[FIC] Carry Your Shame 2/18

Rating: NC-17

Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3

Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :) This chapter contains homophobic language and violence

Summary: Kurt doesn’t think the Blaine Anderson will ever notice him, so he’s not in the least bit prepared for what happens when he does. (My take on the whole Popular!Blaine, nerd!Kurt trope)

This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3

Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//(Blaine interlude)//Part 4//Part 5//Part 6//Part 7//Part 8//Part 9//(Blaine Interlude 2)//Chapter 10//Chapter 11

Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)

*Side note- anyone looking to track this, it will always be tagged as “Fic: Carry Your Shame”


After the pep rally finished, everyone started making their way out towards class. It was currently fifth period, Kurt’s lunch, so he made no move to leave. He still had Blaine’s bag and if he went out in this crowd, he’d never be able to find him. 

“So you’re a swimmer,” Kurt said once Blaine’s smiling face came into view. 

“Are you impressed or silently judging me?” Blaine teased, making Kurt laugh. 

“A little bit of both?” He retorted, hoping he didn’t sound terribly awkward. 

“Yeah, well it’s something my dad made me start doing when I was six and I ended up being really good at it,” Blaine explained. “It seems a waste to quit now.”

“So you don’t like it then?” Kurt asked, curious. 

Blaine’s eyes darted around nervously at Kurt’s words before he turned to him and said, “What, I love swimming. Are you kidding me?”

“Of course,” Kurt responded, not sure what it was about the tone in Blaine’s voice, but Kurt didn’t believe him for one second. 

At that moment, he seemed to remember that he still had Blaine’s bag, so he pulled it over his head and handed it back to him. 

“Ah, thanks,” Blaine said, putting it on. “Wouldn’t have been good to forget that. I’ve got History next and while Coach Roz might love me in the pool, she’s a horror to have in class.”

“She seems a bit intense,” Kurt added, thinking back on how she’d gone on and on about her bronze Olympic medal and how nobody thought a black woman would ever be able to swim. 

“You have no idea,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “We don’t win state championships every year for nothing.”

“Well, I guess you probably need to get to class,” Kurt said when he noticed the gym had emptied out. “Wouldn’t want the dragon lady on your case for being late.” 

Blaine looked around, too. He seemed surprised that everyone had already left, and almost disappointed? That couldn’t be it. Blaine was the most popular kid in school. He couldn’t honestly be enjoying talking to Kurt enough to not want to leave. 

“Right,” Blaine said. “The War of 1812 awaits.” 

“Sounds riveting,” Kurt deadpanned. 

Blaine smiled at him and paused for a second, really appraising him before he opened his gorgeous mouth again to speak. 

“I’m going to take you out for coffee later,” Blaine said, not asking him, telling him. Kurt was startled yet turned on by Blaine’s confidence. 

“Don’t you have a meet to go to?” Kurt asked, surprised that his tongue was working so well when his brain couldn’t seem to get past the fact that this incredibly handsome, athletic boy was asking him out for coffee. Straight or not, Kurt couldn’t help but imagine how soft Blaine’s lips would feel when they kissed for the first time. 

“You’re not going to stay and watch my meet?” Blaine stuck out his bottom lip in a pout that could have convinced Kurt to rob a bank, move to Alabama, and join the KKK. 

“Yeah,” Kurt said, sounding oddly breathless. “Right. I’ll be there.” 


With that, Blaine turned around and walked out of the gym, giving Kurt ample opportunity to take in the wonder that was Blaine’s ass in those pants. Monuments could be made out of it. He was like one of those Greek statues. Kurt thanked whatever American Apparel designer had made his hipster outfit. He was never into the high water style, but they deserved every award for designing those pants and selling them to Blaine. Even his shirt was perfection in how it hugged his chest and stretched to the max, barely containing his muscles. 

That was it. Kurt was completely infatuated with this boy. 


Kurt went through the rest of his day feeling like he was walking on clouds. Sure there was the usual stress of being a new kid. He struggled to find his classrooms in time. Worried about who he would sit with at lunch and if anyone would be his partner in class. Overall though, none of that seemed to touch him like he thought it would. 

Kurt Hummel was going to coffee with Blaine Anderson. 

Kurt was going to coffee with the only other boy in school that didn’t dress in flannel and look like a shorter version of Finn. Even though his hopes of dating Blaine had been pretty much crushed thanks to Lauren, he was excited at the prospect of at least having a friend. 

A sexy, mouth watering, make you want to believe in God so that you could thank him for making such a beautiful creature, friend. 

“So I’ve got Glee practice after school, dude,” Finn said to him after the last class let out for the day. They were standing by their lockers, three doors down from each other and putting away the books that they wouldn’t be taking home. “You’re going to have to either take the bus home or come back to pick me up.”

“You can take the car,” Kurt said, tossing Finn the keys. “I’ve got plans.”

“Plans?” Finn looked at him with that confused face he got most of the time whenever Kurt talked to him. It was like Kurt wasn’t speaking English. 

“Yes, Finn, plans,” Kurt said with a pained roll of his eyes. 

“But you don’t… I thought you didn’t know anybody here?” 

“Yes, well, I’m going to watch the swim meet,” Kurt said quickly, ducking his head into his locker so Finn wouldn’t see how bad he was blushing. 

“Do you even like swimming?” Finn asked. 

Kurt pulled his head out of his locker and slammed the door, glaring at his step-brother. 

“Yes, I like swimming, Finn,” he said, growing annoyed. He hated the tone Finn always got whenever it was revealed that Kurt was capable of more than just singing show tunes and obsessing over McQueen. “I like swimming. I can put together a car engine faster than you can say the alphabet. I watch Ice Road Truckers with my dad. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“It’s not, Jesus,” Finn groaned, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry.” 

“Just tell my dad that I won’t be home for dinner,” Kurt said, storming off in search of the pool and leaving Finn behind completely flabbergasted. 

It wasn’t that Kurt didn’t like Finn. He had a special place in his heart for the giant oaf. Somewhere, deep, deep down it was there. It was just awkward for them. They had first met during freshman year when Carole had been driving home from her parent’s house in Louisville and her car had broken down. She called for a tow and Burt had shown up to help. They’d been in love ever since. 

Kurt had fallen for Finn almost instantly. At first, he had seemed like a really cool, understanding guy. He’d stood up for Kurt when he’d come to visit Lima for the weekend and some stupid boys at the mall tried to throw a Slurpee at him. Kurt had tried so hard to get Finn to notice him, but he’d been head over heels for some blonde cheerleader instead. Everything had been fine until Carole and Finn tried to move in with them at the end of freshman year. Kurt and Finn had to share a room and there had been a big blow up when Kurt redecorated the room and Finn didn’t like it. 

The Word had been said. Burt had kicked Finn out of the house over it and Carole and Finn moved back to Lima. Though their parents managed to stay together through it all, Kurt and Finn had never quite been the same since. It was better now. They each had their own room and seemed to get along on a surface level. However, Kurt would never forget the word that had been said. Finn seemed truly sorry for it and Kurt honestly believed it’d been said out of ignorance and not hate, but still. He didn’t know what he’d ever seen in him. He was an idiot. A big, sloppy, lovable idiot. Nice enough to talk to, but not somebody Kurt could hold a serious conversation with for longer than five minutes. 

He located the pool and found a seat at the top of the bleachers, out of everyone else’s way. Here he would have full view of the pool and he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone sneaking up behind him and pushing him down, as had been known to happen at his old school. The stands were fairly full and Kurt had no problem locating the crowd of popular kids. There were several cheerleaders mixed in with other girls in short skirts and low-cut tops. Jocks in lettermen’s jackets were there, too, as well as an entire row of shirtless boys who had painted their chests red and black to read Titans

Kurt felt like he was in the middle of a John Hughes movie. The scene was just so stereotypical high school, and here he was, all sad and lonely hoping for the popular boy to notice him. It was a bit sad, really. Kurt stood up to leave, not wanting to have to compete for Blaine’s attention against all of that, when the swimmers came out. Kurt had to admit, the warm-ups did nothing for Blaine’s figure, but that smile he wore? The one that he directed at the opposing school because he knew that he was going to win? That cocky smile? That did things for Kurt. 

He immediately sat back down, all thoughts of leaving erased from his mind. 

He was instantly rewarded for his decision, when Blaine unzipped his jacket and revealed his near perfect abs to the world. Kurt was sure that he was drooling by this point. Blaine even had that V-line that disappeared into his waistband that models always had, the line that Kurt knew had a proper name, but he’d never stopped ogling magazine pictures long enough to find out. 

Suddenly, he understood this school’s fascination with swimming. Kurt was the new president of the Swim Team Fan Club. He would have the T-shirts made up by tomorrow and their logo would be a picture of Blaine Anderson’s chest in that swimsuit. He was making a Tumblr page dedicated to Blaine’s abs and that ass tonight and he was positive it would have thousands of followers by the morning. He would forevermore ship Blaine with swimming. 

Goodbye Taylor Lautner. Kurt had a new fantasy and it was starring Blaine Anderson.

Kurt looked around slyly; making sure nobody was paying him any attention and quickly pulled out his phone. He was in the middle of pretending to text, but really opening up Instagram so he could forever have this moment to look back on, when Lauren showed up and sat down next to him.  

“Baby boy, I told you not to do this,” she said with an amused smirk. 

“He’s gorgeous,” Kurt said, dreamily. It was useless to try and pretend he wasn’t head over heels. Lauren could see right through him.  

“Yes, well what do you expect? He spends twenty hours a week in a pool.”

“It’s just not fair, how does somebody like that live in Ohio?” he whined, surprised by how suddenly the two of them have fallen into a friendship. 

“Because God likes to torture us with men we can never have,” she said, with a far off look of her own. 

“Who is he?” Kurt asked, instantly recognizing her expression. 

“Puckerman,” she said with a deep sigh. When Kurt gave her a blank look, she continued. “The one with the Mohawk.”

“Oh,” he said, spotting the boy she was talking about. He had that bad boy look about him and Kurt could see his appeal. If he was into the whole bad boy thing, he would totally be crushing on that. “Have you ever talked to him?”

“Talked to him?” She laughed like it was the stupidest thing she had ever heard. “Shit, we made out in a janitor’s closet two weeks ago.” 

“Okay,” he said confused. “So what’s the problem?”

“Guys like that? They don’t fall for people like us long,” she explained. “You don’t just give yourself away to people like that.” 

“Guys with Mohawks?”

“The popular kids,” she sighed. “For every one of us that catches their attention for five minutes, there’s at least ten cheerleaders behind you waiting to steal back to the land of high school parties and prom queens.” 

Kurt bit his lip, knowing that she was right, before turning back to watch the meet begin. He had never paid that much attention to swimming, unless you counted watching the Olympics in 2008. Everyone with a TV had paid attention to swimming then when Michael Phelps was winning every gold medal possible. Kurt didn’t know a lot about the sport, but luckily there wasn’t much to get. Blaine entered the pool and if he was the first boy to touch the wall, he won. 

Boy did Blaine win. He won every race he entered. Kurt was actually impressed with the speed he had when moving through the water. He was even more impressed with watching him get out of the water. Watching as he took his swim cap off between races and let his curly hair go free from the gel he’d had in it earlier. Watching as water trickled down his back until it was absorbed into the fabric of his swimsuit. 

“Close your mouth, Cullen,” she said, reaching over to do it for him. “Don’t want him to know he’s got you.” 

“But he’s straight,” Kurt defended himself, even though he knew she was right. “What does it matter?”

She just nodded and laughed, giving him the sense that he was missing something rather obvious. 

After the meet, Kurt said goodbye to Lauren and waited in the stands for Blaine to come back out of the locker room. He got nervous when a few of the popular kids glanced his way, but they left him alone, deciding that he wasn’t worth their time. Less than ten minutes later, Blaine was hurrying out to meet him. He got stopped talking to a few of the cheerleaders that had come, but he quickly brushed them off and took the stairs two at a time until he was standing right above him. 

“Ready to get out of here?” Blaine asked, holding out his hand to help Kurt up. 

He nodded and they made their way out into the parking lot, Blaine taking the lead since Kurt didn’t know what Blaine’s car looked like or where he’d even parked. They approached a 2012 red Lexus IS F. Kurt scoffed as Blaine unlocked the doors. This was a sixty thousand dollar car, what exactly did Blaine’s parents do that they could buy their son a brand new luxury car? 

Now Kurt knew he was definitely in the middle of a John Hughes movie. He kept expecting some director somewhere to yell cut when he didn’t deliver some witty one-liner at the sight of the car. 

“You drive this?” Kurt asked, climbing into the passenger seat. 

“My dad got it for me after I qualified for the Junior Olympics this summer,” Blaine explained sounding slightly bitter. “He likes it when I uphold the Anderson family name.”

Kurt didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything as Blaine started the car. The second the car revved to life, hip-hop music started blaring from the speakers at a deafening level and some rapper began talking about slapping a ho’s ass. Blaine immediately started fumbling around until the CD finally ejected. 

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, blushing profusely. “Puck drove with me this morning and I let him pick the music.” 

Kurt nodded his head amused, noting that Blaine was really adorable when he blushed. He looked so much younger than he usually did, much more vulnerable from his regular, put together facade. 

Blaine played around with the navigation screen until Pandora came up and he selected a Top 40 station for them to listen to.  Once the cool sounds of Maroon 5 came over the speakers and a much quieter volume, Blaine seemed much more relaxed. 

“So coffee,” Blaine said, nodding to him to make sure that he was still alright with their plan for the afternoon. Kurt nodded. Blaine pulled out of the parking lot and started driving east, away from the center of town where most of the shops where. 

“Where are we going?” Kurt asked, settling back into his seat until he was comfortable. 

“Just over to Wapakoneta,” Blaine explained. “It’s a small little town and they have this really cool coffee shop. It’s much nicer to hang out in than the Lima Bean.” 

“Right,” Kurt said as if he knew that already. He didn’t know much about Lima, except for the places that Carole took him whenever he’d visited with his dad. 

“I won’t lead you astray,” Blaine teased, wearing a smile that looked effortless. It was much more natural than the one he’d worn at school. “Relax.” 

“Let me see your iPod,” Kurt asked, holding out his hand. He was never good at small talk, but he could talk about music for hours on end. If he could just find something he and Blaine had in common, it would make this entire excursion much easier to manage for Kurt. 

“Woah, at least buy me dinner first,” Blaine joked, but handed over his phone with little argument. Kurt felt a warm tingle at that. He knew how personal phones were to kids. It made him smile to think that Blaine would give his up so easily without even a seconds thought. Kurt could have done anything with his phone, go through text messages or emails, but Blaine didn’t seem worried. 

Kurt pulled up his iTunes and began scrolling through all of his songs. He was pleased to see that Blaine hadn’t been lying before. He wasn’t into gangster rap, though he did have a few Kanye songs along with Nicki Minaj and Will Smith. Kurt didn’t think anyone could count ‘Gettin’ Jiggy With It’ or ‘Super Bass’ as real rap though. Blaine actually had a wide range of songs, from Adele to the score from ‘Up’. He had the Original Broadway Cast Recording of Wicked, the entire ‘Born This Way’ album, Bon Iver, Kelly Clarkson, Michael Jackson’s entire catalog, the list went on and on. 

“I’ve never had anyone look through my music before,” Blaine said after a few minutes of silence, P!nk playing softly in the background. “It’s strange.”

“You can tell a lot about a person by the music they have,” Kurt said, his eyes not leaving the screen. 

“And what does my music say about me?” Blaine asked with an anxious note to it. 

He hummed in responded, continuing to be surprised by each new find. “It’s hard to tell.”

Blaine had started to say something else before Kurt cut him off with an excited squeak. 

“Oh my God, you’ve got ‘Woman King.’” Kurt looked over to Blaine with a mixture of awe and wonder.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine apologized, clearly not sure how to read Kurt’s reaction. 

“Mary, carry your shame well past all those eyes across the avenue,” Kurt sang the words to one of his favorite songs of the moment. “Fish heads running from rain, you know I’ll do anything you want me to.”

“Lamp oil lovers may say, freedom hangs like heaven over everyone,” Blaine joined in, finishing the verse with Kurt. He was pleasantly surprised to find out that Blaine had a smooth voice. 

“I’m kind of surprised that you know that song,” Blaine said, giving him a strange look. “You didn’t strike me as the kind to listen to songs regarding religion, even if it’s not exactly a positive take.” 

“It’s not about the religious aspect to me,” Kurt explained with an easy sense of assertiveness. This was his comfort zone—music. “It’s about somebody who’s having to live a life in secret to avoid persecution. It’s about the shame of not being able to share your joy with others because they won’t be happy for you like they should.”

“I like that,” Blaine said, giving him a sad smile. “I’ve never actually met anyone that knows Iron & Wine.” 

“Not apart from Twilight at least,” Kurt mused. “Though I have to confess, I found them through ‘Flightless Bird’ just like the rest of the guppies.”

“Well a real guppy wouldn’t have branched out to other songs without Entertainment Weekly telling them it was cool,” Blaine commented. “Now I’m itching to see your iPod. I’m sure you’ve got a bunch of interesting pieces I haven’t discovered yet.” 

“I am more than Lady Gaga and show tunes, though I don’t look it,” Kurt said with a smile, glad to have somebody look past the cliché and seem to really see him. 

“Everyone has layers,” he said. “You probably more than most. I’m interested in discovering them all.”


Kurt sat back in his seat, trying not to blush, as Blaine handed him the cord to plug his iPod in and they both listened to the cool voice of Birdy and debated how her reinterpretations of songs changed the message. Blaine certainly wasn’t like any other guy he’d met before and he was much more than the face he showed at school. Kurt just wanted to soak up everything Blaine shared with him. He felt insanely lucky to get to see a side of Blaine that he didn’t think many people did. He just wanted to bathe in the attention, a warmth filling up his heart that had been cold and lonely for years. 

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