[FIC] Carry Your Shame 7/18

Rating: NC-17

Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3

Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :) This chapter contains homophobic language and violence

Summary: Kurt doesn’t think the Blaine Anderson will ever notice him, so he’s not in the least bit prepared for what happens when he does. (My take on the whole Popular!Blaine, nerd!Kurt trope)

This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3

Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//(Blaine interlude)//Part 4//Part 5//Part 6//Part 7//Part 8//Part 9//(Blaine Interlude 2)//Chapter 10//Chapter 11

Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)

*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”

****

“Welcome to the Glee Club, bitch.”

The words were ringing in his head over and over as chunks of ice dripped down the back of his shirt and into his pants. Finn had warned him that kids at McKinley liked to throw slushies at people, but Kurt had never actually seen it happen to anyone, let alone had it happen to him. It sounded ridiculous and stupid, but in reality it was so much worse. He could barely open his eyes without getting more chucks of ice and red dye in them, but he couldn’t help trying to blink the ice he already had in his eye out. 

He lifted his hands to try and scoop up as much slushie as he could and get it off of himself before it could ruin his skin and clothes any further. This was mortifying. He just knew that everyone was watching him and laughing at him. He had to stay strong. He couldn’t let them know that they’d gotten to him. 

At least you didn’t get pushed down the stairs, Kurt reminded himself. Or kissed in the locker room. Nobody threatened to kill you, he thought. He should probably take that as a win. It wasn’t pleasant—it was downright painful—but he wouldn’t need to go to the hospital or need months of therapy. It would be alright. Wouldn’t it? 

A pair of strong hands grabbed him around the arm and made him flinch away, assuming it was the slushie-throwers back to torment him some more. 

“Come on, Cullen,” he heard Lauren’s familiar voice and he relaxed as she pulled him away and heard the sound of a door opening and closing, shutting out the sounds of the crowded hallway. 

“I told you not to join the Glee club,” she said as she turned on a faucet and pulled him closer to the sink. He kept his eyes closed as she began running a wet towel over his face. 

“I only auditioned on Friday, how did they even know?” Kurt asked. 

“Word travels fast,” she explained. “Plus people are especially interested in you because they assume since you’re gay you’re going to become Blaine’s fuck buddy.” 

Kurt blushed though he hoped she couldn’t tell since his entire face was already stained red due to the slushie. 

“It sort of feels like I’ve been bitch-slapped with an iceberg,” Kurt whined as more ice dripped down into his pants. At this rate, his ass was going to be stained red as well. Oh God, what if it was stained red forever? He would never be able to show Blaine, he’d be too mortified. 

“That’s normal,” Lauren explained, her voice sounding much kinder than it usually did. The sarcasm that she had in spades was gone and she sounded sweet, vulnerable even. Something Kurt never expected from somebody as tough and confident as her. “At least they didn’t throw five at you claiming they needed to supersize it because you were so fat.” 

“That’s horrible,” Kurt said. “You know that’s not true.” 

“It is,” Lauren said. “I’m fat.” 

“Lauren…”

“I’m not ashamed of it,” she said, fiercely. “I look how America looks. You think any of those cheerleaders are going to stay that thin forever? They are going to go to college and gain their freshman fifteen, then they’ll keep gaining weight as they get older and pregnant and they’ll start hating themselves because they’ll never look like they did in high school. I’m fat. It’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s the people that think being a size 2 is something to strive for that are disgusting.” 

“How do you do that?” Kurt asked, always in awe of how confident she could be. “How do you manage to be so sure of yourself when we’re in high school and everyone hates everyone else?” 

“I learned,” she explained as she started to try and take his shirt off.

Kurt pushed her away, slightly mortified. He could undress himself, thank you very much. He pulled his sweater off and dumped it into the sink to soak. He looked at the state of his white dress shirt, now splattered with red stains. At least his sweater would cover it up once it dried. Maybe he could pretend he was making a new fashion statement and he’d bought the shirt like this? It certainly looked like something one of the crazy couture designers would come up with. 

“I’ve had years of people picking on me for being overweight. It sucked, I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t. You know just as well as I do how mean kids are,” she continued to explain as he worked at scrubbing his sweater clean. 

His pants were still sticking to him, but there wasn’t much he could do about that. He didn’t have a spare pair of pants that he could wear and jeans took forever to dry. He could wear his gym shorts and go for an ironic 70s look, but he’d really need a different set of accessories to pull that off…

“Then one day I had enough and I learned how to fight back,” she said. “I took a self-defense class at the Y. Then I tried to join wrestling, and when the school told me no, I had my parents sue them until they agreed to let me join. Now people know better than to mess with me. They know I can take any one of them in a fight, so they don’t bother.” 

“I’m never going to be strong enough to fight back,” Kurt said, realizing it was hopeless for him. He would never be able to stop this from happening. He’d always be the kid that was too weak to hold his own. 

“Then you fight them with your words. Be vicious. Don’t let them take anything from you,” she said, leaning against the sink casually, like this was a completely normal situation. “Power is a state of mind. They are all like guppies, listening to whatever people tell them. If you treat them like they aren’t important they might fight back harder at first, but eventually they’ll realize that you’ve got more than they’ll ever have. They’ll leave you alone because dealing with you will only make them feel worse about themselves in the end. We’re better than all these people, Cullen. Do you know how many people in this world are Team Edward?” 

“Right,” he said, more to himself than anything. 

The bathroom door opened and Puck walked in, doing a double take when he saw Lauren. 

“Isn’t this the men’s room?” he asked, giving her an amused look. 

“Yes,” she said crossing her arms and daring him to tell her to leave. 

“You were just hoping I’d show up for a little fun?” Puck asked. Lauren had told him they’d made out before. He knew the she liked Puck; he just never really got the full story from her. Obviously, there was a story to be told. He planned on getting all the details out of her at lunchtime. If he gave her his pudding cup, he could probably weasel the information out of her. 

“I’m helping baby-face here clean up since somebody decided to give him his breakfast via osmosis this morning,” she said accusingly. 

“I didn’t do it!” Puck fired back, looking offended. “What’s a smosis?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Somebody did this and I’m blaming you.” 

“Go out with me,” he said, seemingly out of nowhere. 

“I am way too much woman for you to handle and you’re not even a good kisser,” she said. 

Kurt was shocked, but tried not to let it show. He knew how much she liked him, how could she act so carefree in front of him? Why was she turning down his advances? 

“Aw, come on, babe,” Puck responded with a seductive smile. “We had fun together.” 

“You really want to try and woo me?” Lauren asked and continued talking when Puck nodded. “Hunt down whatever brainiac threw this slushie and let them know I’m coming for them.” 

“And then you’ll go out with me?” 

“Wow, if these are the deductive reasoning skills I have to look forward to, I don’t know how I’ll contain my lust,” she said sarcastically. 

Once Puck left the bathroom, Kurt gave her a strange look. What exactly was all of that supposed to be? 

“That my dear, sweet, virginal vampire is how you keep a man like Puck interested,” she explained. 

Kurt wondered if she was right. Maybe Blaine wouldn’t be that interested in him if he always came running whenever he called. Maybe he wanted somebody that he’d have to work for? 

“Though it’s also how you save face when he loses interest,” she added bitterly. 

****

Later that day, after Kurt’s sweater had dried but was still damaged beyond repair, he was walking down the hallway when he was pulled into a closet from behind. Kurt was about to smack whatever jock had decided to add kidnapping to his rap sheet when he realized his kidnapper was Blaine. 

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, still breathing funny from the jolt of adrenaline and fear that had gone through him. 

“I heard about what happened earlier,” Blaine said, his hands not dropping from where they’d grabbed him around the waist. 

“And you decided to scar me even further with the terrifying thought of being murdered in a janitor’s closet?” Kurt fired back, slowing starting to feel like himself again. 

“I decided to make sure you were okay and possibly kiss it better if you weren’t,” Blaine said with an irresistible pout. 

Kurt tried to hide his pleased smile, but it was almost impossible with the way Blaine’s thumbs were rubbing at his sides—just faint enough to not tickle but heavy enough to be noticed. 

“Oh, well in that case, I’m most certainly not okay.” 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” Blaine said his breath catching as he leaned in to press their lips together. 

Kurt closed his eyes and allowed himself to forget all about the mortifying morning he’d had and get lost in the feeling of Blaine’s lips once again moving against his. It would never grow old, the knowledge that Blaine not only wanted to kiss him, but that he continued to want to kiss him. The fact that Kurt was breathing in all of Blaine in a way that he’d never had the chance with anyone else because Blaine was interested in him. Kurt turned Blaine on. 

No, that was never going to be something he got used to. 

Blaine slowly started to pry Kurt’s lips open until his tongue was pushing into Kurt’s mouth, brushing against his teeth and then against his tongue. Kurt could taste chocolate and mint and the faintest remnants of coffee and it all made up a taste that Kurt would forever associate with Blaine. 

Did he have a taste? Was Blaine breathing him in and memorizing everything uniquely special about Kurt. Was he revealing in this as much as Kurt was? The whine he let out told Kurt yes. 

“Don’t you have class?” Kurt gasped when they both separated for air. 

“Yes,” he responded without a hint of remorse. 

Blaine had class. Straight A student Blaine had a class to go to yet he was perfectly content to blow it off and spend the next period stuck in a dirty old janitor’s closest making out with him. The thought sent a thrill down his spine. 

When their lips came together again, gliding over one another, Kurt felt his heartbeat begin to quicken. He was sure Blaine could hear the pure lust pumping loudly through his veins. Blaine’s right hand buried itself into Kurt’s hair, latching on and pulling him as close as he could get. Kurt didn’t even have the heart to worry about the state of his hair, he was too busy worrying over the state of his lips and how they were attached to the most lovely of pairs. How Blaine was sucking on his lower lip like it was candy. 

His fingers began to unbutton Kurt’s sweater, then his dress shirt. There was a sinful smack as Blaine pulled away from his lips. His head ducked down to mouth at Kurt’s chin, then his neck, nibbling lightly. He continued to move down Kurt’s body, groaning when his lips met the white cotton fabric of his undershirt. 

“Too many layers,” Blaine whined. His eyes were half-lidded with lust. “It’s like you don’t want me to get to the prize.” 

“Maybe I just think you need to work for it a bit,” Kurt said, barely able to keep his voice from going into a whimper. He thought of Lauren and Puck and how interested he looked every time she said no. Kurt didn’t think he could say no to anything Blaine asked in this moment, he wasn’t sure how Lauren could. 

Kurt’s hands went to Blaine’s waist and pulled his thin, black polo over his head, revealing the precious abs that Kurt loved so dearly. 

“Or maybe this is better,” he corrected himself with a groan. He ran his fingers up and down Blaine’s bare chest. He smirked, face flushing and dick hardening every time Blaine twitched and Kurt’s fingers moved over his nipples. “Yes, this is better.” 

Blaine growled at Kurt’s teasing and pushed him back until his feet met a chair and he fell into it. Blaine wasted no time in straddling his lap. 

“God, you are so fucking sexy,” Blaine whispered as his mouth descended on his neck and began sucking at his pulse point. 

Kurt’s hips jerked up instinctually as Blaine bit lightly, running his tongue back over the new mark to soothe it. Blaine took that as a cue and began grinding himself into Kurt’s lap, making them both shiver with need. Kurt let out a loud moan as he felt Blaine’s hard-on against his. He was becoming unhinged, unable to see anything past Blaine and getting rid of the insane pressure in his too-tight jeans. 

“Sh,” Blaine giggled, pinching his side playfully. “We have to be quiet.” 

“Right,” Kurt reminded himself. There was only a thin wall and an old door separating them from the rest of the school.  That thought should have made him slow down, but it only seemed to make him even more desperate for release. He wanted this. He didn’t care who knew it. The two of them together just felt natural and anyone that didn’t like that could kindly fuck off. 

Blaine continued to pant heavily as he moved over Kurt making the most outrageous, yet sexy faces. His hands were on Kurt’s shoulder, trying to keep balanced as he moved his hips in the most immoral ways. Blaine was just as into this as he was, and with that thought, Kurt couldn’t help but picture Blaine over him, riding him without a stitch of clothes on. Kurt wondered how it would feel to have his dick buried so far up Blaine’s ass that neither of them knew where one started and the other began. 

Wow, two days of fooling around with a boy and Kurt had already turned into a slut. A sex-crazed slut. He couldn’t have sex with Blaine, not anal sex at least. He wasn’t remotely ready, no matter how much his body was trying to tell him otherwise. For now, this would do. 

As Blaine’s hands moved to play with Kurt’s belt, his mind was starting to short-circuit but he seemed to have enough hold on reality to stop him. Blaine looked up, hurt and confused and so needy. Kurt leaned in to give him a reassuring kiss, slowing down their hips so he could think clearly enough to form words. 

“It’s my turn,” he said boldly, letting his hands fall to Blaine’s belt as he carefully began to undo it. No use ruining anyone’s clothes just because they were too wanton to slow down. Blaine was wearing a Brooks Brothers belt after all and Kurt would hate to see such a beautiful accessory get torn in their sex haze. 

“Oh god, yes,” Blaine whispered catching his mouth in another searing kiss. Kurt’s fingers fumbled with the button on Blaine’s red pants as he became too distracted. Their teeth crashed as they both tried to take control of the kiss. 

Kurt grabbed onto Blaine’s hips to make him start moving faster, thrusting up quickly, needing more friction. Blaine shook his head, taking Kurt’s hand and putting it on his crotch. Kurt could feel how hard Blaine was. He could trace the outline of his cock through his bright red pants. It was everything Kurt had thought it would be. He was touching another man’s dick and it was hot. Not that there was any doubt about it before, but this 100% confirmed things. He was gay. 

So gay. 

He wasn’t even embarrassed to say it. If he got to touch Blaine this way, he’d scream it from every rooftop no matter how many staircases he got pushed down for it. 

Blaine started to whine helplessly, so Kurt took pity on him and unzipped his pants. He dipped his hand into Blaine’s black briefs and gripped onto his dick, pulling it out gently, like it was a precious, fragile jewel. 

“Shit,” Blaine cried as quietly as he could manage, reaching out for something to hold onto, but only he managed to clutch at thin air. 

Eventually he found the wall and pressed his weight against that, moving his hips up and down trying to force Kurt to move. He was too distracted though to do much of anything. Kurt was touching Blaine. It was warm and hard and Blaine had a thick vein like himself. He traced it, wondering if Blaine liked that as much as Kurt did. 

“Please,” Blaine whimpered. “Do something.” 

Kurt started pumping Blaine, watching as he came undone on his lap. His eyes were wide open and his pupils were blown out. He looked slightly crazed, like he couldn’t see anything beyond his lust. His lips were swollen and bright red; his mouth was still wet from where his lips had been attached to Kurt’s. He looked so perfect, so attractive. This was the stuff pornos should be made of, not that kinky gang-banging stuff that he’d stumbled upon last night in his quest for more research. This was every sexual fantasy fulfilled. 

Kurt wanted to make Blaine come so badly. He wanted to see the moment it happened, know that he caused it. Blaine’s hands dropped down from the wall and found their way into his hair, then his shoulders, until finally they blindly reached his belt. 

“I thought this was about you?” Kurt asked, his dick yelling at him. Why was he fighting this? He was about to come in his pants, he could use the release. 

“This is better, trust me,” Blaine replied, pulling Kurt out of his pants until there was nothing separating him from feeling Blaine against him. The tip of Blaine’s dick, already leaking with pre-come was sliding against his and it was a heavenly torture. 

Blaine let out a deeply primal sound and leaned in, hands gripping onto Kurt’s neck, making sure he couldn’t go anywhere, and he kissed him. This wasn’t a kiss like before, soft and sweet, or even hard and biting. This was more. This was everything. Before had been a warmup. Now they were sharing an intimate connection. Their dicks were pressing against each other like their tongues were, pressing closer and closer. 

“Oh, God,” Kurt moaned so loudly that Blaine had to put a hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh and failing. It was the strangest thing; they both couldn’t stop giggling over how silly the entire situation was. Here they were, doing something so adult, while in the middle of a building meant for simple children.

Each time their stomachs shook, they would brush up against each other, causing one or both of them to groan again, starting the vicious cycle over again. Finally, Blaine managed to take control of the situation for them. He moved up closer until their stomachs were touching—oh hey, he guessed he had a thing for nipples too because being pressed up against Blaine’s hard chest like this was making him sensitive. Blaine took hold of Kurt’s hand and brought it to his dick. Then Blaine wrapped his hand around Kurt and suddenly fingers were intertwined and they were pressed up together in such a way that they were both getting each other off in sync while holding hands and it was just…

There were no words. He was overwhelmed again, like before, but he wasn’t scared. He wouldn’t pull away this time. He knew what to expect. Blaine started to quicken their pace and soon he was seeing stars and praying to deities he didn’t believe in. Blaine must have been seeing those stars as well because the profanities coming out of his mouth would make Samuel L. Jackson blush.

Kurt wasn’t sure who came first. It all happened so quick that it was a bit of a blur. One moment they were moaning and moving in an organized rhythm, the next Blaine was trembling over him and come was hitting them both in the chest. They pumped each other through it, until it became too painful and they finally let go. Blaine slumped down over him, a heavy weight, but Kurt was too boneless to do anything about it. Besides, the feeling of Blaine on him, surrounding him everywhere was reassuring. It was something he could definitely get used to. 

Eventually the weight did get to be too much, as did the mess of it all. Kurt was generally a clean person and didn’t like the feeling of come drying on his chest. He pushed at Blaine until he took the hint, standing up only to sway on his feet and slump against the wall. 

“That was…” Blaine trailed off as Kurt dug around in his back for wet wipes. Blaine didn’t need to finish that sentence. Kurt knew that he was looking for a word that didn’t exist, because nothing could come close to describing the connection the two of them shared. He didn’t realize that sex could be so fulfilling and make him feel so cherished and loved. It was everything he’d always wanted but never thought he’d get. There were no words for what the two of them had shared together. 

They stayed in silence, neither of them needing to fill the room with mindless chatter. Kurt cleaned himself off first—he knew that Blaine’s tolerance for sticky and messy was much higher than his. Once he was clean and tucked back into his pants properly, he moved to clean up Blaine. He deliberately moved slowly so he could relish the last few minutes before Blaine had to get dressed again. The period had to be almost over. They would need to pull themselves back together and go rejoin the world. 

High school. It all felt so far away when he was here with Blaine. 

The bell rang, reminding them that they had a life to get back to. Kurt still had classes to attend and even one test to take. He looked over to see that Blaine was just as disappointed as he was to have to say goodbye. 

“In all seriousness, are you alright?” Blaine asked as he gathered up his things and tried to make his hair look presentable again. 

“I’m fine,” Kurt said. It wasn’t a lie. He’d just had a mind blowing orgasm which was making negative emotions pretty hard to feel. Even before that, he’d been fine. He would be fine, at least. He felt much better after talking to Lauren and later some of the kids in Glee Club. 

It didn’t matter how many slushies they threw at him—though he hoped the number was smaller rather than larger—it wasn’t going to make him change who he was. McKinley was his chance to start over and have friends. It was his chance to have a boyfriend and love. He wasn’t going to let any brainless Lima loser take that away from him. 

“I’m really sorry that happened to you,” Blaine apologized, shouldering his bag and checking his watch. 

Kurt just raised his eyebrows and nodded, not voicing the thought that was really on his mind: that Blaine couldn’t have been that concerned if he waited so long to track him down. The guys that did this were probably friends of Blaine’s. He knew that Blaine cared about him and liked him; he didn’t need to start a fight with him over something he knew Blaine wouldn’t tell anyone to do. He wasn’t going to start a fight with the boy that he’d just had sex with. 

“What?” Blaine asked, knowing him well enough already to detect something. 

“Nothing,” Kurt shrugged.  

“No, it’s obviously something,” Blaine said with a warning tone. “Talk to me.” 

“It’s just that,” Kurt trailed off, not sure how to word this without pissing Blaine off. He needed to grow a pair at some point, didn’t he? Wasn’t that was Lauren was trying to tell him? “Your friends did this.” 

“My friends?” Blaine looked shocked. 

Kurt just nodded. He couldn’t see how Blaine could really be surprised. He was the most popular kid in school and the only people brave enough to throw slushies were the ones that thought they were invincible. State Championship Swim Team fit the bill. 

“The swim team didn’t do this,” he argued. “The football team did.” 

What did it matter, Kurt though. Somebody had thrown that slushie and they were wearing a letterman jacket, which meant they ran in the same circle as Blaine. 

“Wow, sometimes I forget that you’re new here,” Blaine said, though there’s a hint of malice behind it. “Kurt, none of my friends did this. We don’t talk to the football team for several reasons, most of them being why your favorite piece of Vivienne Westwood is ruined. I don’t play football, Finn does.” 

“What are you trying to say?” Kurt asked, a strange sense of foreboding building in his stomach. Blaine wasn’t honestly trying to blame this entire thing on Finn, was he? They were brothers. Sure, they’d had their differences in the past, but that didn’t mean he’d humiliate him at school now when he knew he’d had problems with bullying before. 

“I’m trying to say that your step-brother is an asshole and you can’t hold me responsible for that. In fact, I’m offended you thought that,” he said. 

“Finn would never,” Kurt said, but in the back of his mind there was a part of him screaming yes he would.

“You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you,” Blaine said with a bitter tone. “I need to get to class; I’m already looking at detention and extra laps for ditching class. 

“Blaine,” Kurt said, giving him a look. They needed to talk about this. He couldn’t just call Finn out like that and not explain himself. 

“You don’t know your stepbrother was well as you think you do, and that’s all I’m saying,” Blaine said, moving to open the door. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt put his hand on the door to keep it from opening. He needed to finish this or it was going to eat away at him for the rest of the day. 

“Why don’t you ask him,” Blaine said. “Ask him why he has such a problem when I come over. Ask him why I don’t like him either; I’m sure he remembers the details just fine.”

“I’m asking you,” Kurt said, giving him a pleading look. He wanted to hear this from Blaine, because it was starting to sound like more than some stupid high school pissing contest. If Kurt asked Finn, he knew that he’d never get an honest answer. 

“It’s nothing, forget I said anything,” Blaine said. “I’ve really got to get to Trig.” 

“Don’t run away from me,” Kurt begged. 

Blaine looked up at him for a moment before resigning himself to the fact that Kurt wasn’t going to let up. 

“Not here,” Blaine sighed. “Coffee later?” 

“I have Glee,” Kurt said sadly. He didn’t want to go through the rest of the day not knowing. He knew that his imagination had a way of getting away from itself and he’d be dreaming up horrible cage fights in which Finn ripped off Blaine’s ear and Blaine had to have plastic surgery and his life had never been the same or something equally as ridiculous. 

“I’ll come and pick you up after,” Blaine said softly, sweetly. He was giving him a shy smile, running a finger up Kurt’s arm, trying to play nice again. Kurt hadn’t forgotten what they’d just done in this closet. He was glad that Blaine wasn’t livid with him and was still interested after Kurt had basically accused him of bullying. 

“Promise me that you’ll tell me?” Kurt asked as the bell rang again. They were both late for their next class. Oh well, a quick lecture and possible detention was worth it when the reward was more time with Blaine. 

“Anything you want to know,” Blaine said with a suave smile, kissing him quick before opening the door and stepping into the deserted hallway. 

“Then I guess that’s worth blowing off my English essay for,” Kurt said. “It’s a date.” 

“There’s plenty of other things you can blow off if you’re interested,” Blaine said, causing Kurt to turn bright red. Asshole, he thought. Now he wouldn’t only be late, he’d be walking in completely red, giving away what he’d likely been doing to the entire class. 

“Go to class,” Kurt reprimanded him. 

As Kurt was about to reach his English classroom, his phone vibrated in his pocket. When he pulled it out to check, he had an incoming text from Blaine. 

To Kurt:

Don’t let them get you down. 

Courage. 

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