the different indie bands he listened to. He was waiting for Blaine to put on some track from the seventies and lament about the fact that they weren’t born thirty years ago.
“Later,” he said, putting the record on his nightstand and tangling arms and legs up together. “I don’t really want to move right now.”
He understood. At the moment, he couldn’t picture himself being anywhere but in Blaine’s arms.
Blaine put his head on Kurt’s shoulder and began tracing words onto Kurt’s chest and humming out the tune to a song that Kurt didn’t recognize. It didn’t take him long to realize Blaine was tracing out song lyrics. He wondered why Blaine didn’t join Glee Club with him since he loved music so much, but that didn’t take long to figure out. Blaine couldn’t be in Glee Club because Finn was the unspoken leader of the club.
Eventually Blaine’s tracing slowed down and the humming stopped. Kurt assumed Blaine had fallen asleep, but when he looked down, Blaine had turned his chin up to watch him and his eyes were suspiciously wet. He sent him a questioning look, wondering what was wrong. Blaine looked from the record on the nightstand then back up to Kurt.
“I—” Blaine opened and closed his mouth, struggling to find the right words to say. His eyes were suspiciously wet.
“I know,” Kurt said, saving him from trying to voice the gratitude he felt. Kurt could put two and two together. Sure he showed up with new laptops and gaming systems all the time, but all it took was a quick Google search by his parents to see what teenagers were asking for nowadays. It didn’t mean they really knew Blaine.
“I want to be with you,” Blaine whispered, his voice shaky.
“You are with me, silly,” he said with an uneasy laugh, not sure where he was going with this.
Blaine shook his head and closed his eyes, frustrated that he wasn’t able to explain himself properly.
“No, at school. Yesterday… you were right. I was just scared.”
Kurt felt his heart leap into his throat, praying that Blaine wasn’t joking.
“You’re sure?” he asked, knowing that he had to be certain this was really what Blaine wanted. He had been so adamant before, so scared. As much as he wanted Blaine to get over his fear, he wouldn’t push this if Blaine wasn’t ready.
Blaine nodded, biting his lip, still looking hesitant but his smile kept growing bigger and bigger until he was practically beaming.
“I just want to be with you, no waiting.”
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